Bandmember's attitudes towards sex

SortaSavageLike · #1 04-05-2007, 09:49 PM

Here's a hypothetical situation. In October 1980, Fleetwood Mac leaves the Hollywood Bowl after an exhausting concert. Everyone's a little strained and blasted. Later that night, each member of the band is approached by an attractive groupie (none of them named "connie") of the opposite sex, who offers to take them home and do the nasty. How would each member react?

Stevie, most likely, would go crazy with delight. She'd rip her partners clothes off with her teeth right then and there, and throw is naked ass down onto the cold cement. The actual act only lasts about 15 minutes, but resembles the Rosebud version of Rhiannon. The next morning they wake up in a pile of chiffon and cocaine. Stevie gets really pissed off, fuming that her pathetic sexual inferior performed like a weakling. She writes a bunch of nasty songs about him, but they become good friends 20 years later for some reason.

Mick's eyes immediately bulge outwards in startled anticipation, and he immediately throws the groupie over his shoulder and throws her into his Ferrari. They get home and have pounding, rhythmic sex for 46 hours, when Mick is forced into the ER to have his eyes debugged. Lindsey learns of this encounter through a studio exec's friend's sister, and spirals into paranoid madness.

Christine is immediately shocked by her partner's leud offer, but immediately goes about softening him up. They go out to a romantic movie, eat at a fancy restaurant, get sloshed on fine wine, and end up discussing musical theory all night in a classy English kind of way. Nobody in the band cares about any of this, but one of her songs on In The Meantime might be about him.

John rolls his eyes and moans "What's with all this sex ****, man! I just play bass!" The two go home and have competent, noodling sex. John keeps trying to light his post-coital cigarette to no success. He collapses into depression and ends up drinking a six-pack for breakfast for the next five years. That's okay - he's sober now.

Lindsey is careful to avoid blowing his cover. He returns home, but makes sure no one is following him. He begins re-tiling his bedroom floor for proper acoustics, occasionally fiddling with the thermostat to get the right temperature. At one point he suggest making love in the shower upside down. He even turns all the knobs on the vibrator upside down "just to see what would happen." He practices each position 100 times before getting it right. The groupie finds the sex weird and esoteric. He becomes enraged and fellates his microphone, jumping around and making howler monkey noises, which his fans find delightful. Fortunately, he realizes it was all Stevie's fault anyway.

GODDESS6 · #2 04-07-2007, 07:38 AM

omg, this was hilarious!!!

~

shackin'up · #3 04-07-2007, 08:59 AM

impressive. you need a sick mind and a truckload of imagination for this. respect!

tuigirl · #4 04-07-2007, 12:35 PM

what a load of twaddle...sorry Savage youv'e got far too much time on yer hands.

SortaSavageLike · #5 04-07-2007, 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tuigirl

what a load of twaddle...sorry Savage youv'e got far too much time on yer hands.

You're just upset that Lindsey never made love to you upside down in the shower.

tuigirl · #6 04-07-2007, 12:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SortaSavageLike

You're just upset that Lindsey never made love to you upside down in the shower.

...err..no..(but that was a funny reply)..it's still a load of twaddle.

**mylittledemon** · #7 04-07-2007, 01:42 PM

Wow. Def the most bizarre thing I've read...all day anyway...

MrsMcVie · #8 04-07-2007, 08:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mylittledemon

Wow. Def the most bizarre thing I've read...all day anyway...

Love it!

ryan8472 · #9 04-07-2007, 09:04 PM

Seevie doesnt have teh secks!

Michelle Daya · #10 04-15-2007, 09:58 PM

LOL at the title of this thread but the first post was frickin hilarious. i can't begin to top that but here's how i would see it. if i offend anyone, sorry ahead of time.

if they'd go for it:

stevie: only if he's terribly unattractive & horribly misunderstood & most important, a member of some band (young indie, unsigned ok. has already done the big names) asks if he'll call again. talks constantly before, during and after.

lb: no way unless he's a little drunk (or stoned) and gets a glimpse of her seductively nibbling snack crackers (these two go hand in hand) and is feeling insecure about his performance (musically) that night and is on the outs at home and she doesn't appear to have too much of a brain (no books will be written & lb doesn't like the intellectual competition when it's a just sex relationship.) no talk, only idle conversation before & awkward mumbling after.

john: doubtful but if so, goes about it in a very practical way (people need sex, no harm done.) secretly wonders during & after what all the fuss is about. it's just a band. not all that flattered by the attention but more flustered. doesn't talk during. would be very considerate afterward. drives her home.

mick: in his british way, comes off as only slightly interested but once home or at a hotel, feasts off her like she's his last. likes to talk during (& likes to be replied to in one-word answers) but little talk before (only praise) & none after. not unusually flattered by her attention. leaves the modesty to john.

christine: comes off as quiet during initial meeting but once home or at a hotel, gives the groupie more than he bargained for & then some. is completely wasted & babbles during. comes off at motherly after. groupie drives her home.

MrsMcVie · #11 04-16-2007, 12:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Michelle Daya

LOL at the title of this thread but the first post was frickin hilarious. i can't begin to top that but here's how i would see it. if i offend anyone, sorry ahead of time.

if they'd go for it:

stevie: only if he's terribly unattractive & horribly misunderstood & most important, a member of some band (young indie, unsigned ok. has already done the big names) asks if he'll call again. talks constantly before, during and after.

lb: no way unless he's a little drunk (or stoned) and gets a glimpse of her seductively nibbling snack crackers (these two go hand in hand) and is feeling insecure about his performance (musically) that night and is on the outs at home and she doesn't appear to have too much of a brain (no books will be written & lb doesn't like the intellectual competition when it's a just sex relationship.) no talk, only idle conversation before & awkward mumbling after.

john: doubtful but if so, goes about it in a very practical way (people need sex, no harm done.) secretly wonders during & after what all the fuss is about. it's just a band. not all that flattered by the attention but more flustered. doesn't talk during. would be very considerate afterward. drives her home.

mick: in his british way, comes off as only slightly interested but once home or at a hotel, feasts off her like she's his last. likes to talk during (& likes to be replied to in one-word answers) but little talk before (only praise) & none after. not unusually flattered by her attention. leaves the modesty to john.

christine: comes off as quiet during initial meeting but once home or at a hotel, gives the groupie more than he bargained for & then some. is completely wasted & babbles during. comes off at motherly after. groupie drives her home.

Gotta love this thread and I like your version too. I can totally see this happening (well maybe not now, but back then)!

Michelle Daya · #12 04-21-2007, 06:22 PM

thanks. i can see a lot more happening back then

Musicman408 · #13 04-21-2007, 08:11 PM

That was crazy, and yet a little funny.

amber · #14 04-27-2007, 01:21 AM

My.God.

eerily accurate, according to me, and things I would imagine. Although, I think Stevie would flirt more first. There would be more of a big production...she would change lingerie outfits...several times...and demand the guy say "oo, I love the red one!" then "ooo, the gold one is great!" then "those shoes are so hot on you!" then "that black one is so slimming!"...then "take off the shawl, baybeh!"...then, if he didn't say it with enough feeling, there would be a big vague sorrowful song about it...because obviously he didn't love her enough...otherwise....spot on.

Just had to pop in and say that I've decided you are a genius. I always suspected from your Stevie picture captions. Now I am sure. Keep up the important yet useless yet infinitely amusing work.

Ta. I'm glad I happened to check in tonight, cause I hate missing genius.