May I babble for a moment?
 

I needed to get this off my chest. I hope I make sense. I've been dealing with depression relating to having some childhood problems, and it's really effecting the way I live. When I was younger I spent alot of time shuttling to Special ed schools because of my ADD. It was pretty bad, I took all sorts of meds back then. As a result I had very few friends growing up because I was always going to school away from where I lived. This is one of the reasons Fleetwood Mac and Stevie mean so much to me. It's also been really hard because I've up until eariler this year, I lived at home. I always paid rent to my mother and Stepdad, but I grew up in a comfort zone, and I hated the idea of getting out of it. It's been reall hard for me to figure out what the real world means because of this. Not an excuse, that's just the way it is. I have absolutely no idea about money, and the only thing that's sustained me the last few years besides work, is the fact that I've been able to enjoy Stevie and Fleetwood Mac to the extent that I have. Unfortunately, this has led to some irresponsible decisions with regards to concerts and the like. I just wish I could get rid of the constant up and down feelings that I have. For example, I felt great when I was out on the road seeing Stevie, but now the Chickens are coming home to roost as they say. I want to make it clear I'm not blaming anyone for what's happened to me, I'm sure people have it alot worse, but I just wish I could be on mroe of an even keel. Sometimes I feel llike I'm the only person in the world that deals with this, and I dont want to wind up in the psyche ward after a suicide attempt like I did last year. If anyone else has dealt with these things, I would appriciate shairing if you feel likt it. Thank you, and I'm sorry if I shared too much information. It's just that I'm really tired of living like this, and I want to become a better person, and I figured this might be a good place to start :angel:

Dear David..
First off let me say I am sorry you feeling this way..and to let you know you are not alone. Sometimes I feel like I am on a roller coaster ride of emotions..I guess its all part of this thing called life.but sometimes I have to fight very hard not to sink into the pit of depression that so many face.
I too had lots of ups and downs in childhood..well more downs than ups really..I lost my parents when I was 12 and my life went into a tail spin for years after.and I still deal with things that are a by product of all the events afterward.My philosphy is to say to myself this too shall pass and whatever I have gone through has only helped to make me a stronger person.
You sound like a very kind person and perhaps you could use some of your insights and troubles in your life in a positive way..Maybe you could help others who face depression or isolation, or just need someone to share with..By doing something positive (Karma) you also reap the rewards.Find something that makes your heart smile.(besides something that takes alot of money or planning etc) painting ,drawing , writing, etc etc....

I am a big believer in letting go of the past and living in the moment.you can not change the past and since none of us know what tomorrow will bring ,i try to concentrate on the here and now.Not sure if I have been any help to you as i have a diffuclt time expressing exactly what I am trying to convey..but just know that you are not alone and I wish you peace..

Wow, thsnk you so much for the kind words, it's very touching. I hoped my honesty wouldnt offend anyone. It's really hard for me to let go of the past for some reason, but I know I need to do it, or else It wont be good. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for caring enough to respond. :angel:

Believe me, when the day comes that I'm free from this hell, it will be the best day of my life. Thank god for Stevie :)

My Mom was from the tough love school. If I'd tell her I was depressed, she'd just say, "get over it!". Now, I do think there's something to this:
I've never taken a med for anything other than a headache, although I have a few friends that do take mood altering meds. I think everyone, within their own self, has to find a way to make peace with what they are given to work with. In other words, just make the BEST of every day you are given. You can wake up and be negative about everything, or find a positive light that shines on everything you do(and "I" don't mean religion- at least not for me! :rolleyes: - but if that works for you.....okay).
I know it's easy to type the words, but I think we HAVE a choice in how we approach the world. Don't dwell on the negative. :)

I appriciate the sincereity. Thank you, I'm working on it believe me. :thumbsup:

What Homer said is very true. But don't let it go too far, dear. You are not alone, none of us are. If the situation persists, you might want to talk to your doctor about what your options are.
Be well. :angel:

More people share this problem than you know....most are just afraid to share. My life is, has been, and probably always will be...an open book. I've dealt with major depressive episodes since I was 16. Valium does not work...they thought it did back then...30 yrs ago. Attempted suicide once, and it has definitely crossed my mind many times since. You are not alone. In 2000, I voluntarily admitted to a psych hospital after a major event in my life. During those four days I learned a lot about myself...and suprisingly enough...to laugh again. However, I was placed on antidepressants, which only dulled any emotion that I had...if I wanted to cry, I couldn't. If I wanted to sing, it was like 'what's the use'. I recently got off all medications in January. They made me so numb, so useless, so fat, so without a personality that I couldn't stand myself anymore. Now I laugh until I cry...I can feel again! Yes, there is still pain. But you must learn how to cope, how to fight for your own life...and most of all, how to love you, in spite of yourself. I used to worry about everything...what people thought about me...how I kept my house...NEVER AGAIN! You are the only person who has to live with YOU, if that makes sense. Let your conscience be your guide...if you spent a little too much $$ on concerts...didn't we all? I depleted my savings, everything! Sacrified so much just to be there. But that is what made ME happy at the moment, my husband understood, and it didn't hurt anybody! The memories of the last few months I will cherish for the rest of my life! You only go around once (we think!)...be kind to others...find happiness in yourself, or nobody else will...take every opportunity to laugh and to love and to reach out to those who need much, but ask little. And if you ever need to vent or to talk, I'm willing to listen...as I'm sure many here will... :xoxo: :angel:

YOU are just special! :xoxo: Sorry, maybe I don't know you well enough for that :o

Dear David,
I couldn't believe it when i read your post because i've feeling the same way lately. You're not alone though, i had a pretty rocky childhood as well. I'm not really one to share too much personal info, but i believe venting every now & then helps. ~I didn't have much luck w/ friends growing up either, we moved alot, so i was always the new kid. This all started around age 10 & got worse as i got older. Beisides my father being the "mother-of-all-assholes" & never paying a dime in child support, i was mentally & verbally abused by family members, aunts & believe it or not my own grandmother tortured me & my sister all the time :distress: It aint easy being told your "nothing" or "worthless" on a daily basis. I was a nightmare in highschool because of the way i was treated... no one wanted to deal with me, they were afraid the bomb would go off, so to speak. College life has been pretty good to me, except for the "friends" part. My school is very competitive, i got an A in my one class, & my "friends" were like, "Well, your her favorite...." & then they purposely left every day w/o me for our lunch break, so i always ate alone. The same crap we put up w/ in highschool never seems to go away :(

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with things right now. You're a better person for just opening up a little. Life is scary, i never know what i'm doing, but i do know what i want for myself (if that makes any sense) So you have to figure out what you want, whats going to make you happy & whole again. In time, things will come into full circle, but you have to be positive about it & never give up, no matter what others say. If your bummed & ever want to talk, i'm here :angel: ~Carei

But Homer, some people get so depressed that they cannot function correctly. Telling them to "get over it," employing the tough love, will not help at all. I think, for the most part, you're right about everyone having a choice. But there are cases where the person doesn't have that, and can't control their emotions, thoughts, etc.

You're special (special!) So special (special!) You've gotta have some of his, attention...baby...

whoops, sorry

I didn't say "get over it" would help. I SAID, that's what "I" was told, and that it worked for me.
I don't pretend to understand deep depression. But, everyone's life, isn't always a bowl of cherries. Sometimes, it's a bowl of lemons.

I make lemonade, quite often. I like lemonade. :wavey:

I went to a dinner, about 5 years ago, of my closest high school friends(all but one of which, I hadn't seen for several years). We were always the artsy- fartsy, somewhat snobby, heavy-partying group. I think, of twelve or thirteen of us, that three of us were the only ones NOT on meds for depression!!! I was dumbfounded! As I said in my previous post, I'm most certainly not claiming to understand deep depression, but I feel that sometimes claiming such, is just, maybe, a cop-out.
Is it that hard to find positivity? I guess so, but not for me.... :xoxo:

I only make blisters when I go too fast..............nevermind. :lol: :lol: :sorry: