What should I do/rant

DrummerDeanna · #1 08-14-2005, 02:42 PM

Okay - so I'm been in Rochester for almost a year now.

I've met some nice people - there are a couple of girls I go to dinner with about once a week.

My problem? I REALLY REALLY DISLIKE one of them. Now - she's a very sweet girl - but she is not very bright - and she totally lacks common sense. She never has anything of value to contribute to conversations - mostly she sits there and nods - then states the obvious. Or she'll try to contribute by telling a story -and she'll laugh and laugh through the whole story - and I NEVER find them funny -they're really really stupid - like I don't even think my 6 year old nephew would find them funny.

I think she's got a learning disability of some sort because her ability to retain information is pretty much nil - she doesn't seem to be able to read too well - like she got a ticket once and was telling us and she said, "The instructions say i have to go down to the traffic 'boo-roo' " BOO-ROO - was actually Bureau. Ok - then we were eating at REd Lobster once and she ordered the admiral's platter - only she asked for the "add-MY-rals" platter. wtf.

Ok - anyway - her very pressence annoys the **** out of me. SEriously. And so lately I am just outright not nice to her - I correct her stupid statements etc....it's horrible.

BUT the other girl (who says she too is annoyed by this girl) doesn't want us to not go out - and i do like the other girl.

I'm at my wits end though. I tried to have a little gathering last weekend WITHOUT said girl - she called right before it and said, "I heard that you might be having something at your place- am I invited" ugh...she had already talked to our friend and I felt really bad saying no - so I said yes

So it's not like she's outwardly doing anything to me - she's very nice and all that - she just makes me want to put sharp things in my eye.

How does one dump a friend? what should I do about this situation ?

I've tried taking a few weeks off from seeing her -but the minute I do all my rage comes back.

trackaghost · #2 08-14-2005, 03:01 PM

Oh my god, the bureau thing really made me laugh! Oh dear.

That is a very difficult situation. I've had to deal with people I don't like who just bring out the worst in me too, but luckily not so much in a social situation.

I wish I could be of more help Deanna, I have no clue, unless you and the other girl could arrange to meet independently of her and agree not to tell her.
It's so hard when you're trying to spare a person's feelings, I know.

DrummerDeanna · #3 08-14-2005, 03:06 PM

Yeah - me and the other girl often do things on the weekend or whatever - without stupid girl - but she then finds out and seems all hurt. Ugh - I just CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!!!

I was just thrown over the line on Friday when she came to my house and has nothing but stupid obvious **** to spew. I mean imagine someone who the entire night say's things like "oh you have carpet" or "your dog is furry" or "it's cold in the freezer" what the hell...we watched a movie and she TOTALLY missed the point of it - and I let her know

I hate being über bitch but it's like when she's around I just can't help myself!!

What makes it worse is that she is very sweet and it's more my issue with her than anything she is doing per se.

GypsySorcerer · #4 08-14-2005, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrummerDeanna

What makes it worse is that she is very sweet and it's more my issue with her than anything she is doing per se.

I hate situations like that. I would just ignore her, and eventually, she should get the hint.

strandinthewind · #5 08-14-2005, 03:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrummerDeanna

Okay - so I'm been in Rochester for almost a year now.

I've met some nice people - there are a couple of girls I go to dinner with about once a week.

My problem? I REALLY REALLY DISLIKE one of them. Now - she's a very sweet girl - but she is not very bright - and she totally lacks common sense. She never has anything of value to contribute to conversations - mostly she sits there and nods - then states the obvious. Or she'll try to contribute by telling a story -and she'll laugh and laugh through the whole story - and I NEVER find them funny -they're really really stupid - like I don't even think my 6 year old nephew would find them funny.

I think she's got a learning disability of some sort because her ability to retain information is pretty much nil - she doesn't seem to be able to read too well - like she got a ticket once and was telling us and she said, "The instructions say i have to go down to the traffic 'boo-roo' " BOO-ROO - was actually Bureau. Ok - then we were eating at REd Lobster once and she ordered the admiral's platter - only she asked for the "add-MY-rals" platter. wtf.

Ok - anyway - her very pressence annoys the **** out of me. SEriously. And so lately I am just outright not nice to her - I correct her stupid statements etc....it's horrible.

BUT the other girl (who says she too is annoyed by this girl) doesn't want us to not go out - and i do like the other girl.

I'm at my wits end though. I tried to have a little gathering last weekend WITHOUT said girl - she called right before it and said, "I heard that you might be having something at your place- am I invited" ugh...she had already talked to our friend and I felt really bad saying no - so I said yes

So it's not like she's outwardly doing anything to me - she's very nice and all that - she just makes me want to put sharp things in my eye.

How does one dump a friend? what should I do about this situation ?

I've tried taking a few weeks off from seeing her -but the minute I do all my rage comes back.

If you are to the point where you cannot be civil and are bring rude by corecting her, etc. - and if she was friends with this group first and they like her, etc. - then you should walk away. Nobody wants to be alienated from their friends solely because a newcomer does not like them regardless of whether the newcomer is right or wrong.

DrummerDeanna · #6 08-14-2005, 03:21 PM

I'm not a newcomer. We all met at the same time - and started hanging out at the same time.

I think I am going to have to walk away though - I mean - like I said - the other girl claims she can't stand this other girl too - but she does not seem to be as bad off as I am - she's better at tolerating her than I.

Also - I've tried just ignoring her - not taking her phone calls - not talking to her -she doesn't get this hint - she steps up efforts to talk to me.

estranged4life · #7 08-14-2005, 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrummerDeanna

like she got a ticket once and was telling us and she said, "The instructions say i have to go down to the traffic 'boo-roo' " BOO-ROO - was actually Bureau.

'boo-roo'? Sounds like something Scooby Doo would say

Johnny Stew · #8 08-14-2005, 04:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrummerDeanna

I think she's got a learning disability of some sort because her ability to retain information is pretty much nil - she doesn't seem to be able to read too well -

Maybe she does have a learning disability or some other type of challenge. That's very possible from what you described.

I realize being her friend can be exasperating, but if you and your other friend feel this way about her, then she's probably been dealing with these types of reactions from people her entire life.

The nicest thing you could do, might be to reach out to her more and make sure that she feels included. You never know how much it might mean to her to feel accepted.

amber · #9 08-14-2005, 04:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnny Stew

The nicest thing you could do, might be to reach out to her more and make sure that she feels included. You never know how much it might mean to her to feel accepted.

that of course is a great idea, stew, but did you notice the part where deanna says the girl makes her want to stick sharp objects into her own eyes? That she can't stand her, that the girl is driving her absolutely nuts? that she can't help correcting the girl, and being rude? Does deanna strike you as a mean person? no. This girl would obviously try the patience of a rock.
good idea, though. Hey, maybe you should call the girl!

Johnny Stew · #10 08-14-2005, 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amber

that of course is a great idea, stew, but did you notice the part where deanna says the girl makes her want to stick sharp objects into her own eyes? That she can't stand her, that the girl is driving her absolutely nuts? that she can't help correcting the girl, and being rude? Does deanna strike you as a mean person? no. This girl would obviously try the patience of a rock.
good idea, though. Hey, maybe you should call the girl!

Deanna's definitely not a mean person, and I completely understand that this girl sounds like she would try the patience of Mother Teresa.
But some people do need a little extra patience and understanding.

amber · #11 08-14-2005, 04:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnny Stew

Deanna's definitely not a mean person, and I completely understand that this girl sounds like she would try the patience of Mother Teresa.
But some people do need a little extra patience and understanding.

yes, they need it, but that doesn't mean everyone is equipped to provide it.

Johnny Stew · #12 08-14-2005, 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amber

yes, they need it, but that doesn't mean everyone is equipped to provide it.

I think we can all be more nurturing if we want to. It's not so much a matter of not being equipped, but more a matter of not having the desire.
Though I'm not saying this is the case in Deanna's situation... not at all... I'm just speaking in generalities.

amber · #13 08-14-2005, 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnny Stew

I think we can all be more nurturing if we want to. It's not so much a matter of not being equipped, but more a matter of not having the desire.
Though I'm not saying this is the case in Deanna's situation... not at all... I'm just speaking in generalities.

I suppose. But if we could, why wouldn't we? And, yeah, it seems like Deanna has tried.

*I think I just overdosed on sacharine reading this post. twitch.*

DrummerDeanna · #14 08-14-2005, 05:21 PM

I'm sorry but the above Stew/Amber exchange = giggles

The thing is - the fact that she can't help the way she is etc is what has made me feel SO bad about this whole thing.

I HAVE tried - every week I try - and I get myself to this place mentally where I think I'm all prepared and can handle it - then it all goes out the window when she opens her mouth.

Patience is not a virtue I was blessed with an abundance of - I admit that - but again, I've tried to be a friend - it worked briefly - I was doing ok - then I made the mistake of letting her dog/house sit - and that was just bad and now I just want to hurt her most of the time

and I'm a believer in the whole "do unto others" so I hate that I get so bitchy around her...

I know I need to walk away - but I guess the fact that I enjoy the company of the other girl makes it all that much harder.

Serrart · #15 08-14-2005, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrummerDeanna

I'm sorry but the above Stew/Amber exchange = giggles

The thing is - the fact that she can't help the way she is etc is what has made me feel SO bad about this whole thing.

I HAVE tried - every week I try - and I get myself to this place mentally where I think I'm all prepared and can handle it - then it all goes out the window when she opens her mouth.

Patience is not a virtue I was blessed with an abundance of - I admit that - but again, I've tried to be a friend - it worked briefly - I was doing ok - then I made the mistake of letting her dog/house sit - and that was just bad and now I just want to hurt her most of the time

and I'm a believer in the whole "do unto others" so I hate that I get so bitchy around her...

I know I need to walk away - but I guess the fact that I enjoy the company of the other girl makes it all that much harder.

Can't the other girl go out with you and her separately?

Romy