male and female identities

[Phoenix]

Originally Posted by LiamMcConville

gents: what does "being a man" mean to you?

I'm only sixteen, so here's what I feel what is expected of a teenaged boy.

Apparently, we're only supposed to want to have sex. Sex, sex, and more sex. And I mean, I'm all for having sex, but for whatever reason, I want to be in love with a girl before I have sex with her. (Mind you, I'm still a virgin. And right about now I know "FRESH MEAT" is running through all your Cougar minds, but contain yourselfs until I'm 18.)

I work at a resturant, and every guy over 19 tells me that I need to find some slut and bang her, just to get it over with. And when I tell them that's not what I want to do, I want to wait and actually loose it to a girl that I'm in love with, I'm automatically a queer.

Also, I'm expected to not care about anything that surrounds me. I'm not supposed to care about what color my bedroom is, I'm not supposed to be in Leadership, I'm not supposed to care about the future. I'm expected to play a sport, dress like an idiot, and love Greenday and the musical stylings of Chris Brown. God forbid I like Fleetwood Mac and Elton John.

I don't think most people around me know how to interperate my mature, charasmatic personality, so most people just assume I'm gay. It gets obnoxious, but I know that one day I'll be most of these people's employeer. So, I'm looking foward to that.


This got kind of ranty, and I'm a little bit apprehensive about posting it...But here goes nothing.

Disclaimer: Carrie interesting topic. It has been a thought provoking read. BUT Good God, how I was going to stay out of this thread as anything I say can and will be used against me. I’m sure.)

Hey Liam, I’m glad you contributed. It is COMPLEETLY what Carrie had intended when she posted the question about gender identities. Not fitting into a box or a specific category perfectly often does tend for small minded people in general to want to label you themselves and then shift you into another category. Like straight to gay. ect. Just because you might not fit THEIR perception of the role that you have. Don't let anyone get you down because you have a high standard set for having a physical relationship. It is always your decision to make, and if you want it to mean something, and not just have it to "get it over with" there is nothing wrong with that cause when its done its done, and there’s never another chance for a first time. I do see what you are saying though, and it's hard. There are socially constructed expectations for guys. A lot of the male labels tend to get applied to the group as a whole because those are seemingly always the types who are the loudest and the most visible. The "nice guys" just tend to kind of blend into the background as just "part of the pac". And I say that because I believe alot of that is still primal, and subconscious. It's the whole peacock syndrome, you know loud and showy in order to mate. I think alot of what you’re experiencing is a direct result of your environment also. Once you leave High school, it does become MUCH MORE apparent that there are all different kinds of people in the world, and the stereotypical roles and labels become less and less defined and important.

ALSO. In all the times that I have ever seen you post, Not once have you come across as anything other than a good guy. There is nothing wrong with having confidence, or a deep sense of self. So hold on to that. That alone will help you to overcome the unnecessary negativity of small minded comments. Just know who you are and if other people can't figure that out, or label you for whatever reason, thats on them not you.