Daily Jokes

[HomerMcvie]

Originally Posted by vivfox

This is the best joke. The rest of them wouldn't make a 2nd grader laugh.

Thanks. And even though I'm a fairly funny guy, I can't tell a joke worth a damn! But that one always gets a laugh. Especially if I swing my arms in the air, while saying "I da ho! I da ho!!!"

[BTFLCHLD]

My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"
I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."
She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"
I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream whilst m a s t u r b a t i n g?"
_______________________________

What do you do if you come across a tiger in the Jungle?
Wipe it off and apologize.
_______________________________

As a young boy I was concerned with the Earth, how we were damaging it with pollution. I was worried for the welfare for all the endangered species, how we were eradicating whole species with every skyscraper we built or every gas-guzzling car that was made. I feared for poor, underprivileged children in far away countries that didn't have clean water and were dying of horrible diseases.
Then I discovered wanking.

[McTrouble]

Originally Posted by BTFLCHLD

My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"
I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."
She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"
I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream whilst m a s t u r b a t i n g?"
_______________________________

What do you do if you come across a tiger in the Jungle?
Wipe it off and apologize.
_______________________________

As a young boy I was concerned with the Earth, how we were damaging it with pollution. I was worried for the welfare for all the endangered species, how we were eradicating whole species with every skyscraper we built or every gas-guzzling car that was made. I feared for poor, underprivileged children in far away countries that didn't have clean water and were dying of horrible diseases.
Then I discovered wanking.

We were supposed to be keeping them relatively clean!!!!

[beccamorrisfift]

Originally Posted by BTFLCHLD

My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"
I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."
She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"
I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream whilst m a s t u r b a t i n g?"
_______________________________

What do you do if you come across a tiger in the Jungle?
Wipe it off and apologize.
_______________________________

As a young boy I was concerned with the Earth, how we were damaging it with pollution. I was worried for the welfare for all the endangered species, how we were eradicating whole species with every skyscraper we built or every gas-guzzling car that was made. I feared for poor, underprivileged children in far away countries that didn't have clean water and were dying of horrible diseases.
Then I discovered wanking.

I'm chuckling like a good'un at these!

[Dodfather]

A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

[McTrouble]

Groan......

[Silver Springs]

Three men walk into a bar. One of them does something stupid and it all unfolds into a tedious inevitability.

[McTrouble]

William Shakespeare walks into a pub.

Barman says "I'm not serving you, you're barred"

[gretchen]

Q: What do you call Irish outdoor seating?

A: Pati O'Furniture

omg total corn

---------

Q: What do you call a tiny motorist?

A: Minnie Driver

[vivfox]

A blond was driving down the freeway searching for the amusement park. She saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left," and so she went home.

[PenguinHead]

Originally Posted by vivfox

A blond was driving down the freeway searching for the amusement park. She saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left," and so she went home.

Classic!

[cratesok6]

A blonde is having problems with her BMW. So she takes to a mechanic.
The mechanic takes a look at it and says "I see the problem-just crap in the carburator".
The blonde says "How often do I have to do that"?!

[vivfox]

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a big pile of leaves with the wind blowing?







Russel

[McTrouble]

What do you call a guy with a spade on his head?

Doug!




What do you call a guy without a spade on his head?

Douglas!

[McTrouble]

What do you call a guy with a seagull on his head?

Cliff!