What should I do/rant

[The Tower]

Originally Posted by Johnny Stew

Despite how my comments were construed/twisted, I wasn't telling you to put up with her at the sake of your own peace and happiness.

Originally Posted by amber

*he has a car, so i haven't strangeled him. plus, he's actually funny and nice most times. it's just this one thing*

Is this Mr. Long and Skinny or is this a different guy?

[amber]

Originally Posted by The Tower

Is this Mr. Long and Skinny or is this a different guy?

yeah. he's nice. his family has a tahoe cabin and also a vineyard in healdsburg with a nice house and a pool. It's been fun hanging out with him over the years. He plays guitar and drums, too, and sings good harmony. He plays frisbee and catch, too, and likes to hike and go to the marina. He's pretty cool, I probably shouldn't have said that. He is long and skinny, though.
He's an aquarius, though, so sometimes we just "miss" a bit. We have good intellectual repoire, but not good emotional. He gets mad at things i would never get mad at (like "you singed the corner of my cutting board!" or "you left a bottle of whiskey in the car, and my dad found it!") and I get mad at things he doesn't understand ("you were totally nicer to her!").
He's a good friend, though.
*why did I just say all that? *

[The Tower]

Originally Posted by amber

yeah. he's nice. his family has a tahoe cabin and also a vineyard in healdsburg with a nice house and a pool. It's been fun hanging out with him over the years. He plays guitar and drums, too, and sings good harmony. He plays frisbee and catch, too, and likes to hike and go to the marina. He's pretty cool, I probably shouldn't have said that. He is long and skinny, though.
He's an aquarius, though, so sometimes we just "miss" a bit. We have good intellectual repoire, but not good emotional. He gets mad at things i would never get mad at (like "you singed the corner of my cutting board!" or "you left a bottle of whiskey in the car, and my dad found it!") and I get mad at things he doesn't understand ("you were totally nicer to her!").
He's a good friend, though.
*why did I just say all that? *

Bonus #1) Tahoe cabin (!!!!!)

Bonus #2) Athletic (washboard abs????)

Bonus #3) Vineyard in Healdsburg

Bonus #4) Musically inclined

Bonus #6) Aquarius (air signs are hot- lemme guess, blue eyes and dark hair?)

Downer #1) Detached Aquarian vibe hits quincunx with Cancerian mood mama


Oh well, hopefully the sex is good- although quincunx sex is usually the worst. If he's got a good body and the equipment is awesome, I say stick with it. If he's got great chest hair, I say stick with it even more...

[amber]

Originally Posted by The Tower

Bonus #1) Tahoe cabin (!!!!!)

Bonus #2) Athletic (washboard abs????)

Bonus #3) Vineyard in Healdsburg

Bonus #4) Musically inclined

Bonus #6) Aquarius (air signs are hot- lemme guess, blue eyes and dark hair?)

Downer #1) Detached Aquarian vibe hits quincunx with Cancerian mood mama


Oh well, hopefully the sex is good- although quincunx sex is usually the worst. If he's got a good body and the equipment is awesome, I say stick with it. If he's got great chest hair, I say stick with it even more...

no, he's blue dirty blond, but thinning. (I don't care about that).
I know, those things are great, but we'll always just be friends. It didn't work when we tried to go out. He has moon in pisces, rising gemini, BTW. The thing is, he's....his vibe is like, not really sexual. He talks to girls like they're just people. Which is great, but....also, he's not very affectionate. Or something...it's hard to describe, but he's a little stiff sometimes. Like he'll talk sort of formally to me. And no, there's no washboard abs. And that equipment, towie, is not "awesome" it's "adequate". The stuff is pretty good, when we get to it, after he's finished talking and not doing anything.
He doesn't want me either, though, so it's okay. We're like, friends who hang out once a month, or a bit more often, or randomly go do stuff together.
Thanks for the breakdown, Towie. Also? I've only been to his (family's) cabin once, when we were dating.

[The Tower]

Originally Posted by amber

He has moon in pisces, rising gemini, BTW.

Holy Flake-a-saurus, Batman!!!!!!

Also? I've only been to his (family's) cabin once, when we were dating.

Well, that blows... Tahoe cabin in the snow, with the snow falling is mack-out central.

[amber]

Originally Posted by The Tower

Holy Flake-a-saurus, Batman!!!!!!


Well, that blows... Tahoe cabin in the snow, with the snow falling is mack-out central.

yeah, he barely has a job. In the summer. teaching kids to swim. of course he's in a band, but...
We went in august, it was awesome, we went to the river.
I"ve tried before, I really can't date air signs. I sweah!
'Sides, I''m not really a gold digger.

[lagringader&r]

Originally Posted by The Tower

If you don't like her, don't fake it and be nice to her. There's nothing wrong with not clicking with someone, it happens all the time.

If you don't like her Deanna, be honest with her. If she someone butts in and tries to inviter herself to stuff she wasn't invited to, just tell the truth- "I'm sorry Jane Doe, but I'm not really clicking with you and this is a gathering for me and my friends. I'm not trying to offend you- I just don't think we'll be getting along and I'd like to enjoy myself."

I totally disagree. How hard is it to be nice to someone who might be somewhat mentally challenged for only a few hours at a time? If you don't click with somebody, it doesn't mean you have to not be nice. You can still be nice and even if you don't feel it, you're being *insincere* for a good reason. To spare somebody else's feelings. I can't relate coz I have a few not-so-bright friends (maybe I'm even one of them) and stupidity doesn't bother me. Someone being mean does. Bitches I can't hang with. Peeps who just aren't up with everybody else's IQs, I can hang with and don't have a problem with. If this chick is mentally challenged, she's probably or might be used to getting treated differently and this little speech on her might be more devastating than you think. They're her dinners and her friends too, after all. So I disagree, Tower. Being honest isn't always the best policy and could really hurt somebody who's not doing anything more wrong than just being annoying.

Deanna, I would walk away from the situation and those dinners. Because this chick is so persistent, it sounds to me like she really likes you. You don't feel the same and it's driving you crazy and you've admitted to being cruel to her and correcting her, so are these dinners worth it? For her sake and yours? Maybe you could hook up with the other chick (the one that doesn't piss you off) on another night. I'd drop out of the dinners though. Good luck and I hope it works out for you!

[amber]

Originally Posted by lagringader&r

I totally disagree. How hard is it to be nice to someone who might be somewhat mentally challenged for only a few hours at a time? If you don't click with somebody, it doesn't mean you have to not be nice. You can still be nice and even if you don't feel it, you're being *insincere* for a good reason. To spare somebody else's feelings. I can't relate coz I have a few not-so-bright friends (maybe I'm even one of them) and stupidity doesn't bother me. Someone being mean does. Bitches I can't hang with. Peeps who just aren't up with everybody else's IQs, I can hang with and don't have a problem with.

I totally agree with you, in theory. I think it's wonderful, and very rare and special, that you can hang out with your not so bright friends, and that "stupidity" doesn't bother you. Obviously, we all have our own scales of what kind of people we can and cannot hang out with. I would never be happier than if no one was ever bothered by hanging out with certain kinds of people, including that who we deem "not so bright" (which is at least *somewhat* subjective)
Although you are the special kind of person who does not mind hanging out with "mentally challenged" people for a few hours each week, this may not be everyone's skill. I think the best *most people* could do in this situation would to be, like you said, nice. However, if you feel you may gouge your own eyes out, or somehow blow up at the person if you spend any more time with them, at that point I think you should disengage from your obligation to be "nice" and remove yourself from the situation, because the aforementioned reactions are much worse than someone removing themselves.
That said, My admiration for people who can always be nice to everyone, knows no bounds.
And let us also fairly note, that, I have...perhaps...sometimes...maybe....the temper span of a badger that is fighting with a raccoon over a fresh found slab of meat....and...a pack of hyenas is sneaking up on them...and....they just heard the bark of a male lion...and...vultures are circling....okay, the Hyperbole Police are coming for me, but you see what I mean.

[The Tower]

Originally Posted by lagringader&r

I totally disagree. How hard is it to be nice to someone who might be somewhat mentally challenged for only a few hours at a time? If you don't click with somebody, it doesn't mean you have to not be nice. You can still be nice and even if you don't feel it, you're being *insincere* for a good reason. To spare somebody else's feelings. I can't relate coz I have a few not-so-bright friends (maybe I'm even one of them) and stupidity doesn't bother me. Someone being mean does. Bitches I can't hang with. Peeps who just aren't up with everybody else's IQs, I can hang with and don't have a problem with.

I think you're missing my point.

In social settings where lots of people gather, I would never suggest that someone just walk around stating the bare honest truth about everyone they meet. However, if one is building friendships and someone is part of the mix that is just not gelling, then I think it is only fair to say, "Look- this isn't working". There is no point in stringing someone along in the semblance of a friendship when it doesn't exist. It doesn't have anything to do with being nice, hurting someone's feelings, or whether or not someone is mentally challenged. I have known many "mentally challenged" people over my lifetime. Some of them I liked and some of them I didn't- just like any other person.

If this chick is mentally challenged, she's probably or might be used to getting treated differently and this little speech on her might be more devastating than you think.

Meh. Time to grow up. If one is "used to getting treated differently" and all of a sudden society throws them a curveball, ya gotta deal with it one way or another.

They're her dinners and her friends too, after all.

If one is being crowded out of social situations, perhaps they should initiate their own social gatherings where they are the inviter instead of the invitee.

Being honest isn't always the best policy and could really hurt somebody who's not doing anything more wrong than just being annoying.

I think being annoying can be a pretty "wrong" thing. And if one is planning on being friends with someone else, or even regular acquaintences, I think it's only fair to be honest with one another. If I were an annoyance to someone in that kind of situation, I would want to know- mainly because people aren't mind readers. One person's joking could be another one's jabbing. One person's constant fake laugh could be another person's "nails on the chalkboard". Part of being an adult is being able to handle different personalities without collapsing into a pile due to what someone else thinks about us. It's called self-esteem.

[BTFLCHLD]

Originally Posted by The Tower

"Look- this isn't working"

if it's been a year of niceties to now say this isnt working isnt cool...the mistake was hanging when it didnt feel right in the first place. the other girl still wants to have the dinners with said "stupid" one...so perhaps it would be best to ease off of both of them and have dinners with others...especially since the one girl is talking to the "stupid" girl about the dinners/parties and the fact that she wasnt invited...just be sure one is honest about how they feel about the friendship in the beginning....
a person doesnt become "stupid" overnight...or did i?

[DrummerDeanna]

Thanks guys - yeah "non-stupid girl" wasn't award that stupid girl wasn't invited to my place - it was her mistake - and once she realized she'd made it she felt awful - she claims to not be able to stand this girl either - BUT she's WAY nicer than I and more able to put up with her- she just bitches and bitches about it afterward

SO yeah - I'm going to walk away.

I can't take it.

I have once been honest with a friend and I "broke it off" with honest words -it was ugly - but we both were able to deal. I dont' think this chick can - she just DOESN'T get it. She doesn't "get" anything- so yeah.

I'm supposed to go with them tonight - not happening though - I seriously can't take her. I wish some of you could spend an afternoon with her...then you'd understand

Another example: we were talking about an upcoming event and I said, "Yeah so and so said there would be a lot of familiar faces there."

the girl I don't like said, "I don't know what that means."

I stopped and was like.."ummm..that there will be lots of people we're familiar with there..." weird.

Then there is the inability to take and follow directions (these things lead me to believe there must be a disability at play) - I gave her directions to my house once and I kid you not - I said, "Take a left on Genesee Park Boulevard" and she was like, "ok...so I take a right on Genesee STreet?" WTF!?!

So she got totally lost - and apparently went up and down the street I live on knocking on EVERY door until she found mine...why she could walk up to people's houses and KNOCK _ but not walk up and look for numbers is beyond me

Ok - so anyway I'm done. I'm walking away.

[eclipse]

Originally Posted by DrummerDeanna

Thanks guys - yeah "non-stupid girl" wasn't award that stupid girl wasn't invited to my place - it was her mistake - and once she realized she'd made it she felt awful - she claims to not be able to stand this girl either - BUT she's WAY nicer than I and more able to put up with her- she just bitches and bitches about it afterward

SO yeah - I'm going to walk away.

I can't take it.

I have once been honest with a friend and I "broke it off" with honest words -it was ugly - but we both were able to deal. I dont' think this chick can - she just DOESN'T get it. She doesn't "get" anything- so yeah.

I'm supposed to go with them tonight - not happening though - I seriously can't take her. I wish some of you could spend an afternoon with her...then you'd understand

Another example: we were talking about an upcoming event and I said, "Yeah so and so said there would be a lot of familiar faces there."

the girl I don't like said, "I don't know what that means."

I stopped and was like.."ummm..that there will be lots of people we're familiar with there..." weird.

Then there is the inability to take and follow directions (these things lead me to believe there must be a disability at play) - I gave her directions to my house once and I kid you not - I said, "Take a left on Genesee Park Boulevard" and she was like, "ok...so I take a right on Genesee STreet?" WTF!?!

So she got totally lost - and apparently went up and down the street I live on knocking on EVERY door until she found mine...why she could walk up to people's houses and KNOCK _ but not walk up and look for numbers is beyond me

Ok - so anyway I'm done. I'm walking away.

Tell her to "hit the road"....You choose friends and she didn't make the cut. Even if you don't say it out loud-might make ya feel better...

Me, I think I would tell the 2nd girlfriend the truth- That you just can't handle the 3rd. Don't want to be mean or back stabbing nor do you want to be fake and pretend to like her.
You either like someone or you don't. I find it's pretty clear cut, don't feel badly about it. Perhaps the 2nd friend has just not had the balls to say C-ya to the 3rd and your encourgement, will get you and number 3 off to being better buddies. If not, you have lost nothing, excpet an irratating acquaintence (She really is not a friend).

That is what I would do...but maybe you don't want to take my advise...I don't have a lot of friends
Best wishes, and don't just walk away...say something, you'll feel better
always the mediator,
~~eclipse~~

[skcin]

This girl is odd - doesn't really sound like she has a learning disability per se - it's like she's socially retarded or something. Do what you gotta do to save your sanity.

[amber]

Originally Posted by DrummerDeanna

Another example: we were talking about an upcoming event and I said, "Yeah so and so said there would be a lot of familiar faces there."

the girl I don't like said, "I don't know what that means."

I stopped and was like.."ummm..that there will be lots of people we're familiar with there..." weird.

Then there is the inability to take and follow directions (these things lead me to believe there must be a disability at play) - I gave her directions to my house once and I kid you not - I said, "Take a left on Genesee Park Boulevard" and she was like, "ok...so I take a right on Genesee STreet?" WTF!?!

So she got totally lost - and apparently went up and down the street I live on knocking on EVERY door until she found mine...why she could walk up to people's houses and KNOCK _ but not walk up and look for numbers is beyond me

Ok - so anyway I'm done. I'm walking away.

oh, that's mean, but good lord....

[BTFLCHLD]

youre a real heartbreaker deanna...
cant you see she is in love w/you?