Facebook: The Pros and the Cons

[1sttimelongtime]

I love facebook, though I was extremely reluctant to join. I thought it was totally stupid. To avoid high school and college friends I have no interest in, I just put in a fake age (I think it says I am 70, or something) and my dog is my profile picture.

I like that fact that I can keep contact with friends I care about but dont talk to all that often, and know what is going on with them and how they're doing. Its turned aquaintances into better friends and it got me a nearly new free camera when I commented that I was in the market for a new one and a friend sent me one he just purchased but didnt really like!

I hid all the stupid crap and deleted some fools I made the mistake of friending. I'm glad I joined.

[jenniferuk]

Pro--I thought I was too old to FB but I love it! It's been helpful since we moved from London to the US--fun to see/share baby pics, updates with friends, former colleagues, etc without having to write or feel guilty for not writing. I like that my younger family members / children of friends have 'friended' me. As Jannie wrote, I like that I can keep information private.

Cons-can get out of control / easy to hit friend overload. There is some pressure to 'accept a friend request' even when you'd rather not bother to do so (some people are very sensitive to rejection and will resend the friend request). Lots of extraneous detail, although as written above it's possible to block mafia, farmville, etc updates. I block all that and keep a smallish group of friends so that I can keep up. I don't know how people juggle 1000 friends and all the updates.

We had an office firing recently--a professional individual had a bad day at work, vented publicly on FB, and violated a confidentiality clause. I am shocked at what some will post...

All-in-all I would reco FB--it's good fun once you get the privacy and hide settings adjusted.

[HomerMcvie]

Originally Posted by jenniferuk

There is some pressure to 'accept a friend request' even when you'd rather not bother to do so

Yes, I agree. I feel like I have to add everyone who asks. This guy, who I always considered a bully, asked me for an add yesterday. I reluctantly added him.

You know, I parted ways with many of these people, intentionally. Now I feel like I'm forced to communicate with them.

[ILoveFM]

I am too addicted to Facebook.

But a Pro to facebook is that I am able to keep in contact with old friends and new friends, and find friends and family that I don't see very often and have a way to communicate with them other than the phone.

A con is that it's a procrastnation tool for me not to do my homework. I literally spend too much time on the freakin' site.

I'm open to friending all ledgies though

[jannieC]

Originally Posted by HomerMcvie

Yes, I agree. I feel like I have to add everyone who asks. This guy, who I always considered a bully, asked me for an add yesterday. I reluctantly added him.

You know, I parted ways with many of these people, intentionally. Now I feel like I'm forced to communicate with them.

This is interesting to me because I love how I can be all passive and not respond to a friend request. I don't have to blatantly be dismissive or mean.

I was fortunate to have been able to enjoy my high school years, socially. I am a very nostalgic person by nature, so I'm cool with getting (briefly) in touch with pretty much anyone from my past.

Agree with everything everyone has said so far. I've come to the realization that FB is what you make of it. If you want to befriend everyone on the planet because you saw the same cloud in the sky on such and such day then that's your business. If you want to be private and just have your immediate and close circle of people on there, then that's fine too. I am of the latter pursuasion. However, there have been a few people that have slipped through the cracks over the past year that I should delete. But I feel bad and probably will leave them on there.

Here's a little gem of an awkward situation I found myself in very recently...

You meet someone on online personals. You exchange several emails and a few phone conversations. In one of the emails you are asked if you have FB. You figure, "oh no, this person is one of those that just friend requests random people." You don't address it because if you say yes then you may get a friend request and you feel it's kind of too soon to be a "friend" on there. No matter. Nothing gets brought up about it after. No harm done.

Several weeks after you go on first date. Everything's great on both ends. The next day, you get an actual friend request. You don't do anything because it's still too soon. You don't mention it because you're still mulling it over and think it's no big deal if you do or don't become "friends" on FB. You haven't communicated a whole lot since the date (maybe a week) because of busy schedules. You then notice friend request has been pulled after sitting idle for one week. You kind of feel bad because maybe you should've accepted and now they're offended that you didn't.

So you friend request them back. You realize you are trying to backpedal lol. It gets ignored (deleted) a day or two after. Now you realize the deep water you're in. You send email asking why ignore friend request after having a good time together and all that good stuff. Reply states that FB is personal info etc etc and they did have a good time with you and you're a great person etc etc.

Ok, now you are really confused. You think, didn't this person 1. ask you if you had FB first? and 2. friend request you first? You send follow up email stating those very facts and also your reasons for not accepting thei initial friend request. You make sure email is nice and tactful so other party cannot assign a "tone" You also make sure you are not accusing and blame it on some automated friend finder that is enabled on their end possibly. You have reread email many many times and believe it is a nice email.

And the days go by. Three to be exact. You are still awaiting reply. You don't want to assume anything because you know what happens blah blah blah. But you believe this is pretty much done and things weren't meant to be.

Thank you Facebook.

Thoughts, Comments, Concerns, Questions? Would anyone care for a mint?

[David]

Originally Posted by jenniferuk

Cons-can get out of control / easy to hit friend overload.

Some of those folks on there, I've noticed, have racked up 200 or more friends. What's that? A contest?

[David]

Originally Posted by HomerMcvie

Yes, I agree. I feel like I have to add everyone who asks. This guy, who I always considered a bully, asked me for an add yesterday. I reluctantly added him.

You know, I parted ways with many of these people, intentionally. Now I feel like I'm forced to communicate with them.

When you delete a friend on FB, does that person know? Is there some sort of message sent automatically?

Why not just accept friend requests from people you don't particularly like, & then if two or three weeks go by & you don't hear anything direct or personal from that "friend," go ahead & delete. If you're ever asked about it, your reply is, "When I didn't hear anything, I figured you either deleted or changed your account."

[Miss Vicky]

I was bullied into joining because all of my friends abandoned MySpace (which I was also bullied into joining). I mostly just use Facebook to play games and keep in touch with non-FM people, since I keep in contact with most of my Mac fan friends on the various boards.

I do kind of feel bad for my friends who don't play the games, since I'm sure their live feed is flooded with posts about people leveling up and stuff like lost critters that have wandered onto people's virtual farms.

[petep9000]

Originally Posted by David

Some of those folks on there, I've noticed, have racked up 200 or more friends. What's that? A contest?

the amazing thing I've found David, is that while in high school I could count probably half a dozen friends at the very most. 2o years later, I have about 50 FB friends who were in my graduating class. I wonder what makes me so friend-worthy now, and so icky then.

[chriskisn]

Actually there is one thing that really annoys me about facebook, when people send you random friend requests and you have no idea who they are. I run a couple of groups on facebook so sometimes people will send me a friend request but it really wouldn't hurt for them to say "Hey just joined the Rick Vito group and thought I'd add you as a friend" etc.

Same thing goes for Ledgies too, it doesn't hurt to say "Hey its XYZ from the Ledge". Otherwise I have to backtrack and find out what friends we have in common, etc.

Oh well that is my little rant...

[holidayroad]

Originally Posted by HomerMcvie

David, I avoided FB for the longest time, even though Michellebunchofnumbersaftername kept after me to join. My real fear was - all of my high school friends FINDING me. I really didn't want to BE found, to tell you the truth. I mean, I just didn't want to go back, if you know what I mean. Well, I added one friend from high school, three days ago, and the f*cking thing has snowballed! God, like 20 of them have found me now. So far, I guess it's okay, but the constant messages to me, is getting on my hermit nerves! As are the CONSTANT email notifications, that "someone has commented on someone else's picture". I mean, who gives a f*ck about that? I'm in the process of disabling the email notifications!

That's precisely why I don't want anything to do with Facebook. My husband signed up and has a ton of high school friends now wanting to 'friend' him. He's okay with that, but I wouldn't be. Like you, I want to leave those years way behind. I had a lot of people in school treat me like dirt and I don't need that in my life. I'm okay with who I am and I don't need others telling me that I'm not what they think I should be.

[jenniferuk]

Originally Posted by David

Some of those folks on there, I've noticed, have racked up 200 or more friends. What's that? A contest?

I think it is a bit of a popularity contest. I've friends who have hit the 1000 mark as the seem to friend everyone they meet. I've no idea how they can even begin to process so many updates.

I've got around 150 friends and that seems about perfect as half rarely post, another quarter post only once a month, and so the amount of 'regulars' is reasonable. I also limit the number of groups I join so that those updates are not overwhelming and I can focus on what's important to me (for example our city posts local updates, our local farmers market posts their weather related cancellations, etc).

I think the misnomer is the word "friend." For me, a friend is what you would consider a real life friend. "Friend" is old school now. Friend to me means you get together every so often or chat on the phone here and there etc. They know things about your personal life.

So, I tend to look at some of my friends on there as business contacts or mere acquaintances. I have refrained from posting updates or getting too in depth about anything personal in my life because I've let people in from all walks of life. There are certain things that I only feel comfortable sharing with my true circle of people and not with a former coworker that I spoke to on occasion about the weather.

[golddustdrummer]

Originally Posted by David

When you delete a friend on FB, does that person know? Is there some sort of message sent automatically?

Why not just accept friend requests from people you don't particularly like, & then if two or three weeks go by & you don't hear anything direct or personal from that "friend," go ahead & delete. If you're ever asked about it, your reply is, "When I didn't hear anything, I figured you either deleted or changed your account."

^ thats a good idea!
There is no message/notification sent that you deleted them.
There also isn't a notification that you ignored their friend request.