My $#@*&?! of a family

markolas · #1 12-01-2006, 09:00 PM

So, for a number of reasons, I have not talked to my mother (who lives about 500 miles away) in about 6-7 months. I didn't really have any plans to either, but I most certainly don't after she pulled this little stunt.

A little background: my mother and I have never really gotten along; our personality types are polar opposites...I'm an extreme introvert who doesn't really give a **** about what people with money think of me...my mother is maniacally extroverted and obsessed with keeping up appearances of having the "perfect family." She's also very emotionally manipulative.

She's also always been very embarrassed by me because of my personality. I could tell even when I was a little, little kid. She also has a tendency to use me as a kind of social punching bag...whenever she is around some people (usually people with money) to whom she feels inferior in some way, she props herself up by ever-so-subtly putting me down, and sometimes (as in this instance) outright berating me. She's also usually doing it to make me feel guilty about something (mostly for being an "ungrateful little bastard," one of her main terms of endearment for me since I was little).

Anyway, I hadn't heard from her in six months when she calls and leaves a message on my work voicemail (yes, my work voicemail). The message itself was just her yelling at me (literally...I had to put my hand over the earpiece when I listened to the message) to call her. But here's the real gem.

She "forgot" to hang up the phone after leaving the message, so I was treated to an additional 2 minutes of her berating the **** out of me to someone else. I couldn't tell who she was talking to, and couldn't make out a lot of what she was saying, but I did hear her say that she hated me. She also apparently misinterpreted my voicemail greeting to say that I was the "Head of New Business," and so she went on about how there was no telling how much money I was making.

Now, I know perfectly well that my mother did not "forget" to hang up the phone. The whole thing was completely intentional. She had absolutely no interest in talking to me whatsoever. I predicted that she would not call me back after leaving that message. Surprise, surprise...it's been a month later, and I have not heard another peep out of her. She didn't want to talk to me, she wanted to lay a guilt trip on me (and probably make herself out to look like some sort of martyred saint in the eyes of whomever that was she was talking to).

I'm moving tomorrow and having all my numbers changed so she won't be able to get ahold or me (she already doesn't know where I live, aside from what city) and leave anymore messages like that. I am so completely done with this whole family (there are more stories where this came from, believe me).

jannieC · #2 12-01-2006, 09:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by markolas

So, for a number of reasons, I have not talked to my mother (who lives about 500 miles away) in about 6-7 months. I didn't really have any plans to either, but I most certainly don't after she pulled this little stunt.

A little background: my mother and I have never really gotten along; our personality types are polar opposites...I'm an extreme introvert who doesn't really give a **** about what people with money think of me...my mother is maniacally extroverted and obsessed with keeping up appearances of having the "perfect family." She's also very emotionally manipulative.

She's also always been very embarrassed by me because of my personality. I could tell even when I was a little, little kid. She also has a tendency to use me as a kind of social punching bag...whenever she is around some people (usually people with money) to whom she feels inferior in some way, she props herself up by ever-so-subtly putting me down, and sometimes (as in this instance) outright berating me. She's also usually doing it to make me feel guilty about something (mostly for being an "ungrateful little bastard," one of her main terms of endearment for me since I was little).

Anyway, I hadn't heard from her in six months when she calls and leaves a message on my work voicemail (yes, my work voicemail). The message itself was just her yelling at me (literally...I had to put my hand over the earpiece when I listened to the message) to call her. But here's the real gem.

She "forgot" to hang up the phone after leaving the message, so I was treated to an additional 2 minutes of her berating the **** out of me to someone else. I couldn't tell who she was talking to, and couldn't make out a lot of what she was saying, but I did hear her say that she hated me. She also apparently misinterpreted my voicemail greeting to say that I was the "Head of New Business," and so she went on about how there was no telling how much money I was making.

Now, I know perfectly well that my mother did not "forget" to hang up the phone. The whole thing was completely intentional. She had absolutely no interest in talking to me whatsoever. I predicted that she would not call me back after leaving that message. Surprise, surprise...it's been a month later, and I have not heard another peep out of her. She didn't want to talk to me, she wanted to lay a guilt trip on me (and probably make herself out to look like some sort of martyred saint in the eyes of whomever that was she was talking to).

I'm moving tomorrow and having all my numbers changed so she won't be able to get ahold or me (she already doesn't know where I live, aside from what city) and leave anymore messages like that. I am so completely done with this whole family (there are more stories where this came from, believe me).

I am so sorry about that. Sometimes it really is best to cut contact with toxic people, even close family. I know that you may think that you're used to it, but that still has to hurt. Sorry-

Sugar · #3 12-01-2006, 09:11 PM

Yes, your posts in the gift thread have now come a bit into focus.

So sorry she has to be like this. Kudos to you for not buying into it. People like that just want an argument, and you didn't give it to her. Still, it shouldn't be that way.

DrummerDeanna · #4 12-01-2006, 09:14 PM

Wow. That is intense. I think you're doing the right thing, you don't need that kind of energy in your life...

BTFLCHLD · #5 12-01-2006, 09:20 PM

wow markolas...run don't walk.

JazmenFlowers · #6 12-01-2006, 09:23 PM

that is total bull****. I don't blame you for changing your numbers. was she treating badly as a child by your grandparents? I have friends that have mothers like that and I tell them all the time, mother or not, you don't deserve that kind of ****...especially once you're an adult and tell them to eff off.

Red · #7 12-01-2006, 09:30 PM

Oh God, she sounds like a pretty miserable woman. It's only a half truth that we can't choose our family...surround yourself with friends and loved ones. When you make that choice, they become more of a family than a bio-family can ever be.

Nico · #8 12-01-2006, 10:50 PM

That is just terrible. I also agree that you are making the right choice. A long time ago I used to think perhaps some of my friends were "selfish" and "cruel" to completely ignore their parents and family, but since then I have seen the light. No one deserves to have such negativity in their lives. Focus on yourself and I hope that you are surrounded by mostly positive forces from now on.

irishgrl · #9 12-01-2006, 10:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by markolas

I am so completely done with this whole family (there are more stories where this came from, believe me).

Nuff Said.

ontheEdgeof17 · #10 12-01-2006, 11:22 PM

This must be a very rough time for you, but I believe you are doing the best for your sanity. Just because she gave birth to you, doesn't mean she needs to be in your life forever...esp after the stunts she has pulled on you.

carrie721 · #11 12-01-2006, 11:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ontheEdgeof17

This must be a very rough time for you, but I believe you are doing the best for your sanity. Just because she gave birth to you, doesn't mean she needs to be in your life forever...esp after the stunts she has pulled on you.

agreed.

blood is not thicker than water.

best of luck, markolas.

JazmenFlowers · #12 12-01-2006, 11:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ontheEdgeof17

This must be a very rough time for you, but I believe you are doing the best for your sanity. Just because she gave birth to you, doesn't mean she needs to be in your life forever...esp after the stunts she has pulled on you.

ITA.

it sucks because you always want at least your mom to "be on your side" and then you realize hell my parents are effing nuts...it can be hard to deal with.

Gypsy-Rhiannon · #13 12-02-2006, 05:10 AM

You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.... so true. Sorry to hear about this. I know from my own experiences how nasty parents can be. Thinking of you!

Pip

markolas · #14 12-02-2006, 07:49 AM

Hey, everyone...I really appreciate all the replies. Glad to know you all understand where I'm coming from.

I've got one or two grandmother stories I may share, too, since Jaz was talking about his grandmother.

But anyway, today is moving day for me (Livia, cliffdweller - I'm finally moving to South Austin, but the new apartment is actually closer to Sunset Valley - so I'm going from one extreme end to the other

) so I will be offline until Monday, probably.

jannieC · #15 12-02-2006, 07:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by markolas

Hey, everyone...I really appreciate all the replies. Glad to know you all understand where I'm coming from.

I've got one or two grandmother stories I may share, too, since Jaz was talking about his grandmother.

But anyway, today is moving day for me (Livia, cliffdweller - I'm finally moving to South Austin, but the new apartment is actually closer to Sunset Valley - so I'm going from one extreme end to the other

) so I will be offline until Monday, probably.

Good luck with your move-