The Just Thought I'd Share Thread

[Zombie]

Hey, kids! Here's a fun thing to do when your not-quite-ten-year-old wakes up yakking all over god and creation at 3 AM!

Step 1
Allow child to lay on couch near A/C, to help him feel better, because it's hot as balls and you read in an Important Medical Journal that cooling down when it's hot as balls and you are yakking all over god and creation is Very Helpful.

Step 2
Allow child to stare at TV, because you're nice like that.

Step 3
Allow child to turn up TV a little more when he asks because he can't quite hear it.

Step 4
Inform child the THIRD time he asks to turn the TV up a little more because he can't quite hear it that he has reached his quota of loudness, because it is 3 AM, and you read in another Important Medical Journal that even when you're yakking all over god and creation, 3 AM is still sleepy time and not party time.

Step 5
Seconds after child nods his understanding of this important truth, remember that the key to good parenting is to make sure all rules are clear and concise, so there is no wiggle room or confusion, and amend Step 4's statement with, "Unless you're me. Then 3 AM can be party time. Because I'm the mom. And I do what I want."

Step 6
Proceed to really hammer the point home by executing excellent impression of Brad Pitt dancing in Burn After Reading (see Appendix), which illustrates how you will damn well party if you want to at 3 AM, even if child can't.

Step 7
Set reminder on BlackBerry to find second job to save up for therapy child will no doubt require in just a few short years.

Step 8
?????

Step 9
PROFIT!

Appendix