Isn't it ironic...

[stargazer99]

Sorry for putting this all in yet another long post, but I wanted to respond to those that have posted since my original response. And I don't want to continue making separate posts.

Originally Posted by Raeven Skye

Honey, I am so sorry you're "knee deep in kim-chee" (as y Mom would say). Your situation totally sucks. I understand the difficulty in finding a techie job w/no degree. My husband has had the same problem for years: grave digger, pawn broker, customer service, just to get by. His last customer service job has turned into a really awesome opportunity, tho, so never give up! It's bad enough to have to live apart, but to have the situation you have would be enough to make me lose it. Stay strong, and know that we're here for you. I'll be sending love and prayers your way!

Thank you for the kind words!

Originally Posted by DavidMn

I really hope everything works out for you. You sound like youre really trying to live the right way as best you can. Good things happen to good people. Remember that.

Thank you too, David! This means a lot to me, because you strike me as a very good, kind-hearted person yourself!

Originally Posted by SuzeQuze

Mary, the money isn't as important as family. If he really wants to stay in Texas shouldn't he be really working his catering business? Won't you just be in the same predicament in 6 mos if he is not? This job may seem like a good idea but it sounds like a temporary solution that will just push this problem out 6 mos. Also, I really think he should be doing everything he can to be with you two. He should not be leaving you down there.

I'm so sorry this is happening. I also hope I don't sound too harsh. Women tend to compromise as a second nature. Then the years go by and you look at your life and think, "This isn't my life!".

Hang in there. Also, my standard advice here, consider couple's counseling. I hope things get better very soon for you.

Thanks for the good wishes and advice, Suze! As I've already posted in some of my responses, we both think him taking this contract is necessary. The out-of-pocket expenses this time should be fairly minimal, and he'll be making a good hourly rate. Our financial situation is dire enough right now that we're in grave danger of losing the house, so we can't wait for the catering business to start making money... we need money now. And this should buy us time. But he's not giving up the business, just putting it on hold for now while making some money that will hopefully not only help pay our regular monthly bills, but help pay down some of our debt so we have a little more breathing room.

I do understand what you're saying, though, and appreciate the concern. I do admit that sometimes, I wonder if I'm sacrificing too much. But I'm trying to have faith that these are temporary sacrifices I'm making now that will pay off in the long run. And I do have to say that my husband, for the most part, is very supportive. He encourages me to go after opportunities in my own career, and pursue my own personal interests. I don't feel that he's purposely trying to hold me back. But I will admit, it's very frustrating to see him pursuing his dreams now, not knowing for sure if it will work out, while I'm feeling the burden from so many standpoints.

Originally Posted by gldstwmn

I'm so sorry to hear about all of this. I have to say, as an independent female myself, that I find the questions that Mary posed to be pretty good ones.
I just wish there were more that I could say or do for you. If you ever want to talk, I'm just a mouse click away. Take care of yourself and your little boy.

Thank you Chris, that's so sweet! I will definitely take you up on that... I'm sure I'll be needing plenty of opportunities to vent. And as I've been stating over and over, I understand where you and Mary are coming from. Just hope my answers/explanations make sense.

Originally Posted by WelshWitchPMD

I hope that everything works out for you. I think that your husband needs to learn another programming language or another computer skill. You need to adjust to demand in the job market today. Can't he take a few classes? I am sure that they would not be too time consuming and even a community college would not be that much money. It would be worth it in the long run. Even an entry level job might pay for some classes or training and in a year he could be making a lot more $$$. It sounds better then these temp jobs that are a temporary solution.
I work for a credit union and even I am going to take a few more computer classes. It is good to be a step ahead of everyone else.
Good luck!

Thank you for the good thoughts, Pattie! I answered some of the questions about my husband's training in my responses to Amber and Mary. He really wants to concentrate on the business at this point. But we feel this temporary job is necessary to tide us over. We're hoping it will put us in a good enough position until the business starts making a profit (which hopefully, it will... I'm aware that starting your own business can be very iffy.)

[irishgrl]

Originally Posted by stargazer99

I just posted my response before reading this! I don't think I trashed you, and I didn't mean that in a bad way. Wasn't trying to say "Amber and Mary, I'll deal with you two later!" I just meant that I wanted to try and answer some of your questions and give a little more information to show that things aren't quite as black and white as they seem. Unfortunately, I'm not always good at explaining things, especially when it comes to my own reasoning and feelings, so I hope my responses don't end up just confusing you!

As I said, I do appreciate the advice. The reasons I posted this in the first place were to 1) vent a little, and 2) vent to people who aren't emotionally involved, and could give me some non-biased advice. So I do appreciate any advice I can get. In the end, I may not act on all of it, because I will do what I think is best for me. But it's nice to receive objective, non-emotional takes on the situation.

since you've said that you feel it was a mutual decision, I've got no comment.
I understand that right now, finances are taking the front seat. Also, Im glad to hear that your son is basically happy. That wasnt the impression I got from your first post. (or even your second). Also, its good to hear that your lines of communication seem to be open, because if those ever close, its all over. From what you've said, it appears you two are still a team, that was also not apparent from your first post. Im glad for you because the alternative is a bit scary! And the good news is, you've attempted to find groups that fit your philosophical needs as well. Plus you've got some extended family around which is also good! All is definitely not lost as it first sounded......so GOOD!! You've got an outlet here which is more valuable than paying for a shrink in MY opinion...Good Luck to you and I hope your situation improves immediately! I'll pray for you

[stargazer99]

Originally Posted by SuzeQuze

Hang in there. Also, my standard advice here, consider couple's counseling. I hope things get better very soon for you.

Sorry, I meant to respond to this last part. I've been in therapy for the last several months. My therapist also does couple's counseling, and my husband had agreed a couple weeks back to join me. Then he got the job offer! So the distance will make that a little difficult. All part of the irony that is my life right now, I guess.

[irishgrl]

Im glad you havent lost your sense of humor

[ragandbone]

Originally Posted by stargazer99

Sorry, I meant to respond to this last part. I've been in therapy for the last several months. My therapist also does couple's counseling, and my husband had agreed a couple weeks back to join me. Then he got the job offer! So the distance will make that a little difficult. All part of the irony that is my life right now, I guess.

Well, this is weird, but I had a therapist I loved in Seattle, and when I moved I continued sessions with here using an online chat program. Perhaps your husband can try that, it is easiest if the therapist and client have already met, and it sounds like they have. Don't I just sound like I have all the solutions?
believe me, I know I don't!

[Raeven Skye]

Originally Posted by ragandbone

Well, this is weird, but I had a therapist I loved in Seattle, and when I moved I continued sessions with here using an online chat program. Perhaps your husband can try that, it is easiest if the therapist and client have already met, and it sounds like they have. Don't I just sound like I have all the solutions?
believe me, I know I don't!

that's a good idea, or even a conference call....of course if he's coming home on the weekends, maybe you could do a weekend appt. my shrink had weekend and evening appts...i loved him..he was so awesome!

[stargazer99]

Originally Posted by ragandbone

Well I don't have any sage advice, but I have moved far away from my network of friends twice in my relationship. The first time I was lonely and homesic depsite the fact that I had had wanted to move) but I adjusted and made new friends at my job, and in the music community...and then my husband got a job back where I had moved from, back to my friends! The second move happened after we had a son, and this has been really different.

I think it is especially difficult to be away from your friends and family when you have a small child. I was going to suggest returing to Chicago, but I see from your answers to Amber that you have some really good reasons for staying where you are.

Is there any chance of a retired grandparent, coming to stay with you for a while? If you haven't met any moms you click with at your son's childcare, you might try something like this:
http://www.austinmama.com/
(I am guessing that you are not in Austin, but you might find local connections through them.
or
http://www.mothering.com/discussions/

Well, I hope whatever transitions are ahead will go more smoothly than you have imagined, and I hope you will keep asking for support here.

Hi Eliza, Thanks for the encouraging words, and the advice! I'll have to check out those websites.

The only option for a "retired grandparent" to come down here and help is my mom. I'm sure she'll come at some point (she's already visited us 3 or 4 times since we've been here, to get her "grandson fix"). But it just so happens she has a 2-1/2 month vacation planned for Florida, starting December 15. So that time frame is definitely out for her helping out here. We already were planning to go down there to visit her for a week in February, though, so that will at least be something for us to look forward to.

Thanks again for the kind words!

[stargazer99]

Originally Posted by irishgrl

since you've said that you feel it was a mutual decision, I've got no comment.
I understand that right now, finances are taking the front seat. Also, Im glad to hear that your son is basically happy. That wasnt the impression I got from your first post. (or even your second). Also, its good to hear that your lines of communication seem to be open, because if those ever close, its all over. From what you've said, it appears you two are still a team, that was also not apparent from your first post. Im glad for you because the alternative is a bit scary! And the good news is, you've attempted to find groups that fit your philosophical needs as well. Plus you've got some extended family around which is also good! All is definitely not lost as it first sounded......so GOOD!! You've got an outlet here which is more valuable than paying for a shrink in MY opinion...Good Luck to you and I hope your situation improves immediately! I'll pray for you

Sorry if my original post made my husband seem like a d*ck... that wasn't my intention. Nor was it my intention to make it sound like I'm totally against his taking this job. I was very down and frustrated when I wrote the post, and went on a bit of a rant. While certainly some of my frustration is with my husband (the fact that now that we're down here, he's determined to stay down here, while I'm not thrilled with living here) my frustration is mostly with the situation and the irony behind it. But yes, we are trying to work through everything!

And I also didn't mean to imply that my son isn't happy down here. What I was trying to say is that I"m worried about how he will handle his dad being gone again for several months. And on top of that, the change in schools, having to make new friends again, etc. But he actually has been happy down here. While moving away from his old friends and my family was a little hard on him, he does like it here. And he has made some good friends at school, and is thrilled to have the whole family together. So it's going to be yet another disruption and adjustment for him. The good thing is my husband is talking to him and trying to prepare him, and reassuring him that it's not permanent. Unfortunately, that's a hard thing to explain to a 5-year old. So I do definitely worry about how this will affect him.

But you're right, all is not hopeless. While I don't have the same support network I did back home, I am attempting to establish a network of friends, and I'm not totally alone. And this won't last forever. And I do have a wonderful son, who cracks me up every day... and gives me lots of hugs and kisses to keep me going.

Originally Posted by irishgrl

Im glad you havent lost your sense of humor

Better to laugh than cry, I say!