Graduation Speech

[cristochango]

Hey guys!

I was actually nominated as one of the students who should speak at my graduation. Out of my class of 600 kids, they chose 10- and we all have to write our own speeches and audition for it.

I have written what I think is a legitimate attempt at a first draft, but I was wondering if anyone may be interested in looking it over and offering me some feedback?

Thanks guys

[caroline79]

Wow , congrats! I hope you get it! I would love to hear your first draft

[WildHearted]

That's so awesome! Being a senior myself this year, I would totally love to read your first draft

[vivfox]

Send me a copy Chris.

[daniellaaarisen]

Chris, I'll definitely look it over! I'm a bit obsessed with editing so send it on over if you'd like.

[fumidesigns]

that's awesome Chris! sending luv your way so you get picked!!!!

[cristochango]

Okay, here's the first draft. Sans me going through and nit picking it yet. I have over a week to finish it. Be harsh. I need it



Good Afternoon Parents, Teachers, Administration, and today, the graduates of [my] High School.

Four years ago, all of us sat together, much like we do today. We were thrown together in a crowded auditorium for an orientation. We were freshmen at the bottom of the food chain. We knew nothing and harbored nothing but limitless potential. We were in a new school, we had new teachers, and we formed new friendships. Four years ago we sat together, dreaming of the clean slate freshmen year would inevitably provide us.

After that first year, we experienced our Sophomore year. Beneath us was a new class of freshmen, a class that looked up to us – for we seemingly understood the ways of high school, we thought we were invincible. While in this year some of us began to excel academically, others began to discover their true talents, unlocking the potential of their future. Three years ago, we were only just beginning to see the edge of our dreams.

Along came Junior Year – a not too distant memory. Administration, teachers, and even our parents began to flood our minds with the limitless possibilities accessible to us after high school. College, Military, Work - the options seemed unbounded. At the end of this year, many of us began to finalize our plans post graduation; this was the year of hard work, this was a year of preparation.

However hard it may have been, the effort has since paid off. Today marks the end of Senior year. Today, all of us sit together – having completed a journey. Over the past four years we have not only spent the happy moments together, but the heartbreaking ones as well. Over the past four years we have all watched one another rise to attain our greatest dreams, or have helped a fellow classmate in an unsuccessful attempt to do so. Seniors, we have finally done it! This is the moment all of us have been dreaming of since first stepping foot on the [my schools] Campus! Graduation - Our collective dream for the past four years. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” Seniors, We have all believed in the beauty of achieving our graduation and are just now on the edge our futures. Our potential is limitless, our success inevitable. We have spent the past four years dreaming of greatness – and have finally achieved it, graduation. Seniors, never stop dreaming. For those who dream, success is unavoidable. Congrats guys! We did it!

[Musicman408]

Congrats dude!! Let us know how it goes!!

[cristochango]

I just finished the final draft if anyone wants to look it over. I present it tomorrow

[vivfox]

Originally Posted by cristochango

I just finished the final draft if anyone wants to look it over. I present it tomorrow

send in the clowns

How come you haven't responded to my changes I made from your speech?

[sara1998]

I think it sounds wonderful! Congratulations! And good luck tomorrow.

My oldest daughter graduates next Friday. She's scared to death! haha!

[SuzeQuze]

Originally Posted by cristochango

I just finished the final draft if anyone wants to look it over. I present it tomorrow

I shoot, sorry I didn't get to chime in earlier. I am probably too late but here's my $.02. I would take out the phrase about watching people be unsuccessful, "or have helped a fellow classmate in an unsuccessful attempt to do so". Perhaps change it to "or encouraging those who think they've 'failed' to never stop reaching". Or something to that effect if it's true. Otherwise I would just cut it.

Congratulations on your accomplishment and the honor of being chosen to speak!

[vivfox]

Originally Posted by SuzeQuze

I shoot, sorry I didn't get to chime in earlier. I am probably too late but here's my $.02. I would take out the phrase about watching people be unsuccessful, "or have helped a fellow classmate in an unsuccessful attempt to do so". Perhaps change it to "or encouraging those who think they've 'failed' to never stop reaching". Or something to that effect if it's true. Otherwise I would just cut it.

This is the same advice I gave him.

[SuzeQuze]

Originally Posted by vivfox

This is the same advice I gave him.

You ah wicked smaht!