Good or bad kid

[skcin]

Our family is having issues with my almost 14 year old niece. She's cussing out her parents, she's been caught smoking, she lies all the time, does poorly in school & apparently she and her friends have been hainging out with an unemployed 19 year old father of 2. Broken home, yada yada yada. She told her stepmom "If I had a dick, you could suck it." Real classy.

So I'm worried about her & I'm trying to think of something to do for her or say to her without preaching. I then realized that I was doing the same crap at her age. Scary. I have thanked God many times that I'm still alive & have a great life - dumb kid, dumb mistakes. Many friends did a lot worse than I did.

I don't really want advice about my niece. But I'm curious how many of you were/are bad kids.

My "badness" consisted of:

Mouthing off to my parents, lots of yelling

Drinking & smoking cigs from about age 14 or 15 until adulthood

Smoking pot heavily for about 6 months when I was 15; then sporadically until I was 19.

Used to go driving with a guy friend of mine. We would split a 12 pack of beer & he'd drive us around listening to music. Sheebus. I can't believe I got into a car with him repeatedly.

NEVER being where I said I was for a period of approximately 3 years- partying in woods/fields pretty much every weekend. Walked to & from most of these parties alone in the dark many times. Spent a few nights outside in tents over the years with friends & boyfriends.

Kissed LOTS of boys at those parties. Oh what fun. No sex until 16 though. Of course, my BF was 21 at the time. Parents thought he was 18. Oh well.

Got detention/ in-school suspension (they put us in the basement & we had to stay awake, face front & not talk or do anything besides study for the entire day) a few times, probably for smoking or coming in late or something.


I NEVER:

Did coke, acid or any drugs heavier than pot
Was promiscuous
Drove drunk (well, maybe once)
Called my parents names (or told them to suck my pretend dick)
Got into any physical altercations
Stole/shoplifted
Ran away
Failed a subject in school

Anyone care to share?

[amber]

Nope. Did acid a few times with my friend senior year and after. That's it. Oh, cut school or parts of school occasionally, with forged notes. Got in trouble in school sometimes for being "mouthy" and "having an attitude" No drinking, no partying, no smoking, no boys until 10 days before my 18th birthday. Highschool GPA was 3.0 with lots of extracurricular activities and minimal homework done....
I was:
A) Scared ****less of my mother, who kept very close tabs on me.
B) To busy with school activities to really do anything that bad anyways. I had sports practice every day after school for almost my entire school life starting in Jr. High. Choir. Band. Drama rehearsal. etc.
C) Thought people who did that stuff were kind of dumb. I hung out with smart kids. And I don't mean they were dumb necessarily because they did that, I mean I just didn't like the people who did that, anyways. (excluding sex, some of my friends were hos... )

[wondergirl9847]

I am an angel and a saint who has never done anything wro......BWAHAHAHA!!

Sorry, couldn't say it with a straight face. I've lied to my parents, told them I was one place, but went to another, snuck into an R rated movie, told my mom it was PG-13 (I think I was 14 or something). Skipped P.E. class once and got in HUGE trouble for it. Failed English class (was supposed to recite The Raven, but decided it was crap, so I didn't) one six weeks and got in HUGE trouble. Have fought with my parents (yelling and arguing). Normal kid stuff, I guess.

I have never smoked, drank or did drugs and almost like Steve Carrell, am the 29-Year-Old-Virgin.

Well, I guess I AM an .

[skcin]

Originally Posted by amber

C) Thought people who did that stuff were kind of dumb. I hung out with smart kids. And I don't mean they were dumb necessarily because they did that, I mean I just didn't like the people who did that, anyways.

Oh yeah? Well f*ck you, Amber. If I had a dick, you could suck it.

I'm kidding of course. Looking back, lots of my friends back in high schoolWERE dumb. A lot of them still are, from what I hear. The funny thing is that me & my 3 best friends turned out great. Educations, jobs, homes, friends & family, the whole 9 yards. Go figure. Guess WE weren't dumb.

[amber]

Originally Posted by skcin

Oh yeah? Well f*ck you, Amber. If I had a dick, you could suck it.

I'm kidding of course. Looking back, lots of my friends back in high schoolWERE dumb. A lot of them still are, from what I hear. The funny thing is that me & my 3 best friends turned out great. Educations, jobs, homes, friends & family, the whole 9 yards. Go figure. Guess WE weren't dumb.

Exactly. I probably would have liked you.

[estranged4life]

maker as a kid, I was allowed to say whatever I wanted with whatever words I wanted (My Mom believed if you had to say something you say EXACTLY what you wanted to say in your own choice of words.)

Out of us 3 boyz I was allowed to do whatever the hell I wanted, because my Mother trusted me to know right from wrong and I watched both my older brothers and learned from their mistakes.

I never cared to smoke or drink or party...Didnt see the point to it.

Didnt hang around with anyone in school I would ever consider a true friend...Didnt feel like being associated with immature asshats (At age 18 most of the people I knew were older and they said I always acted older than the numbers in my age actually showed.)

Worked 40 hour weeks at age 18....Worked for myself doing lawn work from age 12-17 each and every summer.

I had an "A-"/"B+" average throughout high school...So school was never a problem either.

My ONLY downfall is my extremely well-known short explosive and violent temper (Only reared its head when I was provoked)...Otherwise I was not a problem child.

[skcin]

I hung out with an older crowd too Brian. But they were the "bad crowd." I was 15, they were all between 17 & 22. And they all went to the rival high school. My future husband was one of them. God, him & his mullet were hawt. I remember asking my BF at the time "who's that guy" and he said "why, do you think he's hot" and I was all like "um, no, I was just wondering." HA! YES, I DID think he was hot! So there!

Come on, badasses, where the hell are ya? I thought my exploits were tame & so far I'm the baddest apple in the bunch. Lagringa? Sparky? Towie - come on, you & that hair had to have done some damage back in the day! Trackie? Sapphire? ANYONE?

Oh, yeah, it's Saturday night & not everyone's sitting in front of their computer drinking.

[skcin]

Originally Posted by amber

Exactly. I probably would have liked you.

I probably would have liked you too. As long as you weren't a cheerleader.

[amber]

Originally Posted by skcin

Oh, yeah, it's Saturday night & not everyone's sitting in front of their computer drinking.

Of course the bad ones are out partying...or something.
and the good ones are home. See? It's all the same...
In fact, I'm cleaning my refigerator in addition to other exciting cleaning projects....







*dork*

[CelticGypsy]

Your neice sounds like she is heading in the wrong direction. She needs a mentor or role model to get her back on track. If she comes from a broken home then her real parents and step-parents can go to therapy and get some things worked out. Your neice has some anger issues and she is getting attention from the parents by acting out.

I have raised three children and they are now on their own and doing very well. Most teenagers do mess up and make some stupid mistakes. All part of growing up. The problem is some kids grow up without any guidance and you have 40+ adults running around acting like 17 year olds and have not become responsible adults because they are too involved with drugs or alcoholics.

I am glad my kids are older than 19 years old and I never would accept that kind of attitude from my kids. That kind of disrespect is not needed in a home and that young lady would be on the first airplane to a boot camp if she was my child and she was not able to control her hatred for her step-mom. Her father really needs to explain to her some ground rules while she is living in his/step-mom's home. They need to set limits for her now that she is already 14. It will only get worse the older she gets if she chooses to be acting that way towards her parents.

I am not trying to preach but I do have a neice that is 21 and she doesn't have any communication with her parents or relatives since she was 19 years old. She was on drugs at age 13, she stole from her parents to get more drugs and she has gotten several abortions since she was 14 years old. Is this the kind of life you want for your young neice? Your neice is screaming for help and her actions are showing that. I hope her parents and family members will hear her and help her out now.

As for me, I didn't do anything wrong. I was one of those kids that went to church and loved school and I didn't want to hurt my parents by doing dumb or stupid things. I wanted them to be proud I was their daughter. My three younger brothers messed up and I saw what that did to my family. I didn't want to put my parents through their own personal Hell. Being cool is not drinking or taking drugs. Being cool is doing something good with your life.

[amber]

Originally Posted by skcin

I probably would have liked you too. As long as you weren't a cheerleader.

I just told you what I did. Was cheerleading on that list? Did I stutter?

[skcin]

Celticgypsy,

While I respect your comments, I feel the need to repost my original statement.

Originally Posted by skcin

I don't really want advice about my niece.

I am a nurse who has over 5 years of psych experience working with adolescent girls in a residential treatment facility. I am well aware of all of the things you mentioned in your post & I don't disagree with you. Thanks.

[GypsySorcerer]

I was thinking about starting a topic similar to this. Weird. Anyway, I was never a trouble-maker. Like Amber, I was scared ****less of my mom. I never smoke, drank, or did any drugs in high school. My high school sweetie was very similar to me, good kid, and all that. He started hanging around with a different crowd, though, and we broke up soon after that. He never kicked the drug habit, and last November, he committed suicide. I still think about him, even though we'd lost touch pretty much after high school.

Having said all that, I couldn't wait to go away to college. I was on a mission to make up for lost time. And I did.

[skcin]

Originally Posted by Lux

My last day of school ever was memorable. I always seem to go out with a bout of defacing. This one had some rather terrifying results though.

Spill it, heathen.

[skcin]

Originally Posted by Lux

Oh must I? Not a kind of terror related to law enforcement although this Irish woman was probably scarier.

I love that I can never understand what you're saying. Now tell us about what a bad girl you were the last day of school. Wait...you're not just going to repeat the fact that you wrote that one of your teachers was a c*cksucker over the door, are you? Cuz that's old news.