May I babble for a moment?

[GypsyNomad]

Originally Posted by DavidMn

I needed to get this off my chest. I hope I make sense. I've been dealing with depression relating to having some childhood problems, and it's really effecting the way I live. When I was younger I spent alot of time shuttling to Special ed schools because of my ADD. It was pretty bad, I took all sorts of meds back then. As a result I had very few friends growing up because I was always going to school away from where I lived. This is one of the reasons Fleetwood Mac and Stevie mean so much to me. It's also been really hard because I've up until eariler this year, I lived at home. I always paid rent to my mother and Stepdad, but I grew up in a comfort zone, and I hated the idea of getting out of it. It's been reall hard for me to figure out what the real world means because of this. Not an excuse, that's just the way it is. I have absolutely no idea about money, and the only thing that's sustained me the last few years besides work, is the fact that I've been able to enjoy Stevie and Fleetwood Mac to the extent that I have. Unfortunately, this has led to some irresponsible decisions with regards to concerts and the like. I just wish I could get rid of the constant up and down feelings that I have. For example, I felt great when I was out on the road seeing Stevie, but now the Chickens are coming home to roost as they say. I want to make it clear I'm not blaming anyone for what's happened to me, I'm sure people have it alot worse, but I just wish I could be on mroe of an even keel. Sometimes I feel llike I'm the only person in the world that deals with this, and I dont want to wind up in the psyche ward after a suicide attempt like I did last year. If anyone else has dealt with these things, I would appriciate shairing if you feel likt it. Thank you, and I'm sorry if I shared too much information. It's just that I'm really tired of living like this, and I want to become a better person, and I figured this might be a good place to start

Dear David,
I couldn't believe it when i read your post because i've feeling the same way lately. You're not alone though, i had a pretty rocky childhood as well. I'm not really one to share too much personal info, but i believe venting every now & then helps. ~I didn't have much luck w/ friends growing up either, we moved alot, so i was always the new kid. This all started around age 10 & got worse as i got older. Beisides my father being the "mother-of-all-assholes" & never paying a dime in child support, i was mentally & verbally abused by family members, aunts & believe it or not my own grandmother tortured me & my sister all the time It aint easy being told your "nothing" or "worthless" on a daily basis. I was a nightmare in highschool because of the way i was treated... no one wanted to deal with me, they were afraid the bomb would go off, so to speak. College life has been pretty good to me, except for the "friends" part. My school is very competitive, i got an A in my one class, & my "friends" were like, "Well, your her favorite...." & then they purposely left every day w/o me for our lunch break, so i always ate alone. The same crap we put up w/ in highschool never seems to go away

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with things right now. You're a better person for just opening up a little. Life is scary, i never know what i'm doing, but i do know what i want for myself (if that makes any sense) So you have to figure out what you want, whats going to make you happy & whole again. In time, things will come into full circle, but you have to be positive about it & never give up, no matter what others say. If your bummed & ever want to talk, i'm here ~Carei