Originally Posted by Ghost_Tracker
"Alrighty" Ethan, well here's some thoughts.
This might be a little disjointed, but to be honest I don't have time to make it a work of art:
First up, realize that you're young. And the girl is young. You're human, she's human, mistakes are going to be made. If she's thinking anything at all it's probably "I wish I hadn't led him on."
Things work a certain way. They have for millions of years. But society has changed - a great deal. You seem to not understand the implications of that, especially when dealing with young people. I think that that's something you need to spend a great deal of time thinking about.
Also - and I'm not trying to be mean here - You strike me as someone who doesn't realize - or doesn't want to accept - that certain actions in social relationships have permanent consequences. Some of your language in this post may be a perfect example of that. You say, "AND I KNOW I WAS ANNOYING AS HELL" and then go on to ask those very same people that you've "annoyed" about this. As others have said, however, anyone who didn't want to read this thread didn't have to. But somehow, you seem to just not GET this, and I feel that it's very important that you do - -
SOME THINGS CAN NEVER, NEVER BE UNDONE.
I admit that's something that took me a long time to get, personally. But it's one of those "hard truths of life" that you have to accept if you're going to grow up.
One reason that it's very important that you "get" that is because some people have perceived your behavior towards some of these women - and that includes Stevie - as stalking. Ethan, this seems to be more of the same, at least to a point. And you have to be "very careful" in this day and age. COOL YOUR ENGINES. STOP TRYING TO FORCE THINGS. And that IS what you've continued to try to do, with a young woman who had already labelled you as a "Friend." I've said it before and I and MANY others will try to get this across to you again - once you're labelled as a "Friend," it's over.
That's almost ALWAYS true. And no, the friendship almost certainly can't be saved after it reaches that stage. Certainly when she told you that she's Not Interested, you made things much worse by continuing to pursue her; and that IS what you were doing and you knew it and she knew that you knew it.
Now, you're an intelligent person. You KNOW that the family issues you're going through are triggering this, or at least making it worse. You're feeling sentimental and nostalgic for a simpler past; and you're maybe feeling some pressure to get into a serious relationship because your home life is changing significantly. It's natural and normal to feel that way; and I'm sorry if some have been unsympathetic to those feelings. But SINCE you DO understand those feelings, you should ACT ACCORDINGLY. DON'T BOTHER THE GIRL. IF she's going to come back to you at all, let HER do that. I'll tell you once again, you HAVE to get the concept of the Chinese Finger Puzzle, because until you get that you are going to have very serious problems in your social life. And Ethan, people TALK about these things. How do you know somebody didn't give this girl a heads-up that you have a History of getting over-attached to women who just want to be friends and then stalking them?
Just THINK about these things, that's all I'm saying. I wouldn't bother if you weren't worth it; you VERY much are. I think you have a LOT of love to give and you're eager to do so; 300 years ago young women probably would have considered you "romantic." But you need to get that it's not 300 years ago. Women have a lot of choices and young women - I hope I won't offend anyone here - have a tendency to choose young men that they find physically attractive. In some ways you're probably MORE mature than most of these other guys, in SOME ways you're more ready for a "serious relationship" than the young women and their attractive, athletic boyfriends may be (in general). So work what you've got and stop allowing it to get in your way by over and over trying to force things to progress faster than their natural pace or in a different way than they're "meant to." It really does seem to be a consistent pattern of behavior that's repeating itself over and over and over again.
Be patient with life, be patient with the young women and be patient with yourself. I have no doubt that if you just simply
have faith - in the young women and in yourself - and in life -
then things will work out great for you. And so I'm gonna just
say it flat-out - - - There's people you marry, and there's people you f*ck. You're probably the kind of guy who - once he grows up - will end up happily married. But right now most of the young women in your age group aren't mature enough for that. "Girls just want to have fun."
Obviously I'm stereotyping and generalizing, but I think maybe you should think about some of these things. And for god's sake, as I and others have told you before, get some self-help books on relationships with women and read them. Definitely take those with a grain of salt too, but the more you start to learn about this NOW, the better off you're gonna be. And why not watch some romantic comedies on tv? You might be surprised what you can learn.
See yourself the way you are - - A "young bird" who's just starting to flap his wings, and maybe having a bit of trouble flying - as many of us do in one form or another. But get those wings flapping, and keep them flapping even when the rug's been pulled out from under you. Sooner or later another young bird will notice, and will like the way you flap your wings.
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01-04-2010, 07:14 PM
I just.... for some reason don't constrain myself as much online vs. in person. I really am not this jacked up.
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