Advice For The Upcoming School Year- Question About Friendships

Musicman408 · #1 07-26-2009, 09:56 PM

I must say that it has been FAR too long since I've done one of these threads!

I'll keep this really short though as I'm thinking a lot of you know some of the backstory here. Last school year, I made two really solid friends, for the first time in a very long time. One of them is the guy who plays guitar for me in our little rock duo. The other guy seemed like a decent guy, but seriously lacks personality and the ability to be a supportive friend.

So, this past year, we spent most of our time hanging out together- doing everything together. For awhile it was fine because I had a group of friends that I felt had my back. But as time went on, I felt smothered, and obligated to be with these guys, as one of them particularly gave me a hard time when I said I was busy and couldn't hang (the one who I am not too fond of).

With this approaching school year, I am trying to do two things, and would like your input on it. First of all, the one "friend" who is about of exciting as a bag of rocks, I am trying to somewhat disassociate myself with him, because I was not fond at all of the way he treated me this past year, and I know I can do better in a friend. That being said, this guy and my guitar player (who I do like a lot) spend ALLLLL TIME together, and I'm not so much wanting to drop ties with Kevin (the cool guitar player guy). So in essence, I am facing the balancing battle of trying to dissassociate myself from the one while maintaining a friendship with the other. IN ADDITION, I am wanting to spend less time with Kevin as well, because it has hindered me from meeting and spending time with new people, particularly girls, and that is NOT good.

I have a new roommate this coming year who I met last year, so I'm hoping I'll meet some people from him, but I was wondering if you all had any suggestions on how to disassociate myself with the one poo poo friend, while maintaining the one great friendship with Kevin, WHILE trying to meet new people.

It's a hard thing I know, but it is one thing I have vowed for this year. Spend more time with different people, and to PLLLLEEEEAAAASSSSSEEEE........

Meet Someone~

daniellaaarisen · #2 07-26-2009, 10:45 PM

Alright, so are Kevin and the bag of rocks still close friends? It sounds like you have more faith in you and Kevin's relationship than his relationship with bag-of-rocks. If that's true, the separation shouldn't be too difficult. Even if they are close still, you always have your music as an excuse to spend time together in a way that bag-of-rocks can't really participate in.

Are you going to college close to home? If not, that will be the PERFECT way to maintain the friendships you want to and discard the ones that simply don't matter to you anymore.

jannieC · #3 07-27-2009, 05:53 AM

Using terms like "poo poo friend" aren't going to make it any easier to meet girls.

Musicman408 · #4 07-27-2009, 06:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jannieC

Using terms like "poo poo friend" aren't going to make it any easier to meet girls.

I used that term because it was late, couldn't think of anything else, and didn't feel like using his name!

paleshadow · #5 07-27-2009, 07:43 AM

Hmm, invite him and the other friend over and "accidentally" leave your computer on and open to this thread. Make an excuse to leave the room to give the guy you don't like the opportunity to read the unflattering things you've written here about him. Chances are when he sees what a low opinion of him you have, he won't want to be friends with you. Or you could just do the mature thing and try talking to him about what's bothering you. If you just don't want to hang out with him because you don't find him exciting enough for you, you should tell him so and give him the opportunity to find friends who accept him for who he is.

Gypsy-Rhiannon · #6 07-27-2009, 08:10 AM

Wow... what a 'loyal' friend you are

GODDESS6 · #7 07-27-2009, 10:57 AM

i always found that i would rather have a few close friends than plethora of aquaintences~ the close girlfriends that i have, i have been friends w/ since we were in in middle school~ & tho some have moved away, we always make a point of making time for ea other even if it's just a quick call to say, "hi, i am thinking of you"~

same w/ my husband, tho we have wrk type friends, he too has a few close friends who still he sees & they are all from childhood~

don't get me wrong, it's great to meet new people, i love that~ but i have just found the friends who stick around thru thick & thin & wouldn't dream of stabbing you in the back to me always are the friends i have known most of my life~ it's sad that the world sucks, that it is hard to trust anyone & lay all the the cards on the table right away~

Musicman408 · #8 07-27-2009, 01:46 PM

Now I kind of feel bad about starting this conversation..... Didn't mean to offend anyone.

However, the reason why I am not too terribly fond of the other guy is that he has been very insulting over the past year, and he very much has a negative attitude.

As you all know, I am going through a lot right now, mainly a divorce of my parents. He has not offered ONE word of comfort of offered any support through any escapade that has gone down.
Secondly, when my dad totaled our amazingly beautiful Porsche Boxster- the first thing this friend said was- "Well it was only a Boxster, not a real Porsche." and proceeded to say a bunch of other things- BEFORE even asking if my dad was alright.

He is not a supportive guy- and THAT is why I am having trouble with him. Not just that he's not exciting.

Gypsy-Rhiannon · #9 07-27-2009, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Musicman408

Now I kind of feel bad about starting this conversation..... Didn't mean to offend anyone.

However, the reason why I am not too terribly fond of the other guy is that he has been very insulting over the past year, and he very much has a negative attitude.

As you all know, I am going through a lot right now, mainly a divorce of my parents. He has not offered ONE word of comfort of offered any support through any escapade that has gone down.
Secondly, when my dad totaled our amazingly beautiful Porsche Boxster- the first thing this friend said was- "Well it was only a Boxster, not a real Porsche." and proceeded to say a bunch of other things- BEFORE even asking if my dad was alright.

He is not a supportive guy- and THAT is why I am having trouble with him. Not just that he's not exciting.

You need to get into the real world Ethan. Members of my own family didn't offer support when I was going through my divorce. Life is like that. But then I don't sit around waiting for them to ask if I'm ok etc.

jannieC · #10 07-27-2009, 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gypsy-Rhiannon

You need to get into the real world Ethan. Members of my own family didn't offer support when I was going through my divorce. Life is like that. But then I don't sit around waiting for them to ask if I'm ok etc.

In addition, you are in charge of who is in or not in your llife/social circle. If someone makes you unhappy, let them go.

I don't think anyone was offended; maybe just trying to bring in a little reality.

goldustsongbird · #11 07-27-2009, 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Musicman408

Now I kind of feel bad about starting this conversation..... Didn't mean to offend anyone.

Don't you say this all the time?

markolas · #12 07-27-2009, 06:45 PM

You don't have to make a big deal about it. Everyone has the right to choose who they associate with; friendships come and go for lots of different reasons. Why can't you just phase things out with "poo poo friend" (whatever that's supposed to mean), especially if you're about to go away to school?

You will probably not remember either of these guys' names in 10 years, I just want you to realize that.

David · #13 07-27-2009, 10:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Musicman408

I must say that it has been FAR too long since I've done one of these threads!

I'll keep this really short though as I'm thinking a lot of you know some of the backstory here. Last school year, I made two really solid friends, for the first time in a very long time. One of them is the guy who plays guitar for me in our little rock duo. The other guy seemed like a decent guy, but seriously lacks personality and the ability to be a supportive friend.

Take a Xanax & a Flexeril, put a cold compress across your forehead -- & I'll do the same.

jannieC · #14 07-28-2009, 06:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by David

Take a Xanax & a Flexeril, put a cold compress across your forehead -- & I'll do the same.

Love.

Chrislit18 · #15 07-28-2009, 05:28 PM

E, don't feel bad - I found out that my supposed best friend is a coniving slut...just now