Cheating - Page 3

paleshadow · #31 05-28-2005, 01:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnny Stew

If I were being cheated on, I would most definitely want to be told.
I won't put up with infidelity. I can do MUCH better than someone who cheats on me, and would rather be single than dating a cheater.

As for telling someone else... well, that depends on the nature of your relationship. I'd tell my best friend if she had spinach between her teeth or had her skirt tucked into her pantyhose... so why wouldn't I tell her if her boyfriend/husband/whatever is running around with someone else? She deserves to know, before everyone else does.

But if I didn't know the person being cheated on very well, then I would mind my own business.

You know what I'm hearing a lot of people saying, that the wife probably knows, but doesn't want to know. A lot of women I talk to who are married say that the way he behaives would be at least cause for suspicion. Some married women have even said that they don't really care as long as the husband comes home to them and is a good father/provider. That actually makes me want to throw up, but to each his, or her own I guess.
There's also the whole topic of safe sex to be considered too. I personally would want to know so I could protect myself. If I chose to stay with a cheater, that's one thing, but I wouldn't want to take a chance with my life.

Johnny Stew · #32 05-28-2005, 01:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by paleshadow

Some married women have even said that they don't really care as long as the husband comes home to them and is a good father/provider. That actually makes me want to throw up, but to each his, or her own I guess.

That line of thinking makes me nauseous, too. I've had big time self-esteem issues over the years, and I know I've put up with things in relationships that others probably wouldn't, but I've always had more self-respect than to rationalize someone cheating on me or to let them get away with it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by paleshadow

There's also the whole topic of safe sex to be considered too. I personally would want to know so I could protect myself. If I chose to stay with a cheater, that's one thing, but I wouldn't want to take a chance with my life.

Exactly.
Don't be bringing someone else's cooties home to me, thank you very much.

CelticGypsy · #33 05-28-2005, 02:18 AM

I would want to know. I have been married for over 25 yrs and yes, I would want to know. Most women do move on after divorce and eventually marry good, honest men. I am just happy I found one the first time

I do remember while in the military about 18 yrs ago, there was this guy who went to an Army school with my husband and he kept telling his buddies and their spouses that he was divorced. After the school is finished, most of the same classmates and their spouses find themselves in CA and this jerk is shopping in the PX with his cute wife and very cute young kids and this jerk sees a few of us and you could tell he wanted to sink into the floor. He had lied to everyone about being divorced and he lied to the woman he cheated with by telling her he was divorced so she fell in love with him. This guy thought he was homefree from ever seeing any of us again but about 12 people from the class along with some of their families were sent to the same Language school in CA

and his wife eventually found out her husband was a cheat and the young woman he cheated with felt really terrible that she was lied to and she had alot of trust issues afterwards

This guy lost respect from his classmates when we all found out about him being married to this really nice woman and we felt bad that he had kids too. So if you cheat, people will find out eventually.

golddustwoman77 · #34 05-28-2005, 11:56 AM

I had this very situation with my best friend in high school and college. Her boyfriend(now husband) was cheating on her our senior year in college, and I found out about it. I decided to tell her, because I would want to know. Instead of getting mad at him, she got mad at me. She didn't believe it, and she was in this total state of denial. It ruined our friendship. We finally made up, but we have really never been close again. Also, she never did believe he was cheating, even though I saw it with my own two eyes. She then married him, and they have been in and out of marriage counseling ever since.

Having said all that, my advice is to not tell them. They will find out on their own usually, and that will probably be the only way they'll believe it anyway.

dissention · #35 05-28-2005, 12:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnny Stew

As for telling someone else... well, that depends on the nature of your relationship. I'd tell my best friend if she had spinach between her teeth or had her skirt tucked into her pantyhose... so why wouldn't I tell her if her boyfriend/husband/whatever is running around with someone else? She deserves to know, before everyone else does.

Blatantly telling someone that they're being cheated on by their spouse or lover shows a lack of couth, in my opinion. It isn't the business of anyone but the two people in that particular relationship.

dissention · #36 05-28-2005, 12:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by paleshadow

Some married women have even said that they don't really care as long as the husband comes home to them and is a good father/provider.

Have you been talking to Goldie Hawn?

dissention · #37 05-28-2005, 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by golddustwoman77

I had this very situation with my best friend in high school and college. Her boyfriend(now husband) was cheating on her our senior year in college, and I found out about it. I decided to tell her, because I would want to know. Instead of getting mad at him, she got mad at me. She didn't believe it, and she was in this total state of denial. It ruined our friendship. We finally made up, but we have really never been close again. Also, she never did believe he was cheating, even though I saw it with my own two eyes. She then married him, and they have been in and out of marriage counseling ever since.

Having said all that, my advice is to not tell them. They will find out on their own usually, and that will probably be the only way they'll believe it anyway.

I'm glad you were able to have some semblance of a friendship in the end.

Telling someone that they're being cheated is very degrading and humiliating to the person you're telling. I could never do it.

golddustwoman77 · #38 05-29-2005, 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dissention

I'm glad you were able to have some semblance of a friendship in the end.

Telling someone that they're being cheated is very degrading and humiliating to the person you're telling. I could never do it.

I really cared about her, or I wouldn't have ever told her. But she had made the statement prior to that occurring, that she would want to know. Therefore, I told her (after a lot of thought). It didn't work out like I had planned. I would never tell a person I didn't know extremely well, and now I wouldn't even do that. Live and learn. My heart was in the right place.

skcin · #39 06-01-2005, 10:38 AM

A big part of me wants to say "don't tell, mind your business."

But the health care worker part of me says "Oh my God, they could be exposing their spouse/SO to so many diseases that could harm or even kill them."

Tough call. I'd want to know.

BTFLCHLD · #40 06-01-2005, 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by paleshadow

Yeah, it's been a struggle. I already had decided not to say anything, but I was just curious what other people thought about it. This is the second time my friend has strayed.
The first time was with a mutual co-worker. It was funny too because a mutual friend had thought he and I were a gay couple, and asked him once if we had broken up because she hadn't seen us together in a while. So he told me about it, and I went up to her and made a joke about he and I breaking up. Then I laughed and said that his wife would be upset if she found out. Well, the girls face got pasty white, and it turned out he was trying to hook up with her friend. So I asked her to please not tell the friend, and she said she wouldn't, but the next day the **** hit the fan. He told the girl he was trying to fool around with that I made the story up because I didn't like her, and that he wasn't married. He called me that morning and said "I hope you'll still talk to me after today" and then when I got to work, the girls friend paged me and told me everything. The funny thing is that after she found out he was married they stared screwing! He kept telling me they were just friends, but people saw them all over town making out in parking lots and at gas stations.
Well, finally once it ended he told me about it, and said that he loved his wife, but basically that this was just sex, and any man would do it if given the chance, but that he changed his ways.

So anyway, flash forward 2 years, his wife just had their second child, a baby girl, and I run into someone I used to work with who has a friend he's trying to get with. The story now is that he's divorced and has one kid.

The whole Scott Peterson thing kept popping up in my head, and Lori Hacking. While there is a part of me that feels like his wife should know, I agree with what Lux said in a way, that there could be a lot more to the story. His wife could be cheating, or an awful person, so that's why I decided not to say anything. I just ended the friendship though, and I hope that things turn out for the best with everyone. I'm going with karma on this one!

yes best to myob