TMI thread. Discussion of sensitive ADULT issues/triggers. Enter with awareness!

[CreepingDeath]

Originally Posted by desertangel

Today was the last straw for a half century of family drama. I'm done. I'm out. Not taking it any more. The End. I'm filing for divorce from my whole entire family. I will be an orphan, I don't care. I'll be better off. It's too bad I wasn't strong enough to bow out a very long time ago. God only knows where I would be today if I hadn't had all that baggage to lug around. I would probably be a high paid architect like I wanted to be, but never got the support to do. Instead, I was made to take typing and shorthand. OMFG.

GOOD BYE AND GOOD RIDDANCE YOU MEALY MOUTHED P.O.S.

FIND SOME OTHER STUPID SLOB TO TAKE YOUR B.S. OUT ON.


celebrate... celebrate... dance to the music!!!

That's brilliant. My step-father is leaving the country in two weeks (he'll be gone at least a year)s and I can't wait. I can already feel a heaviness lifting within my entire family. Good fukcing riddance.

[fumidesigns]

i have to meet a client at the fabric store today. *deep sigh* so much for relaxing on a sunday........................BUT on the flip side, i'll have some extra money for our Webster Hall day! yay!

[desertangel]

Originally Posted by louielouie2000

Oh boy, do I know how you feel! I just put a time zone in between my parents, brother, and I... and I feel like I'm 400 pounds lighter! Preceding that, I didn't speak to my family for about 8 months... which was unheard of for me. I spoke to my Mother nearly daily before the straw broke the camel's back. My immediate family is just toxically dysfunctional. They don't even have any interest in trying to be decent, drama free people. All they want to be is miserable, and rope everyone into their suffering.

Interestingly enough, I wanted to be an architect too... but my family also belittled me and shot me down so I wouldn't do it. I still regret to this day caving into them because of that.

Anyway, good for you! I always love reading about people who become self empowered and make big changes in their lives for the better!

Hey Louie, Thanks for sharing. I used to talk with my mother frequently too, for all the right co-dependant reasons. I feel 400 pounds light too, particularly after spending the day de-stressing yesterday. I'm thinking about moving too, that way they won't know where I live and won't be able to leave nasty notes on my doorstep like they've done in the past when I tried to cut them off. Funny that you wanted to be an architect too. That must have intimidated the heck out of them. I still regret caving on that one too. Although I've done the best I could with my life despite everything. I hope you have too! Here's a {{{{hug}}}} for you my friend.
Laura

[desertangel]

Originally Posted by CreepingDeath

That's brilliant. My step-father is leaving the country in two weeks (he'll be gone at least a year)s and I can't wait. I can already feel a heaviness lifting within my entire family. Good fukcing riddance.

LOL... people who suck energy out of the room, HATE it! Maybe your step-father will find a reason to stay out of the country.

[markolas]

Originally Posted by desertangel

Today was the last straw for a half century of family drama. I'm done. I'm out. Not taking it any more. The End. I'm filing for divorce from my whole entire family. I will be an orphan, I don't care. I'll be better off. It's too bad I wasn't strong enough to bow out a very long time ago. God only knows where I would be today if I hadn't had all that baggage to lug around. I would probably be a high paid architect like I wanted to be, but never got the support to do. Instead, I was made to take typing and shorthand. OMFG.

Originally Posted by louielouie2000

Oh boy, do I know how you feel! I just put a time zone in between my parents, brother, and I... and I feel like I'm 400 pounds lighter! Preceding that, I didn't speak to my family for about 8 months... which was unheard of for me. I spoke to my Mother nearly daily before the straw broke the camel's back. My immediate family is just toxically dysfunctional. They don't even have any interest in trying to be decent, drama free people. All they want to be is miserable, and rope everyone into their suffering.

I haven't spoken to anyone in my family, except one aunt, in over 3 years; haven't seen any of them in over 5 years. "Toxically dysfunctional" is a good way to describe them. A couple of years ago, my younger brother's girlfriend found me on FB and told me that my mother has been on methadone for the last 15 years - apparently to treat an addiction to prescription drugs (there's a long history of alcoholism and prescription drug abuse in my mother's family).

Apparently, the only people who know about this are her, my younger brother, and now me. My mother has kept it a secret from everyone.

It doesn't appear that her treatment is being monitored very well; according to brother's (now ex) girlfriend, it's made her forgetful and paranoid. She forgets that she's taken it, and thinks that someone has stolen it, so my brother bought her a safe to put it in.

Oh, and here's how the girlfriend found out about it:

GF is at my mom's house, and tells my mom about her toothache. Mom says "Wait just a minute, I'll get you something for the pain." And comes out with a cup of liquid methadone. So evidently, she's getting enough of it to keep in a safe and dole out to other people.

The whole thing is so bizarre, and I'd think the GF was lying, but it makes too much sense out of too many things. I'd suspected for a long time that my mother was on something (she's been in a couple of suspicious car accidents, and accidentally set fire to the house a couple of times - the last time, it burned to the ground). According to GF, she lays in bed all day, chain-smoking and eating Hershey's kisses.

Don't even get me started on my brothers - either one of them. Or my older brother's harpy of a wife.

[markolas]

Oh, and I forgot to mention -

I was seeing a therapist for a while, and the first words out of her mouth after I told her about my mother, was to ask if I'd ever done any reading about adult children of parents with Borderline Personality Disorder.

[louielouie2000]

Originally Posted by markolas

I haven't spoken to anyone in my family, except one aunt, in over 3 years; haven't seen any of them in over 5 years. "Toxically dysfunctional" is a good way to describe them. A couple of years ago, my younger brother's girlfriend found me on FB and told me that my mother has been on methadone for the last 15 years - apparently to treat an addiction to prescription drugs (there's a long history of alcoholism and prescription drug abuse in my mother's family).

Apparently, the only people who know about this are her, my younger brother, and now me. My mother has kept it a secret from everyone.

It doesn't appear that her treatment is being monitored very well; according to brother's (now ex) girlfriend, it's made her forgetful and paranoid. She forgets that she's taken it, and thinks that someone has stolen it, so my brother bought her a safe to put it in.

Oh, and here's how the girlfriend found out about it:

GF is at my mom's house, and tells my mom about her toothache. Mom says "Wait just a minute, I'll get you something for the pain." And comes out with a cup of liquid methadone. So evidently, she's getting enough of it to keep in a safe and dole out to other people.

The whole thing is so bizarre, and I'd think the GF was lying, but it makes too much sense out of too many things. I'd suspected for a long time that my mother was on something (she's been in a couple of suspicious car accidents, and accidentally set fire to the house a couple of times - the last time, it burned to the ground). According to GF, she lays in bed all day, chain-smoking and eating Hershey's kisses.

Don't even get me started on my brothers - either one of them. Or my older brother's harpy of a wife.

Holy crap, do we have the same Mother?! My Mom is on all sorts of insane pain meds for her "back." She also gets stuff off the internet in addition to her doctors . She stays so zoned out that she tells me stories over and over (sometimes during the same phone call), etc.

My brother is a hardcore drug addict... has been in and out of rehab and jail since the age of 13. Mom is always accusing him of stealing her drugs and property too. Then she'll find what she was missing months and months later. It really wouldn't surprise me if she's on methadone herself. My Mother also has a safe to keep my brother out of her drugs and jewelry... but that doesn't stop her from losing sh!t. Then she calls me screaming and yelling and crying about it all constantly. Accusing me of anything she can think of (it makes her seething mad I stay firmly out of family matters and have lived a virtuous life). She guilts me constantly how I've essentially cut my brother out of my life, and how I won't visit them anymore. But I've seen my brother physically assault my parents while he's on crack, he's stolen from all of us for years (including my car... which he stole and wrecked), and he's just a thoroughly despicable person in all ways. And my Mom may be free of her coke habit finally (I think!), but she's definitely a prescription drug addict now.

And she wonders why I decided a while back I'd had enough, and put 1,230 miles between us?! I decided when I was a very small child that I was going to live a very happy, simple, drama free life. And I've tenaciously stuck to that. I have zero tolerance for my family's crap either. No thank you... I saw enough insanity when I was a small child to last me a lifetime.

[louielouie2000]

Originally Posted by markolas

Oh, and I forgot to mention -

I was seeing a therapist for a while, and the first words out of her mouth after I told her about my mother, was to ask if I'd ever done any reading about adult children of parents with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Omg... I just looked up info on Borderline Personality Disorder after you said this, and my Mother fits every single cause AND symptom to a freaking tee!

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001931/

So there's a reason why she's so psychotic!!

[markolas]

Geez, Louie.

We should get together and commiserate. My mother wasn't that bad growing up - although she did frequently leave us under the dubious care of our grandmother, who was generally too zonked out on Xanax, Vicodin, Soma, and Old Crow to provide any kind of meaningful supervision. Nana even took me "doctor shopping" with her on a couple of occasions.

My younger brother is a pothead, but as far as I'm aware, he's never done anything harder than that. My mother has him pretty well f*cked up. You can't believe a word that comes out of her mouth - she's all lies and emotional manipulation. The last five years that I haven't seen her have been the most stress-free of my life. It sounds like it's past time for you to cut your mom off.

[markolas]

Originally Posted by louielouie2000

Omg... I just looked up info on Borderline Personality Disorder after you said this, and my Mother fits every single cause AND symptom to a freaking tee!

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001931/

So there's a reason why she's so psychotic!!

Yeah. I can pretty much see what caused it in my mother. Her parents were both deadbeats (her parents divorced when she was a kid - her dad was an alcoholic and took off shortly after that; if she saw him more than a handful of times between the ages of 7 and 30, I'd be surprised). Her mother was more interested in drinking and running around with men than with raising kids, so she frequently left my mom & her sister in the care of my great-grandparents. And I strongly suspect that my mother was sexually abused as a child. So, yeah.

[louielouie2000]

^Wow... it seriously all just makes so much sense now! My Mother did indeed have a very disturbing childhood. She was 1 of 6 kids living in absolute poverty. She had an older brother with Down Syndrome who repeatedly sexually assaulted her. My Grandfather ruled the family with an iron fist, and he didn't believe her claims. My Grandmother died when Mom was in her teens, and she just wouldn't even listen to my Mom when she brought up the subject. Mom then married my biological Father very young, and he was physically and mentally abusive towards her (I remember him throwing her out of moving cars and down staircases when I was young). She was also a cokehead for much of her life, too. I mean, the woman's lead a hard life up until about 20 years ago. I give her that.

But she lives such an absurdly cushy life now, that it p!sses me off when she b!tches and moans. She lives in a big log cabin with an in ground pool and a boat on a gorgeous lake, and has a husband who is totally whipped. Even when her life is 100% stable and happy she's miserable, and lashes out at others viciously and incessantly.

I actually did cut my Mom and Brother out of my life fully for nearly a year. When I decided to move to Texas last year, I called her up and she came over and I laid down the law. I moved the next week. She's been instructed not to call me if she has anything nasty, or unproductive to say. And if she starts down that path while we're talking, I tell her I have to go and immediately get off the phone. She's pretty much behaved for the past year, and we speak very little these days. I just wish she'd get help... she CAN be such an incredibly thoughtful, kind, and generous person. But she can also be a complete raging psychopath. She's pretty much pushed everyone she knows out of her life, and anytime anyone suggests she seek psychiatric help, she completely melts down and goes off the deep end. She's a real piece of work, for sure!

[mylittledemon]

Sounds like my mom, Louie. What can you do? Love them from afar I suppose.

[Dodfather]

My parents are fine. In fact I'm in the incredibly forunate position that they have been cosistently supportive and, in particular, I have repect for my dad both as a parent and man.

My brother however, is somehow a complete f!*^ up. Three years older than me and from age 15 onwwards he's done the usual: drugs, stealing from everyone, moving in and out of home and having to get consistently bailed out, resenting me for being the "favourite" even though we were each given exactly the same chances. Ther difference is I took mine and he p****d his away.

Recently he's been homeless, penniless and got back in touch with me after a year of ignoring me. I was genuinely concerned about him and trying to get in touch but he wasn;t contacting me, or our parents, and when he finally did show up he laughed, called me a drama queen and threw my concern right back in my face - while asking for somewhere to stay (in my tiny flat) and money. No. I'm done. That may sound petty but it was the straw that broke me after years of constant crao from him.

[holidayroad]

I totally commiserate with everyone about their family issues. Right now, I'm a stressed out nervous wreck because my mother is visiting me later this week. It was a major relief the day that I moved over 400 miles away from her. I never know how she is going to be. She can go from fine to freaking out in seconds. If it wasn't for the fact that my son is her only grandchild, I would choose to have no visits with her whatsoever.

[McTrouble]

Originally Posted by holidayroad

I totally commiserate with everyone about their family issues. Right now, I'm a stressed out nervous wreck because my mother is visiting me later this week. It was a major relief the day that I moved over 400 miles away from her. I never know how she is going to be. She can go from fine to freaking out in seconds. If it wasn't for the fact that my son is her only grandchild, I would choose to have no visits with her whatsoever.

Just tell yourself that this time next week it will be over and done with (or nearly?), and you can be very proud of yourself that you put your little boy first so he can see his Grandma.