The Birth Order Of Children

Gypsy-Rhiannon · #1 02-12-2005, 10:32 AM

Your Clothes:

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN
confirms your pregnancy.

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth:

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.

3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

The Layette:

1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, colour-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.

3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries:

1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper,! a frown--you pick up the baby.

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.

3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical
swing.

Pacifier:

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.

2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.

3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Diapering:

1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.

2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.

3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities:

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.

2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.

3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out:

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.

2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.

3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home:

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing Coins (a favourite):

1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.

2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.

3rd child: When third child swallows a coin, you deduct it from their allowance!!

irishgrl · #2 02-12-2005, 11:18 AM

That's hilarious! and pretty on target!

WildInTheWind · #3 02-12-2005, 11:41 AM

That's cute Pip!

Miss Vicky · #4 02-14-2005, 08:12 PM

Aaahhh the joys of pregnancy and parenthood... which I've never experienced and with any luck never will. Don't have the patience for children and I find babies more disgusting than endearing.

I don't think there's a maternal bone in my body (at least not for human offspring)... and if there ever was, working for the school district for a year destroyed it.

amber · #5 02-14-2005, 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Vicky

Aaahhh the joys of pregnancy and parenthood... which I've never experienced and with any luck never will. Don't have the patience for children and I find babies more disgusting than endearing.

I don't think there's a maternal bone in my body (at least not for human offspring)... and if there ever was, working for the school district for a year destroyed it.

I feel almost as strongly, though I kind of want to have one child, maybe. But every time I dream i'm pregnant, in the dream, I give birth to a kitten. Which sounds strange, but isn't, cause i love animals, but children? Not as much. I do have patience for them as a sports coach, though, and teaching them things, so, at least there is hope for me.

I really just want to get it back when it is 3 or so...

Sadly, I like to play with children more than parent them.

Miss Vicky · #6 02-14-2005, 08:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amber

I feel almost as strongly, though I kind of want to have one child, maybe. But every time I dream i'm pregnant, in the dream, I give birth to a kitten. Which sounds strange, but isn't, cause i love animals, but children? Not as much. I do have patience for them as a sports coach, though, and teaching them things, so, at least there is hope for me.

I really just want to get it back when it is 3 or so...

Sadly, I like to play with children more than parent them.

I just find children generally revolting. They're loud, they're messy, they smell, they whine, they demand to have what they want RIGHT NOW! - They're basically like miniature men only not as cute.

I want my tubes tied, pronto!

amber · #7 02-14-2005, 08:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Vicky

I just find children generally revolting. They're loud, they're messy, they smell, they whine, they demand to have what they want RIGHT NOW! - They're basically like miniature men only not as cute.

I want my tubes tied, pronto!

Tell me about it. All my friends have babies, though, practically. My best friend has 3, and had her first one 3 days after her 19th birthday, so I am *somewhat* accustomed. Still, her first one was a brat (Although I love her now, she is a really cool, sweet, 11 year old) and she has a whiny 2 year old now, and my other friend who lives here also has a bratty, sneaky, rambunctious 2 year old who never minds. That's basically why I said I would want to take mine back after it was 3.

But, yeah, I don't like those qualities either. I'm basically torn about having one. On one hand, I don't want to be the kind of parent my mom was, but I would like to be the kind of parent my dad was. Unfortunately, I am temperamentally more like my mom. But also, there's the thing my mom said, which was something like "I've never experienced more joy, and would never trade ANYTHING in the world, for the joy of seeing your face" - she is not very maternal, either, so I'm hoping, maybe, I'll feel those same things when (if) I have my own baby. I'm counting on it, in fact.

But really I'd just rather have a giant yard with a massive fleet of different kinds of animals.

GypsySorcerer · #8 02-14-2005, 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amber

I feel almost as strongly, though I kind of want to have one child, maybe. But every time I dream i'm pregnant, in the dream, I give birth to a kitten. Which sounds strange, but isn't, cause i love animals, but children? Not as much. I do have patience for them as a sports coach, though, and teaching them things, so, at least there is hope for me.

I really just want to get it back when it is 3 or so...

Sadly, I like to play with children more than parent them.

I don't have a strong desire for children. Maybe it's an only child thing.

However, I am kind of surprised that you may want one. I will either have two or none.

ontheEdgeof17 · #9 02-14-2005, 08:59 PM

I need a surrogate. Any takers?

amber · #10 02-14-2005, 10:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GypsySorcerer

I don't have a strong desire for children. Maybe it's an only child thing.

However, I am kind of surprised that you may want one. I will either have two or none.

yeah, only child thing, probably. I just feel like I have all these great genes to pass along.

I'm good at sports, and school, and acting, and singing, and band. Now all I have to do is have one with someone more attractive, and taller, than me - with good skin.

That's pretty egocentric, though, I guess. But after all, I am an only child.

I also like to teach people things. I'm kind of torn about the amount of children. I think only children are fine, and I am for population control. But I think it is great to have a sibling, too. But I think you should space them 4 years apart for maximum get along-ocity. Truth be told, I'd love to have twins.

Waaaaaiiit...why are you suprised that i'd want one?

amber · #11 02-14-2005, 10:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ontheEdgeof17

I need a surrogate. Any takers?

Me!? "i've got the brains, you've got the looks...lets make lots of..."
Just kidding. You've got brains and looks! I have...athletic ability, with some brains...and, uh, some other cool stuff, I guess. Wait - who's got the money? there's the ticket!