cheesy subject

[GateandGarden]

The cheesy subject is hugging...and why some people just can't get into it. I thought of this when we were talking about people who don't like taking pictures. Some of the same people I know who hate taking pictures are also extremely shy about hugging. I've never been able to understand this. People always tell me, "Well, Hillary, some people weren't raised in a really affectionate household, so they don't do that so freely like you do," and that makes sense to me to a degree. I can see why that would make someone shy for awhile, but once they see that their friends are into it, why can't they become accustomed to it as well? I don't mean to be insensitive about it; it's just hard for me to see how people can't get past that after they've been around hugging people (like me) for a few years or so. I have a friend who, to this day, acts shocked when I hug her, like she never saw it coming and can't believe that I would be hugging her. I keep waiting for the day when she gets used to it. Can anyone offer some new insight for me as to why some people have such a hard time with affectionate people? Is there anyone out there like the friend I mentioned who can explain her to me?

Hillary

[wondergirl9847]

I'm not a very huggy/touchy/lovey type of person, so I don't really like to hug much. I do hug some of my family members and if I haven't seen them in awhile, friends.

My mom is the exact opposite, she's VERY huggy/touchy because her mom never showed her love as a child. She practically begs for it everytime I see her, but I just hate hugging and stuff. She KNOWS I love her and would give my life for her, I just don't wanna hug. LOL

It may be a personal space issue, or there could be something deeper there, such as people who've been molested as a child...they may not want to hug or touch people.

[DeeGeMe]

I'm from the South--we're serial huggers down here (do you suppose that's what got Bill Clinton in trouble?). Anyway, at least my Mom's family are all huggers. We hug each other hello & goodbye. Grown men hug one another when they see each other in my family with no shame or even consciousness about it. It's just the way we are. Although my longtime SO's family was also from the South--they weren't affectionate with one another in any way, shape, or form. So maybe it's not a Southern thing at all, but just a "my family" thing.

[WelshWitchPMD]

I am not a huggy kissy type myself. I really don't like it that much. However now this is going to sound weird but I have given hugs (if you could call it that) in receiving lines at wakes. If it is someone that I know that has lost someone close I usally put my arms around them as I say "I'm Sorry".

I didn't mean to be so morbid.

[estranged4life]

giving hugs, But everyone is just too damn short...So I end up using 'em as arm-rests

Neither Deb nor myself are touchy/feely folk...

Brian j.

[ontheEdgeof17]

I'm a hugger and a kisser. When I greet someone, it's always a hug and a peck on the cheek (or a quick lip kiss). I don't do this to everyone, just my inner circle of friends and people I meet at the bar.

[madformac]

I'm not really touchy feely myself... Guess it goes back to a childhood without much attention from my parents. They both worked all the time and although my mother was quite "huggy", my father really didn't show any positive emotions towards me so I guess it's rubbed off on me. Doesn't help being an only child too I guess (I'm trying for the sympathy vote here! ).

Having said that as I get older I'm starting to get a little soft and I'm giving in to the occasional hugs 'n' stuff at the right times.

[amber]

sometimes i just don't feel like it when my friend does. But sometimes i'm very huggy. however, i don't really like when men i just met - or sometimes women - get all huggy. Like a third person you get introduced to through a friend? And maybe your friend is huggy, but you're not, so this new person thinks they get a hug from you even though you just met? But that is also based on a vibe thing. However, in the past few years i've gotten much more huggy (used to be shocked and dismayed by hugs ) but it's funny, now when i visit my best girlfriend from a long time, and give her a hug, it's kind of weird for her. She's not really huggy, either, although she is nice. And my best girlfriend in town hugs everyone. Everytime i see her she's trying to get some from me.
I guess i'm a "moody" hugger.

[estranged4life]

Originally Posted by madformac

I'm not really touchy feely myself... Guess it goes back to a childhood without much attention from my parents. They both worked all the time and although my mother was quite "huggy", my father really didn't show any positive emotions towards me so I guess it's rubbed off on me. Doesn't help being an only child too I guess (I'm trying for the sympathy vote here! ).

cause my Mom loved to play with us boys, Especially pinning us to the floor and tickling us until we pissed ourselves...Til this day I HATE being tickled

My late Father worked so I dont have many memories about him since I was only 7 yrs.old when he passed away...I do remember he gave us hugs/kisses.

Brian "Parents-Can't live with 'em...Can't shoot 'em" j.

[madformac]

Originally Posted by estranged4life

cause my Mom loved to play with us boys, Especially pinning us to the floor and tickling us until we pissed ourselves...Til this day I HATE being tickled

Sounds cool Brian, I do have vague memories of my late father giving me a "firemans lift" and carrying me upside down when I was 6 or 7. Thats about it.

Hey, in some states I bet there's gotta be some asshole that would take their parents to court for child abuse if they got tickled as kids... Wouldn't surprise me one bit.. I bet those people could do with a REALLY big hug!

[estranged4life]

Originally Posted by madformac

Hey, in some states I bet there's gotta be some asshole that would take their parents to court for child abuse if they got tickled as kids... Wouldn't surprise me one bit.. I bet those people could do with a REALLY big hug!

big hug or a high colonic!!!!

Brian j.

[dissention]

I'm a huggy person, but not a kissy one. If you hate hugs and affection, don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out.

[amber]

Originally Posted by dissention

I'm a huggy person, but not a kissy one. If you hate hugs and affection, don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out.

What if you just met the person, or you don't like them much yet? Is yours some kind of "house of indiscriminate hugs"?

[dissention]

Originally Posted by amber

What if you just met the person, or you don't like them much yet? Is yours some kind of "house of indiscriminate hugs"?

I'd never hug a person I had just met or didn't know. For all I know, they were hug-deprived as a child and will flip out. Only people I know. If I didn't like someone, I wouldn't hang around them (or let them hang around) long enough.

[amber]

Originally Posted by dissention

I'd never hug a person I had just met or didn't know. For all I know, they were hug-deprived as a child and will flip out. Only people I know. If I didn't like someone, I wouldn't hang around them (or let them hang around) long enough.

yeah, really. I'm always randomly meeting these friends of this one friend of mine, cause she is apparently friends with the whole town of Oakland and Berkeley. Anyway, there's been a few awkward moments. I'm like "nice to meet you" and stick out my hand as they dive for their hug then they act like i'm really weird and totally insulted them then i have to go..."well, i just met you". Anyway, I've had to perfect a bit of a distant stand and air during the whole "wall of hugs" moment that inevitably ensues...sheesh! But i'd rather give a sincere hug, or no hug at all, dammit!!
Amber "witholding affection till you prove yourself" G.