I need some advice.... - Page 2

DrummerDeanna · #16 02-16-2005, 02:03 PM

Brian that's awesome!! I'm so glad that you two hit it off and that you're happy

skcin · #17 02-16-2005, 02:52 PM

Awesome news, Brian!

jadegypsy · #18 02-16-2005, 03:29 PM

Hey Brian,
Wow that is one confusing story, makes me think my family is almost normal

But anyways glad to hear you have a sister that you like, it's always cool when one gets along with family. BUT one piece of advice you do need to get the entire truth about your parentage, medical history is very important, and since the whole father issue seemed a bit muddled you need to get that clarified. Otherwise it's great that you have a new cool sibling

amber · #19 02-16-2005, 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by estranged4life

I talked to Lesa and all I can say is WOW! We are too similar in looks, attitude, sayings & beliefs...and music!!! Yes...yes...Yes!!!!!!! Someone of the same blood has the almost near identical taste in music and is also trained on a musical instrument...WOW!!!

We talked for over 5 hours (!!!) about everything under the sun, and then some....There's no way possible she is not my older sister, She did her research and nailed everything on the head, crossed each "t" and dotted each "i" in her research as far as the adoption laws of Oklahoma would allow

She is the most intelligent person I have talked to in years, And it is scary that we are so extremely similar...Can ya say Deja-vu? It was like talking to a reflection in the mirror

I am the happiest I have been in a while (Since last June when Deb started on the road to a first year of being cancer free!) and I hope this feeling does not leave anytime soon

Really cool is that Lesa has already located & talked to our OLDEST SISTER Christina, And will give her my phone # and email info, Lesa says that I will like Christina since she is somewhat similar to us...But the thing that sucks, Is that I am still stuck as being THE BABY (ie-the youngest)!!!

I can forgive my Mom over my newfound loving SISTER Lesa (Wow, that word seems great to say S-I-S-T-E-R!!!), all the BS is under the water in that regard...Just have to work on the BS in regard to my 'Father's' family

SCORE!!! Mr. Brian!. I'm so excited for you.

Your sis sounds very cool.

Mad4stevie · #20 02-16-2005, 07:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by strandinthewind

I find that I have to concentrate on myself and ignore everyone else in it. What I mean by that is all the drama of your mom having more kids, your dad not being your dad, etc. - all of that was caused by things you could not control and that are in the past so to speak. Though the ramifications must be dealt with now by you and that situation and the sudden finding out about it sucks, being angry about the past, at least for too long

, serves no purpose other than to drive you crazy. To quote a very wise songstress "take on the situation - not the torment!" (and Brian J. - I know that you'll go on forever - you're that good!") - So, if your dad is not your biological father - in a nut shell so what. If you loved the guy like he was, that is more than most or at least some have in a lifetime. I mean that you did not share the same DNA is mostly irrelevant because you got to share the love. Granted, it is easy for someone uninvolved to say that and the lying aspect of that situation does suck. But, I guess I am saying look at the positive aspects of it, which again is that you had at least a father figure that you admired and have always loved - that is great thing.

Excellent advice, Jason!

Give yourself some time, Brian, to deal with your feelings regarding your mother's dishonesty. You have every right to be angry, confused, sad . . . etc. Allowing yourself to feel those things fully and completely will be the only way to truly heal.

My personal feeling is that no matter what her reasoning is for doing these things, it still hurt you. It certainly was irresponsible for her to "unload" this information the way that she did. Her only intention there appears to be to relieve her own conscious about it and have you pay the emotional price for it. Sorry, but that is bullsh*t.

You deserve a sincere appology.

Of course, it is fantastic that your older sis has so much in common with you. It sounds as if the two of you will certainly be able to bond, given what both of you have been through in the past. I bet that she is at least as happy as you are to have a new brother who has so much in common with her. Enjoy this new relationship with her!

estranged4life · #21 02-16-2005, 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mad4stevie

Excellent advice, Jason!

Give yourself some time, Brian, to deal with your feelings regarding your mother's dishonesty. You have every right to be angry, confused, sad . . . etc. Allowing yourself to feel those things fully and completely will be the only way to truly heal.

My personal feeling is that no matter what her reasoning is for doing these things, it still hurt you. It certainly was irresponsible for her to "unload" this information the way that she did. Her only intention there appears to be to relieve her own conscious about it and have you pay the emotional price for it. Sorry, but that is bullsh*t.

You deserve a sincere appology.

Of course, it is fantastic that your older sis has so much in common with you. It sounds as if the two of you will certainly be able to bond, given what both of you have been through in the past. I bet that she is at least as happy as you are to have a new brother who has so much in common with her. Enjoy this new relationship with her!

Lesa already said she is enjoying her Mother, her 2 new younger brothers & her/our oldest sister (I cant wait to talk to Christina

) but the jury is still out on my lostcause oldest brother Bill (Geary & myself always wondered WTF his problem was...Now it's obvious; He's no longer the oldest and has the LEAST reason to bitch/moan about how we were raised, Plus it must be a bitch to be the whiny middle child c___ that he is

)

Thanks everyone for your thoughts, It means more than you would ever know

Brian j.

GypsySorcerer · #22 02-16-2005, 09:48 PM

Brian, somehow I didn't see this. Sorry you've been going through all this. But I am glad that you and Lisa have a lot in common, hopefully it will turn into a strong relationship.

I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts. I hope you and your mom work everything out. Life's too short to harbor bitterness, IMO.

amber · #23 02-16-2005, 10:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lux

I would have said it's too long not to. Although I wouldn't have said it to Brian specifically.

yargh, life takes soooo long!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lux

I'm not very good at this kind of thing and barely even read it because I felt like I was invading your privacy, despite the fact that you obviously chose to post. I did gather enough to know things worked out relatively well, considering. I'm glad to hear that.

I concur. I'm not very good at "that kind of thing" either. But am really happy for him. I sure wish I'd find some long lost sibling.

I guess, by being an only child, I may have been spared some kind of residual sibling anger (which my mom has in abundance, enough for two) but still, it's pretty isolating.
I think it's really great that he has so much in common with a sister he has never known about/met. It's like, the wonder of genetics come to life.

gldstwmn · #24 02-17-2005, 12:33 AM

Dude, my family has an unconcious (?) habit of calling me on my birthday to tell me who has cancer. I am not kidding.
Family secrets and the way in which they get revealed can really suck.
I'm really sorry to hear about this, especially after all that you and Deb have been through recently.
And yes, I agree that you have the right to sit down with your mother and ask some tough questions. You deserve some answers. Good luck.

wondergirl9847 · #25 02-17-2005, 01:20 AM

Glad to hear you talked with your sister, Brian and she's way cool!

Sounds like things are looking up for ya, hopefully, things will stay great!

See you in 22 days!!!!!!!!!

HomerMcvie · #26 02-17-2005, 05:37 AM

Brian, I typed out what I decided was too personal of a message.
Check your PM's
david

estranged4life · #27 02-17-2005, 11:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HomerMcvie

Brian, I typed out what I decided was too personal of a message.
Check your PM's
david

I sent ya a response via PM...

I feel much happier now that my Mom told me the whole story of how/why/etc. she gave up her daughters/my sisters, How she didnt want to but "you sometimes have to do things in yer life that you dont want to do"...I understand it now, It was hard for Mom to let her girls go but I understand.

Lesa is happy to know she nows has an even more extended family & I am too grateful

Brian j.