Marriage/relationships

[sparky]

There are so many reasons that relationships and marriages are short term these days. I could write a thesis but will just go over what I consider to be the basics.

1. We live in a gimme it now society. Hard work is not valued as it once was. There is no patience. Attention spans are short. The culprits are technology, the media, and the way basic human nature interacts with both.

2. Most people under 40 were brought up in a culture where divorce was the norm. Divorce is not seen as a failure or the result of a bad decision. It's just one more event.

3. Relationships are not taken seriously. Because the concept of long term is not built in, they are seen as disposable. Everything is a test run. Nothing is for keeps. Thus, less emotional investment, thus more breakups. Vicious cycle.

4. There has been basic breakdown in traditional male/female roles and relationships, and there is no standard to take its place. I am not going to say that feminism is a bad thing, because I don't think it is. However, I think at it's extreme in the 70's it created a mindset that women don't need men AT ALL. And the result is a lot of people who are left to fend for themselves and decide what they are supposed to do. A decision most are not equipped to make. You have a lot of women raised to think like stereotypical men, and a lot of men who don't know what the hell to do. I am not saying that traditional roles were great, just that without any at all, people are left to their own devices. Those devices are sketchy at best.

Personally, I tend to agree with Amber, in that I am not sure that biologically and psychologically, humans are wired to be in one relationship forever. Which is why it is such a struggle. We like to think that we accept that it is hard work, but few do. We aren't taught conflict resolution and how to communicate and then wonder why we fight with our mates and can't make up. Monogamy doesn't seem to be a natural state for most people. And then we wonder why so many, mostly men, consider marriage to be a straitjacket.

In my own life, I am still not sure where I fit in all of this. I like to consider myself open to options. God knows, I am so happy on my own that I don't accept guys that are glaringly wrong. And I am so content, I don't know how hard I will ever look for a relationship again. It'll be an accident if it ever happens. So, my own cycle may make that decision for me.