More Problems At Home- Advice Please

[Enchanted_Stevi]

Ethan I'm sorry your going through all of this. *I* myself am a child of divorced parents =\ Except my parents got divorced in 1997/1998. Life was HELL for me for MANY years. Especially since my dad's girlfriend was a BITCH to me and verbally/mentally/ and sometimes physically abused me. I was a HIGHLY depressed child with NO friends and no one understood me and my depression. I honestly do not know what stregnth I had that brought me through what i went through. I had no one to talk to and no friends, so I guess you could say I looked to music. Also, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. I am SO thankful I turned out the way I have. Even today divorced parents still suck, my dad's girlfriend is STILL a BITCH to me, but I stick up for myself these days or we just dont talk to eachother. I know I am rambling, but maybe you'll find something in what I am saying and take it with you...lol

I hope things work out!

[CelticGypsy]

Originally Posted by dcl1964

I was having a similar problem with my father after the death of my mother. Nothing I did was right. He would yell at me for stuff my brother or my nephew did that had nothing to do with me. I knew my Dad loved me and really wasn't "yelling" at me, he was "yelling" at the situation. Your mother is probably scared about what the future will hold if she and your Dad break up. Next time this happens, take a deep breath and then give your Mother a hug and tell her everything will turn out ok. The look on my Dad's face when I did it was priceless. Sadly my Dad's gone as well now. Counselling is a good idea. Surrounding yourself with good friends is another good idea. Their problems are exactly that: THEIR PROBLEMS. They're hurting right now and they're not in a good place. Just keep telling them you love them and hopefully things will improve.

I totally agree. Even parents in their 40's and 50's have moments when they are scared of changes and the future. It sounds like your mom is going through a tough time thinking about the divorce and having to be on her own, raising children. Not easy to be a single parent so I'm sure this scares her to think about all the changes she will be going through. She is yelling at you (even though she shouldn't be) because she is so frustrated and hurting emotionally. I hope she has someone to talk to, a friend or a relative and that she doesn't burden you with her problems but that she does have someone else that she can talk about what she is going through mentally and physically. As her son, I hope that you're doing as much as you can to make things at home easier for both of your parents. That means no backtalking or attitude with the parents. Remember, they have feelings too. When both of them are home, perhaps you can take younger siblings elsewhere for an hour like to the park so they can enjoy being kids. Down the road, your mom and dad will enjoy their lives again and be happier people. It will take time to heal the wounds from the divorce for everyone in the family. Hopefully, you can be strong and do what you can to help your siblings and parents during this most difficult time. Moms needs hugs sometimes and Dads need a son that will be there to talk with and a hug wouldn't hurt either!

[Musicman408]

Alright, my mom and I just got into a little tiff because we were talking about summer and traveling and stuff. We had been looking into potentially going to south Florida this summer, but after my mom and dad got into a couple of arguments, I came to realize that that would be a stupid thing- the four of us going on vacation.

So, today the two of us were talking about it and she was like:

"I was trying to make a trip like that possible." (when in reality it was my sister and I who were doing the research on properties). And i told her that it would be stupid for the four of us to go on a trip like that. Then she got frustrated and left the room, saying that I always bring up the negative and bla bla bla. I then told her that it's not really the negative, that it was the truth. I then told her that she was being verbally abusive and she started to laugh.

I then left the room..... And no I'm listening to my music and getting ready for work.

Not thinking I did anything to warrant such a response.

[Gypsy-Rhiannon]

I don't understand... are they in the process of getting divorced? If so why are thye even talking about a holiday together?

[Gypsy-Rhiannon]

Also.. I'm not trying to make excuses for your mother but if they are in the process of a divorce and living under the same roof I know from my own experiencehow difficult that can be. I ended my marriage but he refused to move out so we shared the marital home for 6 horrible long months. I shared a bed with my little boy while he had my sons room. It was a miserable time for all involved including (unfortunately) the children

[Musicman408]

I understand!

I know- my thoughts exactly, how could we take a vacation???? It just doesn't make sense. I have other options though, that I'm looking at for this summer!

But things have again calmed down!!!

[mylittledemon]

I remember my mother sank into a dark pit of what I can only describe as despair during the spring/summer of 1998. This was about 5-7 months before they got divorced. She didnt come out of her bedroom. It's like she was an ogre hiding in the dungeon. She didn't cook. She didnt clean. She wrote us blank checks to go grocery shopping with (those were the days when you could do that)...I learned how to cook real fast.

I mean, my mom was a stay-at-home-mama. Always was there look after us...we had it easy! I was so naive that I had no idea what was going on. I think I actually may have thought she was depressed because my father was working in St. Louis 3 weeks out of each month. But...looking back...its because she wanted to divorce him and didn't know how...when...all that stuff tore her up inside. Then one day she snapped out of it.

[Gypsy-Rhiannon]

Originally Posted by Musicman408

I understand!

I know- my thoughts exactly, how could we take a vacation???? It just doesn't make sense. I have other options though, that I'm looking at for this summer!

But things have again calmed down!!!

You didn't answer my previous post. Are they actually getting divorced? Are they still living together?

[Musicman408]

They will be getting divorced- they can't financially at the moment- and yes, we're all living together.