Who was more f**ked up?

lagringader&r · #1 10-14-2005, 05:07 PM

This thread isn't meant to be offensive but I have a question and I can't decide who is more *wrong* or *confused*. I have a friend (no it is NOT me) who I was talking to on the phone. Ok this chick has not had sex in a really long time. A really long time. I'm talking about more than a few trips around the sun. She has dudes hitting on her and she goes out but she won't have sex. None of my friends are into the whole moral religious thing so that's not it. So she's telling me about this dude she went out with about 3 times. The last of those dates he got really out of control even tho she told him she wasn't going to have sex with him. She said she let him go further than usual but she didn't know he had *whipped it out*. She freaked out and actually scared him or so he told her. I think she's afraid to have sex. But who is more *wrong* or *confused*? Him, for whipping it out? Or her for freaking out? She also thinks the dude split because she told him how long it had been and freaked out at the sight of his d**k or at the idea of what he was about to do. So she thinks he split. Can peeps be afraid of sex? And why? She's one of my only female friends so I don't know what advice to give her. I am a walking nerve ending so I don't have that problem and don't know what to say. Anybody?

amber · #2 10-14-2005, 05:18 PM

It's all very bizarre to me. Have you asked her why she doesn't want to? She probably holds the key.
I think they're both kind of strange, but he's strange in a bad way.

GypsySorcerer · #3 10-14-2005, 05:22 PM

I have known a few women who were scared of physical and emotional intimacy and so they avoided relationships altogether. Perhaps she is just really nervous because it's been so long, or perhaps it's something more. However, if she truly has intimacy issues, a therapist might help.

As for the guy, he just sounds overeager.

Neal · #4 10-14-2005, 05:46 PM

I applaud anyone who's willing to "whip it out".

But seriously, it's hard to say without knowing your friend better.

estranged4life · #5 10-14-2005, 05:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lagringader&r

She said she let him go further than usual but she didn't know he had *whipped it out*. She freaked out and actually scared him or so he told her.

the whipped-out dick seems to belong to a bigger dick.

And Yes, people can be afraid of sex (By looking at the GIFS in my signature I am sure y'all can guess my opinion on the big ol' S-E-X!!!)

SuzeQuze · #6 10-14-2005, 05:53 PM

Do you think she was abused? That is a common reason to avoid sex. If you can talk to her about it I would mention counseling to her if she seems to be looking for advice. Otherwise I guess just listen and try to be supportive.

lagringader&r · #7 10-14-2005, 06:02 PM

I asked her if she was afraid of it and she said she didn't think so. If I didn't want to have sex with somebody, I would just tell them to put it in their pants and go home but I wouldn't freak out. I know one guy forced it on her a long time ago and she had a really long and not good relationship with another one of our friends. She got clean like me but even when she was still using, she wouldn't have sex with anybody. I used to think she was just picky but the freaking out thing makes me think there's something more to it. She said that she can't get turned on by even fantasizing about a guy but I'm pretty sure she's not gay. So I think the fear thing?

lagringader&r · #8 10-14-2005, 06:10 PM

Lux, well she did go to me for advice which is how I know about it. It isn't meant to be offensive but I think f**ked up can mean different things. He might be f**ked up coz he whipped it out after she told him no. So that's a bad kind of f**ked up like Amber said. Or she could be f**ked up for not ever wanting to have sex and maybe being afraid of it. Freaking out at the sight of a d**k is not normal I don't think. That's a different kind of f**ked up and more like there's something in her mind. She did come to me tho coz she didn't know what the hell had happened to her when she freaked out. I don't know what to tell her so I'm asking other peeps. I'm sorry if it offends you.

SapphireSister · #9 10-14-2005, 06:15 PM

I do not think your friend is f*ucked up just because she does not want to have sex. There are so many things that could be going on with her that you are totally unaware of and maybe she's confused as well. Perhaps this is something that she's struggling with and needs to work out on her own or with the help of a therapist but I don't think you telling her she's f*cked up is going to help the situation.

A lot of people have sexual issues, it doesn't make you a f*cked up person. If she freaked out I'm sure she had her reasons. My adivse would be to be a good friend and offer your support, not make her feel like a freak.

She should be with someone who has an understanding that she has issues with sex and is comfortable with that. Obviously the guy who wipped it out isn't so good thing he's out of the picture.

irishgrl · #10 10-14-2005, 06:15 PM

there are women who are so uptight about it that they actually experience physical pain at the slightest penetration....one of my women's mags had an article....your friend needs someone to unload to, I think, because if she ever meets someone to fall in love with, she's going to have a really hard time.
I'll try and see if I can look up that article when I get home (Im at work!)

amber · #11 10-14-2005, 06:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SapphireSister

I do not think your friend is f*ucked up just because she does not want to have sex. There are so many things that could be going on with her that you are totally unaware of and maybe she's confused as well. Perhaps this is something that she's struggling with and needs to work out on her own or with the help of a therapist but I don't think you telling her she's f*cked up is going to help the situation.

A lot of people have sexual issues, it doesn't make you a f*cked up person. If she freaked out I'm sure she had her reasons. My adivse would be to be a good friend and offer your support, not make her feel like a freak.

She should be with someone who has an understanding that she has issues with sex and is comfortable with that. Obviously the guy who wipped it out isn't so good thing he's out of the picture.

She didn't tell her friend she was f*cked up. It's just an adjective she used here on the board to describe something she thought was strange. Just saying. And it sounds like she is supporting her. Again, I'm pretty sure she didn't call her friend "f*cked up".

lagringader&r · #12 10-14-2005, 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SapphireSister

I do not think your friend is f*ucked up just because she does not want to have sex. There are so many things that could be going on with her that you are totally unaware of and maybe she's confused as well. Perhaps this is something that she's struggling with and needs to work out on her own or with the help of a therapist but I don't think you telling her she's f*cked up is going to help the situation.

A lot of people have sexual issues, it doesn't make you a f*cked up person. If she freaked out I'm sure she had her reasons. My adivse would be to be a good friend and offer your support, not make her feel like a freak.

She should be with someone who has an understanding that she has issues with sex and is comfortable with that. Obviously the guy who wipped it out isn't so good thing he's out of the picture.

For you and Lux, I did NOT tell her she was f**ked up. I listened to what she said and I didn't know what to say. I DID NOT make her feel like a freak. She's like the only chick I'm really friends with in real life (most of my friends are guys) and I don't go around telling peeps they're f**ked up. It is obvious that I care or I wouldn't even bother trying to understand or to help her. I don't have any experience with this so I don't know what to say and I wanted to know if it's normal to be afraid of sex. I don't think it's normal to freak out looking at a d**k.

lagringader&r · #13 10-14-2005, 06:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amber

She didn't tell her friend she was f*cked up. It's just an adjective she used here on the board to describe something she thought was strange. Just saying. And it sounds like she is supporting her. Again, I'm pretty sure she didn't call her friend "f*cked up".

Thanks Amber! I was surprised to see that coming from Lindsay.

lagringader&r · #14 10-14-2005, 06:41 PM

Lux, WHAT? Try going back and reading the other posts before you post. This is the last one I'm addressing to you coz I'm starting to get pissed. Stop being so judging and go back and read. I came here to ask a question and not get flamed. Thank you.

On edit: I see you changed your post so I got rid of your quote.

jannieC · #15 10-14-2005, 06:45 PM

My hunch is that your friend has some past abuse issues. It certainly is not normal to be afraid of a male organ, but then again I have no idea how old she is- and that may be somewhat of a factor. So, while it's not "normal", of course it's not f*cked up either. But she probably needs help. Can you discuss going to a therapist?