Marriage/relationships

[Mad4stevie]

Speaking as a former divorce and custody attorney . . . .

People usually get divorced in the first two years, or after 15 or so.

The main reasons?

1. Lack of effective communication (whether about finances, sex or the kids)
2. Addictions (alcohol, drugs, work, gambling, etc.)
3. Expected marriage to "fix" them or their partner's problems
4. Got married too young, before they knew who they were and what they needed to be happy
5. Wanted instant gratification - marriage = instant security; divorce = instant (supposedly) end to obligations to the other person

I heard the same thing over and over again from clients.

My personal opinion is that people do not appreciate the commitment that marriage is supposed to entail. My parents have been married 35 years. I want to get married only once, which is why I am still unmarried and why I called off my wedding six years ago (we would have ended up divorced for sure).

At the same time, I do not condone staying in a marriage that is abusive in any way. I think there is a fine line - with the emergence of "self-help" books, shows, etc. people are more aware that they don't have to take crap from someone else, and as a result, they become empowered. Feeling empowered can lead to good or bad (rash) choices. Sometimes it motivates to confront the problems that are present in the relationship, other times it could lead someone to just say "f-it, I am outta here" without trying to work through the issues in the relationship.