TMI thread. Discussion of sensitive ADULT issues/triggers. Enter with awareness!

[fumidesigns]

Originally Posted by McTrouble

Just tell yourself that this time next week it will be over and done with (or nearly?), and you can be very proud of yourself that you put your little boy first so he can see his Grandma.

Yeah!!!! The glass is half full!!!! Lol!!!

[HomerMcvie]

Originally Posted by Dodfather

My parents are fine. In fact I'm in the incredibly forunate position that they have been cosistently supportive and, in particular, I have repect for my dad both as a parent and man.

My brother however, is somehow a complete f!*^ up. Three years older than me and from age 15 onwwards he's done the usual: drugs, stealing from everyone, moving in and out of home and having to get consistently bailed out, resenting me for being the "favourite" even though we were each given exactly the same chances. Ther difference is I took mine and he p****d his away.

Recently he's been homeless, penniless and got back in touch with me after a year of ignoring me. I was genuinely concerned about him and trying to get in touch but he wasn;t contacting me, or our parents, and when he finally did show up he laughed, called me a drama queen and threw my concern right back in my face - while asking for somewhere to stay (in my tiny flat) and money. No. I'm done. That may sound petty but it was the straw that broke me after years of constant crao from him.

Alan, our families sound much alike.
My family GETS ALONG. We don't fight. We rarely argue. We get together nearly every single holiday of the year. I eagerly look forward to seeing them all, this Sunday.

But yeah, I've got a cousin(who might as well be my brother, we were inseparable, growing up - and still inseparable, until I broke contact, 21 months ago), who's a complete fukc up. Just a terrible alcoholic. He knows it, and doesn't care that it's ruined his life. He has no life. He has a son, who's probably 15 now, and I think he's seen him once in the past 8-9 years(of course the mother has enough sense to not allow it). He's worked construction, and as a mechanic. He can pretty much do anything blue collar. Instead, he opts for "helping out" on a farm. They give him VERY little money. They do give him an old camper to live in(complete with an outhouse- no running water), and they buy him 12-15 beers a day. And that's all he wants! He could easily make 20-30K a year, but he'd rather just accept(good lord, I doubt he gets 3K a year) doing a little bit of work every day(feeding some cows and what not), and they get him drunk as payment. How sad is that?
I love him, but it was just dragging me down(I'd go pick him up every Sunday, and he'd come down and stay with me, a couple of days a week). He has a TERRIBLE temper, which he never took out on me, until the last month or so that we hung out. Once he started taking it out on me, throwing tantrums, and screaming at me, I.was.done. He knows that I love him, but I'm not going through that.

[markolas]

Something that's really frustrating is the fact that people who come from relatively functional families tend to not be able to understand people who have had to stop contact with their own family members. It's something I don't like to talk about too much, because I open myself up to comments about blood being thicker than water, and how could I not want to communicate with them, maybe if I just tried harder we could all get along, can't I just overlook it, "but it's your faaaaaamily," etc.

None of that is possible. My mother, especially, is truly incapable of genuine emotion that does not have the manipulation of another person as its ultimate goal. She can say all the right things, but it's simply talk. She lies about everything and constantly seeks attention (whether it's good or bad attention makes no difference). You cannot have a real conversation with her - anything she says is just smoke & mirrors designed to put attention back on herself.

You can't "overlook" the things she does, because as much as you try to stay out of it, she will find a way to suck you into the drama. My mother does not know what to do with herself without some kind of drama going on. If there isn't any drama going on, she'll create some. Literally everything she says or does is an attempt to get someone to pay some kind of attention to her, good or bad. There comes a point where you just can't deal with it anymore because it keeps you from living your own life.

[fumidesigns]

Originally Posted by markolas

Something that's really frustrating is the fact that people who come from relatively functional families tend to not be able to understand people who have had to stop contact with their own family members. It's something I don't like to talk about too much, because I open myself up to comments about blood being thicker than water, and how could I not want to communicate with them, maybe if I just tried harder we could all get along, can't I just overlook it, "but it's your faaaaaamily," etc.

None of that is possible. My mother, especially, is truly incapable of genuine emotion that does not have the manipulation of another person as its ultimate goal. She can say all the right things, but it's simply talk. She lies about everything and constantly seeks attention (whether it's good or bad attention makes no difference). You cannot have a real conversation with her - anything she says is just smoke & mirrors designed to put attention back on herself.

You can't "overlook" the things she does, because as much as you try to stay out of it, she will find a way to suck you into the drama. My mother does not know what to do with herself without some kind of drama going on. If there isn't any drama going on, she'll create some. Literally everything she says or does is an attempt to get someone to pay some kind of attention to her, good or bad. There comes a point where you just can't deal with it anymore because it keeps you from living your own life.

i hate when ppl say this! family will screw you over faster than any ol person on the street imo!

Markolas i totally feel you! when "parents" learn that when you have children the world no longer revolves around you, the world will be a better place!

[louielouie2000]

Originally Posted by markolas

Something that's really frustrating is the fact that people who come from relatively functional families tend to not be able to understand people who have had to stop contact with their own family members. It's something I don't like to talk about too much, because I open myself up to comments about blood being thicker than water, and how could I not want to communicate with them, maybe if I just tried harder we could all get along, can't I just overlook it, "but it's your faaaaaamily," etc.

None of that is possible. My mother, especially, is truly incapable of genuine emotion that does not have the manipulation of another person as its ultimate goal. She can say all the right things, but it's simply talk. She lies about everything and constantly seeks attention (whether it's good or bad attention makes no difference). You cannot have a real conversation with her - anything she says is just smoke & mirrors designed to put attention back on herself.

You can't "overlook" the things she does, because as much as you try to stay out of it, she will find a way to suck you into the drama. My mother does not know what to do with herself without some kind of drama going on. If there isn't any drama going on, she'll create some. Literally everything she says or does is an attempt to get someone to pay some kind of attention to her, good or bad. There comes a point where you just can't deal with it anymore because it keeps you from living your own life.

We really do seem to have the same Mother. The reason I didn't speak with mine for about a year was because of her manipulation and control issues. She has always guilted me my whole life, tried to control me, manipulate my thoughts and feelings, etc. The straw that broke the camel's back was when she started accusing me of all sorts of horrific things because I wouldn't go visit my family when my violent addict brother was living there. There is a line in the sand with me, and you have to travel many miles to cross it. But when it's crossed, there is no going back. I hate to say this, but my brother is completely dead to me. My Mother's pretty darn close, too. Thankfully having 1,200+ miles between us has really redrawn our boundaries. She can't throw fits and start hurling accusations and threats for me to come visit or do her will, and she doesn't call very much either due to the time difference and my very clear message that the BS is O-V-E-R.

And boy do I know what you mean regarding people who have functioning families judging you for not being willing to tolerate your own family. I got that soooo much in the Carolinas. I was downright curt with people when they tried to go down that road with me. My relationship with my family is no one else's business. But Carolina people sure think EVERYTHING is their business, and they have a God given right to interject their values and judgment into your life whether you welcome it or not.

[ryguy2010]

It's such a shame hearing all of these sad accounts of peoples family problems and the permanent scars that go along with them. Fortunately for me I have a wonderful Mom. Well my dad is a completely different story. Because I was different from my other 3 brothers he despised me growing up. he is a bad alcoholic and occasionally when my mom was gone at work he would wake me up when I was little and whip me in the face with his belt. One time it was so bad he slammed me repeatedly against the window ledge. My brother called the cops and he was jailed for 1 night. he used to beat my mom too and she would round us up and we would hide in the closet from him and pray for hours for him to pass out.he has tamed with age and I forgave him until he called me a fagot. Also I can relate to Louie b/c when my dad would lose at gambling at the track on the way home he would turn the car around on the freeway and tried to throw my mom out of car. My brothers and I would put a nail in our walkie talkie when would go out and play.. and if my dad would start attacking my mom we would create a diversion and taunt him so he would chase after us.
But we just move on and get stronger I believe. My life gets better everyday.

[mezzoforte]

Whoa, can't believe I almost missed all of this. I only peer in on TMI occasionally, and when the convo turns towards bowel movements it always scares me off for a good long stretch Very interesting stories, Mark and Louie.

My cousin suffered from BPD until she passed away just over a year ago at 30, leaving her 3-year-old an orphan. It was terrible for all involved, but after hearing from my cousin's mom and sisters about the conditions she'd been raising her daughter in, I think her daughter is better off (now cared for by my aunt). Not saying that people with BPD aren't ever fit to be parents--I'm obviously in no position to make that call, and some can control it better than others--but my hat is off to anyone who's made it through that family situation.
My great-grandmother (still kicking at 97) is schizophrenic (we think, never diagnosed), and did such a number on my grandmother that the damage trickled down to my mom.

I completely agree with Mark's point about how presumptive it is for anyone to criticize someone for cutting off their family ("blood's thicker than water"). I've been talking about this a lot with my mom since her brother passed (her relationship to him and their parents has long been strained, to put it mildly).
Everyone wants to be able to draw love and support from their parents, but that isn't always an option. It's a horrible shame that not everyone can love their families, but it shouldn't be regarded as a failure. It's such a mistake for anyone to think they can see into another family--you just never know what's under the surface.

[mylittledemon]

Originally Posted by mezzoforte

Whoa, can't believe I almost missed all of this. I only peer in on TMI occasionally, and when the convo turns to bowel movements it always acres me off for a good long stretch

You mean to tell me people were discussing floaters and I missed it?!

[markolas]

Since nobody asked, I'll tell y'all anyway. One of my favorite lines from a porn:

"I want you to park your little fart box right on my soup cooler."

This from the same one that included (rather bizarrely) a discussion about accepting Jesus as your personal savior at the end.

[mylittledemon]

Originally Posted by markolas

"I want you to park your little fart box right on my soup cooler."

I had to read this twice... then a 3rd time, & slowly, before I got it.

[Dodfather]

Originally Posted by markolas

"I want you to park your little fart box right on my soup cooler."

Originally Posted by mylittledemon

I had to read this twice... then a 3rd time, & slowly, before I got it.

Yeah - it took me a minute too! What kind of a line is that?? Haha!

[mylittledemon]

Originally Posted by Dodfather

Yeah - it took me a minute too! What kind of a line is that?? Haha!

It's a classy one, that's for sure.

You know... in regards to the previous posts about "parental problems"... My mother was a wonderful mother when I was younger. Something happened when my parents divorced and either she changed, or I did.... or we all did... and I realized she's just a f*cked up human being like the rest of us. I had to pull her down off that pedestal I had her on. Sadly our relationship hasn't recovered and there's been a relative awkwardness for the past 12 years. At the end of it all though, I woke up one day and realized I had to stop blaming her for all of life's disappointments.

[Dodfather]

Originally Posted by markolas

"I want you to park your little fart box right on my soup cooler."

Originally Posted by Dodfather

What kind of a line is that?? Haha!

Originally Posted by mylittledemon

It's a classy one, that's for sure.

Ok - new discussion topic... worst/best porno lines you've heard... or had someone say to you at a crucial moment??

[mylittledemon]

my friend Adam was trying to shag this girl named Debbie. She was super cool and we all dug her. Anyway... a few weeks went by and I saw Deb at school and I said, "Hey Adam, did you two ever uhhh...?" And Adam went pale. He goes "yeah man, she's nuts! She was at my place and I kid you not, she goes - F*CK ME NOW in this demonic scary man-voice." I then laughed for about 5 minutes and Adam goes ... "I almost asked her... Are you the GateKeeper?" ROFL! So for the next year or so whenever we'd see Deb, I'd look at Adam and go "There is no Debbie, only Zuul!"

[mylittledemon]

ROFL!!!!