Gay dating

DavidMn · #1 12-26-2009, 01:25 AM

I've been inspired by some recent converstions with friends here and otherwise to broach this subject. I'm 38 now almost 39, not getting any younger and I would like to meet someone who can be someone I could spend the rest of my life with. Now a little about me. As I said, I'm 38, and in an honest appraisal of myself I will list what I consider my strangths and weaknesses. On the positive side, I've had many people tell me I have the most amazing personality they've ever met. I asked a friend who works with me at, and I'm not kidding, a grocery store here in Minneapolis called Rainbow foods, and she first of all told me "David you're not that bad looking really, but whatever lack of looks you have you more than make up with in your personality." I asked what she meant and she said "Well, you're very honest, very outgoing and there's not an ounceof bull**** in you." I was so flattered by that. TO back that up, One of my best friends, Matt, 25, has told me he has never met a gay man as loyal and decent as I am. Now Matt is not someone who in most circumstances would be caught dead around a guy like me. He's absolutely drop dead gorgeous, 6'3 about 16o pounds and I'm as tall as him however about 100 pounds or more heavier than him. I get alot of satifaction from that. He and I are totally incompatible as boyfriends but incredible friends. Now my negatives as I see them. I realize that I'm not the hottest things on 2 legs and as I said I am signifigantly overweight. I have lost weight this year, which is a plus, but I could stand to lose alot more. I have alot of problems related to depression, I.E the penchant for going off on people around me with little or no provocation, but 've been on meds for the last 7 months and therapy which have helped signifigantly in that area. So I have that under control. I have proven to myself that I can lose weight if I put my mind to it. I'm really trying to figure out where I fit in in this whole gay world. I really dont in a lot of ways, because in addition to Fleetwood Mac andmusic in general I am a HUGE sports, specifically baseball, fan. I cannot tell you how hard it is to find a gay guy that is even tolerant, let alone is as into sports as I am.

Also my passion for Fleetwood Mac and the amount of traveling I do to see them makes it really hard to sustain a realtionship. I really understand where Stevie is coming from when she says men wont put up with her schedule because she's never there for them always either recording or touring, not that I do any of that

but I get what shes saying in the sense of developing a relationship. My ex Derek would always get upset and say "You love them more than me!" I told him and I will tell every other boyfriend I ever have that I dont expect you to feel the same way I do about Fleetwood Mac, but you will at nleast tolerate how I fell about them or we can end this relationship right now. I dont compromise on that, because I feel that is a part of who I am and I will not sacrifice that for anyone. Anyway, I know this has been sort of a rambling post, but like I said I'm trying tyo figure this whole thing out, while remaining true to myself, and believe me that's not easy.

Thanks for listening everyone, and any ideas/thoughts would be appreciated.

louielouie2000 · #2 12-26-2009, 01:51 AM

I encountered a couple of boyfriends who had a problem with me spending so much time and money on my DeLorean. I reminded them curtly that the car came before they did... and the car would probably be around long after they're gone.

Some liked to make fun of my beloved Stevie too... but they usually liked Mariah Carey, Tori Amos, or other such abominations... so that didn't bother me!

Something I've found in dating is that you don't necessarily have to find somebody who shares your interests at all. You do however, have to find somebody who respects them. While not really caring one way or another about DeLoreans or Fleetwood Mac, my "husband" Jimmy LOVES my passion for both. There seems to be a great amount of gay men who just don't really care for much of anything, but themselves. But that could probably be said about straight dating too. People are inherently self-oriented. I used to search far and wide for someone who shared my interests and passions. I felt it was essential, because without that... another person couldn't possibly "get" me. The one person I dated who shared all of my interests turned out to be the worst person I've ever encountered, and I'm still undoing the damage he did to me.

Interestingly enough, my "husband" Jimmy and I are nearly complete opposites. I'm low key, calm, laid back, and enjoy quiet... he's hyper, loud, and passionate

. We balance each other out... and any weakness the other has, it's the other's strength. These big differences would cause some couples to fight... but the common element that makes it all work for us is respect.

What I encourage you to do is this: look outside of the box. Try going on a date with somebody you'd normally not give the time of day. That's what Jimmy was for me. I always seemed to fall for the same kind of guy... exactly my age, very handsome, very smart, very masculine, very cocky. Jimmy is none of those things: he's 11 years older, not so masculine, not at all cocky, not tall, dark, or handsome, but he is extremely smart, and has the best sense of humor I've encountered in another person.

I think the biggest thing that made it possible for me to have a successful relationship was also me getting to the point in my life (for the very first time) where I actually didn't WANT to be in a relationship! I was so totally 100% happy with just who I was, and didn't have any interest in somebody ****ing that up. I had a good job, amazing friends, the best family in the world, a cute little dog, a nice car and house... who needed the complications and crap relationships bring? And of course, when I FINALLY decide it's ok to be single (and truly believe it), that's when I met the person I'll likely be with until death separates us. I'm sure all of this is rambling and non-sensical... but these are my experiences. I hope you could make some sort of sense out of what I'm trying to say!

DavidMn · #3 12-26-2009, 02:05 AM

I am so happy for you!

One thing I can definitely say is you cannot compromise what you love to be in a relationship. If you do that, it's almost over before it begins I think.

I really think my best trait is that I'm a really honest person and I have a good sense of humor. Everyone says that what they like most about me is how nice and easygoing I am. Its really nice to hear that.

DavidMn · #4 12-27-2009, 04:47 PM

Ok, it seems that I recieved a PM yesterday from someone here that felt it neccesary to make disparaging remarks about me. I wont name the person here because that's not my style but you know who you are because you obviously read this thread. The person wrote and I quote "Honey, no one wants to date Jonah the whale. And besides you're not even good looking. Oh and if you think I'm the only one that feels this way, you're wrong because I've recieved Pm's from SEVERAL other people saying the same thing." Ok fine I can accept that. I know i'm overweight and I'm not exactly what you'd call hot, but I would NEVER even fathom of treating another member here the way this person treated me. In case you didn't know Mr. smart ass, my weight issues are tied to my depression which has been made worse since my mother nearly died last year. I have been working on it, but I have a long way to go I know. I have done nothing but try to be a friend to everyone here and be as friendly as possible and it really hurts that there are people here talking behind my back like this because like I said I would never do that to someone else. The only reason I started this thread is because I genuinely wanted advice on how I could meet someone and have a boyfriend, not to be insulted and backstabbed. I'm just totally disgusted with this board right now and quite honestly I dont want to come somewhere where people dont like me and I dont even know who they are.

jannieC · #5 12-27-2009, 05:30 PM

David, ignore mean-spirited people. When you open yourself up and share personal feelings in a public forum, you are sure to attract people who enjoy hurting other people's feelings. I don't understand that mentality, but it does exist, of course. Take care and carry on!

louielouie2000 · #6 12-27-2009, 05:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jannieC

David, ignore mean-spirited people. When you open yourself up and share personal feelings in a public forum, you are sure to attract people who enjoy hurting other people's feelings. I don't understand that mentality, but it does exist, of course. Take care and carry on!

Exactly. Anybody who says things like that to another person is simply trying to distract others from their own shortcomings. Don't give them what they want by quitting posting around here. I would say that the majority of Ledgies truly enjoy reading about your exploits of following the band around. It'd be a shame to lose your voice around here.

WarmSir3 · #7 12-27-2009, 05:54 PM

It hurts me to see others being put down like this in a public forum! Take jannieC's advice. I know it's not exactly easy to just ignore what other people say, but at the end of the day take comfort in knowing they can't exactly enjoy being surrounded with such negativity. You on the other hand are a great person with a great life. Feel pity on these people and move on. More than likely the "other people" that were mentioned don't exist! Don't worry be happy!

Sanne2 · #8 12-27-2009, 06:04 PM

Wow that's just horrible! I hope you reported that person, his/her ass should be bannend from here!
Unfortunately, there are some truly rotten apples on this board, it wouldn't be the first time that I've encountered them. You should not leave because of them, they're not worth it.
You're one of the most interesting, entertaining and honest members here, don't let them chase you away.

Also, If I were you I would totally quote the PM here and post the members name, f*#k that ****!
But that's just me.

Dodfather · #9 12-27-2009, 06:44 PM

David, I' sure I speak for all Ledgies (other than the truly pathetic asshole who sent you this PM) when I say that I am truly sorry this happened to you. As others have already said, there are such horrible people everywhere and sadly we all encounter tham every now and again.

Don't let them drag you down.

I really enjoy reading all of your posts on this board and I'm sure most other people do too. This is Fleetwood Mac board after all and most of us would love to have seen them as often as you and be able to travel to do so!

As for the vile comments regarding your appearance, please don't take them toi heart. That's very easy for me to say but as you've said before, you're making great strides in terms of your weight (not that that would make you any better or worse a person if you didn't of course!) but the fact that you are being so proactive in this and your other life choices is most probably what has pissed off the person who PM'd you in the first place. Envy is a very ugly thing!

Keep going and stay on the board! You're a great Ledgie, and a great guy!

HomerMcvie · #10 12-27-2009, 06:48 PM

David, ignore that PIG of a human being! I had a similar situation, last night.

I have a friend, and she's rather large, and she got dumped yesterday. Well, I was sitting at a bar, consoling her. And this other girl I've been home with, a few times, came up, pulled me aside, and said, "I can't believe you'd rather be with her, than me". I said, "she's my friend, and we're just talking about her problems". This went on, for about 30 minutes(making gestures behind her back, about how large she is). She finally came up and said it to me again. I told her to get the FUKC away from me, and told her that I pick friends, over sex, any day of the week. Damn I was pissed. I came home, deleted her from Yahoo IM, and blocked her from my Facebook and Myspace. I'll never talk to her again.

Beauty's on the inside, David. I have no use for those SHALLOW pieces of ****, that go around passing judgement on people like that.

HomerMcvie · #11 12-27-2009, 06:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dodfather

That's very easy for me to say but as you've said before, you're making great strides in terms of your weight (not that that would make you any better or worse a person if you didn't of course!)

Yes David, you are making great strides. Keep it up. I did it recently, and you can too! I went from 215, three years ago, down to 155 now. I'm wearing 29 and 30" jeans. I've not worn anything that small, since probably 4th grade!!

But again, you CAN do it. Believing in yourself, is the biggest step. I did it, knowing that I needed to make some big changes in my life, and losing weight(for me, it REALLY helps my self-esteem, when I lose some weight) was crucial, for me to get the changes moving. I got called "scrawny", last night! To me, that was the ultimate compliment, of my entire life!

(yeah, I know, there are many other compliments, that would be better....but I've been battling weight for so long, that "scrawny" felt like victory!).
I'm dating constantly now, and I'm the best person I've ever been!

Believe in YOU, David

LukeA · #12 12-27-2009, 07:17 PM

Wow. What an asshole. Way to be a walking- no, prancing stereotype, catty & superficial gay boi.

David, I'm sorry you had to receive that PM. When I first read your post, I found most of what you said could also be felt & experienced by straight men/women- the same universal feelings of frustration we all feel in the dating world. I now realize that while straight men/women can certainly be brutally piggish/superficial, I doubt many (if any) would actually have the fortitude or lack the decency to do to you what this person did. Its unfortunate that there's a certain segment of gay culture/community that thinks that going this far out of their way to be hurtful (ie. "fierce") is a personality trait they'd choose to identify themselves with.

fringed n fab · #13 12-27-2009, 07:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LukeA

Wow. What an asshole. Way to be a walking- no, prancing stereotype, catty & superficial gay boi.

David, I'm sorry you had to receive that PM. When I first read your post, I found most of what you said could also be felt & experienced by straight men/women- the same universal feelings of frustration we all feel in the dating world. I now realize that while straight men/women can certainly be brutally piggish/superficial, I doubt many (if any) would actually have the fortitude or lack the decency to do to you what this person did. Its unfortunate that there's a certain segment of gay culture/community that thinks that going this far out of their way to be hurtful (ie. "fierce") is a personality trait they'd choose to identify themselves with.

I think most people whether straight or gay, would never be outright mean like this. I would like to think this was a fun board where we can discuss fun things whether it's FM or SN ( or Brandon

) or things going on in our daily lives. I would just ignore rude people and try and have fun on here with ones that matter.

LukeA · #14 12-27-2009, 07:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fringed n fab

I think most people whether straight or gay, would never be outright mean like this. I would like to think this was a fun board where we can discuss fun things whether it's FM or SN ( or Brandon

) or things going on in our daily lives. I would just ignore rude people and try and have fun on here with ones that matter.

Not sure what you meant by bolding that particular part of my message- are you suggesting I was being "outright mean" by referencing the stereotype & suggesting the mystery PM'er is one of the reasons why it exists?

fringed n fab · #15 12-27-2009, 07:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LukeA

Not sure what you meant by bolding that particular part of my message- are you suggesting I was being "outright mean" by referencing the stereotype & suggesting the mystery PM'er is one of the reasons why it exists?

No not at all. I was actually agreeing with you about whoever it was that was trying to be "cute" and so mean.