JTIS My Emotional Baggage

[Sleepless-Child]

I'm not good at philosophy, or psychology, or whatever.
I know, and i'm even sure, that the relationship you have with this guy is a toxic one, and that's you are missing the most important here : yourself.
It's like you're living through him. You need to be THAT important to him. I totally get it, i had this type of relationship with a friend, and it was crazy. We were arguing all the time, but i was omnipresent. I wanted to be THE one, you know. I finally let it go. It was a huge relief, and i am now ten times happier, seriously.
I just decided to be selfish, to find out what the real important things are. I discovered that my relationship with this person wasn't the problem in the first place : i just needed to fulfill this desire to be important, and it's even more fulfilling with people you know aren't really "good at relationships" : people that seem to not care. And you're sure you'll be the one who will change their minds...
I'm not sure if this is the case for you. That's just how i see it. On a positive side, now that i feel comfortable with myself, and now that i don't need to be that important to this person, we're friends again. She didn't miss me, and i didn't miss her. But it's all natural now, we like each other, because in the first place we had this great connection (and destroyed it). My point is, he isn't the problem. The relationship just seems to be the problem. The problem is you, and your need to feel important. That's why SuzeQuze is a genius here.

I'm sorry if this post is a mess, i just find your story really touching, and i know how hard it is. Really, take care. Don't let this thing destroy you. You have a life besides this relationship. And i'm sure you have a lot of things to offer to a lot of different people. Being conscious of your own mistakes is already a step toward positive selfishness.