Cheating

[seeker007nmss]

Originally Posted by Lux

No f*cking way! You have to stay out of their business. I hate it when people only see the stigma of 'cheating'. There's so much personal circumstance involved and it's not always the great demon, sometimes but not always. The information is not your property to pass on because you think it's 'wrong'. To take it as a universal crime, like information you have the right to pass on to those involved, in my view that would be incredibly nosey and pathetic. It's almost like abortion, placing your morals on those you are actually living through it, you might think it's wrong but it's not your body so stay out of it. Yeah, I strongly think you don't tell in that case.

How do you really feel? Stop candy coating it.

[SteveMacD]

I say mind your own business on this one. However, there's nothing that says an anonymous envelope with revealing pictures couldn't magically appear in the cheated on one's mailbox.

[amber]

Originally Posted by SteveMacD

I say mind your own business on this one. However, there's nothing that says an anonymous envelope with revealing pictures couldn't magically appear in the cheated on one's mailbox.

*snicker*
Is it wrong that this made me giggle my bun off? I would never do that, though. Lest it be done to me when I am cheating! I'm kidding, I'm kidding....

[paleshadow]

Originally Posted by SteveMacD

I say mind your own business on this one. However, there's nothing that says an anonymous envelope with revealing pictures couldn't magically appear in the cheated on one's mailbox.

Or submit their case to Cheaters the tv show! Has anyone ever seen that! It's awful! It's a show where detectives secretly follow around a suspected cheater and then show the video footage to the person being cheated on. It all ends up with a big confrontation with all three people and the camera crew!

[DrummerDeanna]

Though I HATE HATE HATE the concept of cheating on one's spouse - I'm going with th concensus on this one - probably best not to tell

I have a friend who's having an affair with a married woman - like my friend's a lesbian and having an affair with some man's wife. She been to their house for dinner -on family outings etc...this poor man is being made a complete fool of in front of his face and in his own home and he's clueless..

BUT I've kept silent because I really dont' know the guy and I don't know the chippy who's cheating...

I just pretty much give NO sympathy to my friend when she complains about things in their relationship...

[amber]

Originally Posted by paleshadow

Or submit their case to Cheaters the tv show! Has anyone ever seen that! It's awful! It's a show where detectives secretly follow around a suspected cheater and then show the video footage to the person being cheated on. It all ends up with a big confrontation with all three people and the camera crew!

Oh, man, that show is so ghetto bad...

[paleshadow]

Originally Posted by DrummerDeanna

Though I HATE HATE HATE the concept of cheating on one's spouse - I'm going with th concensus on this one - probably best not to tell

I have a friend who's having an affair with a married woman - like my friend's a lesbian and having an affair with some man's wife. She been to their house for dinner -on family outings etc...this poor man is being made a complete fool of in front of his face and in his own home and he's clueless..

BUT I've kept silent because I really dont' know the guy and I don't know the chippy who's cheating...

I just pretty much give NO sympathy to my friend when she complains about things in their relationship...

Yeah, it's been a struggle. I already had decided not to say anything, but I was just curious what other people thought about it. This is the second time my friend has strayed.
The first time was with a mutual co-worker. It was funny too because a mutual friend had thought he and I were a gay couple, and asked him once if we had broken up because she hadn't seen us together in a while. So he told me about it, and I went up to her and made a joke about he and I breaking up. Then I laughed and said that his wife would be upset if she found out. Well, the girls face got pasty white, and it turned out he was trying to hook up with her friend. So I asked her to please not tell the friend, and she said she wouldn't, but the next day the **** hit the fan. He told the girl he was trying to fool around with that I made the story up because I didn't like her, and that he wasn't married. He called me that morning and said "I hope you'll still talk to me after today" and then when I got to work, the girls friend paged me and told me everything. The funny thing is that after she found out he was married they stared screwing! He kept telling me they were just friends, but people saw them all over town making out in parking lots and at gas stations.
Well, finally once it ended he told me about it, and said that he loved his wife, but basically that this was just sex, and any man would do it if given the chance, but that he changed his ways.

So anyway, flash forward 2 years, his wife just had their second child, a baby girl, and I run into someone I used to work with who has a friend he's trying to get with. The story now is that he's divorced and has one kid.

The whole Scott Peterson thing kept popping up in my head, and Lori Hacking. While there is a part of me that feels like his wife should know, I agree with what Lux said in a way, that there could be a lot more to the story. His wife could be cheating, or an awful person, so that's why I decided not to say anything. I just ended the friendship though, and I hope that things turn out for the best with everyone. I'm going with karma on this one!

[wondergirl9847]

Love that dang show! Hee!!

Don't tell...stay out of it. My mom went to my aunt when she found out my uncle was cheating and the sh*t did hit the fan! She has hated my mom ever since. My uncle is dead now, but his relationship with my mom was pretty much nil after that.

They will find out eventually.

[DrummerDeanna]

Originally Posted by paleshadow

Yeah, it's been a struggle. I already had decided not to say anything, but I was just curious what other people thought about it. This is the second time my friend has strayed.
The first time was with a mutual co-worker. It was funny too because a mutual friend had thought he and I were a gay couple, and asked him once if we had broken up because she hadn't seen us together in a while. So he told me about it, and I went up to her and made a joke about he and I breaking up. Then I laughed and said that his wife would be upset if she found out. Well, the girls face got pasty white, and it turned out he was trying to hook up with her friend. So I asked her to please not tell the friend, and she said she wouldn't, but the next day the **** hit the fan. He told the girl he was trying to fool around with that I made the story up because I didn't like her, and that he wasn't married. He called me that morning and said "I hope you'll still talk to me after today" and then when I got to work, the girls friend paged me and told me everything. The funny thing is that after she found out he was married they stared screwing! He kept telling me they were just friends, but people saw them all over town making out in parking lots and at gas stations.
Well, finally once it ended he told me about it, and said that he loved his wife, but basically that this was just sex, and any man would do it if given the chance, but that he changed his ways.

So anyway, flash forward 2 years, his wife just had their second child, a baby girl, and I run into someone I used to work with who has a friend he's trying to get with. The story now is that he's divorced and has one kid.

The whole Scott Peterson thing kept popping up in my head, and Lori Hacking. While there is a part of me that feels like his wife should know, I agree with what Lux said in a way, that there could be a lot more to the story. His wife could be cheating, or an awful person, so that's why I decided not to say anything. I just ended the friendship though, and I hope that things turn out for the best with everyone. I'm going with karma on this one!

Holy Damn.

And people wonder why I have trust issues

I've been cheated on - but have never cheated - it's just never been something I've wanted to do....

SO yeah - more and more lately I'm wondering if anyone is faithful anymore- this stuff just depresses me...

[paleshadow]

Originally Posted by DrummerDeanna

Holy Damn.

And people wonder why I have trust issues

I've been cheated on - but have never cheated - it's just never been something I've wanted to do....

SO yeah - more and more lately I'm wondering if anyone is faithful anymore- this stuff just depresses me...

That's why I'm single! That and my third nipple.

[dissention]

Originally Posted by seeker007nmss

Unless you want to anonimously tell them both, and then sit back and watch! That would be evil....

I'm a bitch, but I'm not heartless.

[paleshadow]

Originally Posted by Lux

Some things can look really messy and riddled with guilt from the outside but still, you can't always assume the heinous nature of the cheater. Some family friends got divorced because he was cheating and my mother being the straight-laced person she is, told me that he was basically an arsehole. But I had to question her because although he was cheating, he supported his wife and three children through their whole marriage so that she could spend every waking hour studying and basically ignoring him. I would almost call her selfish and she certainly wasn't making his life fulfilling but if he separated from her he'd see his kids every second weekend or something. He didn't want to be separated from them but was unhappy and is still human so he cheated for many years. I think there's too much grey area to accuse the cheater of evil automatically and that's why I don't think it's anyone's right to take that information as their own.

Yeah, this guy has issues because his dad walked out when he was an infant.
I've suggested to him that maybe that's why he stays in the marriage, because he doesn't want to be like his father. Who knows why people do what they do. His wife; however worked through her first pregnancy and got her masters degree in child psychology and still had time to cook him dinner to bring to work. Is he evil? Maybe not, but not a prize winner either.

[GardenStateGirlie]

As much as I always profess that it's best to be honest with someone--and I am extremely honest at times--I'm not sure that i'd want someone to tell me nor would I want to be the one to tell. First off, it ruins the relationship between you and the person who's being cheated on. Not to mention, when your heart is involved, you're blinded. The person might not believe you to begin with and call you a liar. Meanwhile, the cheater is still cheating and the person being cheated on, although suspicious for a while, will more than likely have their fears eased with a pack of lies told by the cheater. In the end, the truth more than likely will prevail so as ****ty as it sounds, it's best not to get involved and let it be dealt with in its own time in it's own way.

Back when I was in high school, two of my teachers (one of whom I was friendly with) were having an affair. The female teacher was recently divorced and the male teacher, on his third marriage, had a wife and three children. Word got around big time (can't say any of us helped that situation--especially when it would happen IN school) and her reputation was totally tarnished (and she hadn't been working there very long). I'm still not sure whether or not his wife found out but good God, EVERYONE knew from the students to their coworkers and the administration--people that knew his wife. I felt bad for her. The year after I graduated, I saw them all in the mall together--he and his wife, arm and arm pushing their daughter in a stroller.

[lagringader&r]

My vote is don't tell, especially if you don't know the person you're telling that well. In my opinion, there's already something wrong with the relationship if there's cheating going on. Fortunately, I haven't had to deal with that yet so I can't speak from personal experience, but one of my closest male friends is the concierge at a very nice LA hotel and the stories he tells me are Obviously some of the clients who register or "keep" women there, celebrities included, are married men because they register under a different name and usually pay with cash. I always feel really bad for the wives. But his job requires him to be discreet and I think the same rule applies to someone you know as a friend or an acquaintance. If you don't know all the facts about the relationship, it's better to leave it alone I think.

[Johnny Stew]

Originally Posted by GardenStateGirlie

As much as I always profess that it's best to be honest with someone--and I am extremely honest at times--I'm not sure that i'd want someone to tell me nor would I want to be the one to tell.

If I were being cheated on, I would most definitely want to be told.
I won't put up with infidelity. I can do MUCH better than someone who cheats on me, and would rather be single than dating a cheater.

As for telling someone else... well, that depends on the nature of your relationship. I'd tell my best friend if she had spinach between her teeth or had her skirt tucked into her pantyhose... so why wouldn't I tell her if her boyfriend/husband/whatever is running around with someone else? She deserves to know, before everyone else does.

But if I didn't know the person being cheated on very well, then I would mind my own business.