Dani's Diary

[belledejour]

Originally Posted by LikeAWillow

Ha, don't worry about. I should have just gone back through the thread to see if Dani ever said that. With your awesome username and horse experience, it seemed plausible that you could be French and had worked with horses in Germany as well.


I'm really weird.

no really I probably messed the thread up (uuggh) I do that sometimes ADD ~ I was reading the Rhiannon thread for Dani ~ and I copy and pasted to this thread not wanting to threadjack and I think that's what I did !!??

Yea it is an interesting movie thanks for appreciating my username

[daniellaaarisen]

Originally Posted by David

Dani, I like reading your journal. I'm browsing through it now, while listening to some Satie piano music that Wil (Ledgie) sent me a few years ago.

Thanks David. I'll post something new in the near future, although I need ideas. I have a thousand things I COULD say but no idea what is actually relevant.

[Ghost_Tracker]

Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen

Thanks David. I'll post something new in the near future, although I need ideas. I have a thousand things I COULD say but no idea what is actually relevant.

I think maybe we're going to have to ban you.

KIDDING, KIDDING! - I was referring to that comment you made in one of your videos.
Keep posting the vidoes though, they're fun!

[daniellaaarisen]

I'm surprised I haven't mentioned my love of writing on this thread, especially since it is such a defining part of who I am. Plus, I consider Stevie Nicks my catalyst, the writer who showed me the written word's capacity to not only emotionally sway a reader but also to change him or her. I have very poor confidence in my abilities as a writer, seeing myself as incompetent in some form throughout every piece I write. I am truly invested in literature because I LOVE it, because it has provided me with a medium of communication that no one can really take away from me. It's as vital to me as breathing.

I'm hoping to be a creative writing major in college. My top choice is currently Kenyon College in Gambier, OH but I might list all of my top schools in a future post.

I am almost done with a short story that may become my favoite piece yet. I'll post that when I finish it.

_______________________________________________________

"Old Habits Die Hard" (August 13th, 2009)

I eat and I sleep so I can eventually
spin:
My arms to span east and west
To their corners of some sea,

my legs to launch heart and mind to heaven
and the Souls of my feet far in hell.

And the rotation begins,
I do time in suspension

all the time I gave up
So as to pollinate you.

So I spin and I spread
and I learn to live thin

Since loving you isn’t enough and
you’re so good at hating me first.

This is my body, given up for you.
(and I don’t think I know your name)



"Gold Dust" (July 18th, 2009)

It makes the pocketwatch far from
My pocket
Tick against my thigh
At the type of speed
My heartbeat misses. It's like
The rain can't be wrong today
If it's dropping gold for me
From the hands of a man
Birthed in foreign fields--
Expelled from a womb
That still tells her wives' tales
In terms of pesos and siestas.
It's "adios" to that
For the man
Who now loans me the dollar
So I forget how to nap--
Forget how to eat in a world
Taking it too easy
In a world
That won't stop moving
In a world
Bound to a clock
From some world
That can't tell when time's up.
I choose to roll in gold dust
In a world
Where I can't be golden.




"Death Row is a State of Mind" (May 22nd, 2009)

The day I decided that I was no longer living for you, I started my slow descent to the bottom of the Dead Sea. Buoyant force doesn’t do **** when the atmosphere feels as heavy on your head as it actually is. All this pounding in my ears and implosion on my skull makes “light as air” simply not good enough; I want it to be lighter. I want a long drive at its best with somebody who has nothing to talk about, a Yuletide most celebrated without plastic garlands along each banister—but I crave casual conversation all too much now, and Christmas just can’t be Christmas without halls decked in holly.

You have come to show me that death row is a state of mind, a sense that cannot be shaken by that feeling you’re supposed to get when he holds you, or when your little boy paints a pretty picture and tells you to keep it. I’m the one of the two of us who sees beyond the plank, searching for heaven out of a seven-forty-seven window and finding solace in the wiser words of foolish men. You’re the one with September nights that have morphed into witching hours, blankly tapping the heavyweight bag twice with your left fist, soon after swinging around with the right.

And the truly amazing thing is that I can watch you without sensing each blow now. I’ve got a heaven and a hell to find and a way to find them: through midday moons and gasoline, red-tailed cardinals and dogwood.

The truly amazing thing is that you’re the only one with sore fists while I can finally see every star as the Northern star.




"Bonne Hiver, the Third Chapter" (April 28th, 2009) [about a conversation I had with an old teacher)

My name rolled off her tongue like honey. With her, the four letters that constitute who I am didn’t have to puncture the sweet still of silence lingering between us. Her tongue twisted the word just enough that it eased between her teeth and lips and into the emaciated air, her breath flowing freely to me from across our desks. The quiet was interrupted by something far too beautiful to consider a burden: the softness she expelled from her lips became my mantra; it rang to me in that transient moment and rings to me still.

“Dani,” she said, her voice slightly quivering, “tell me everything.”

And I did. I shakily recalled the worst moments of my life, choking in my attempt to exhale each syllable and string them together in a way that might make sense of my desperation. I told her what I knew of that sickness she had studied, the one so ancient and cross that no crucifix could ever fix it quite enough. I told her that I was happy and healthy and free, all while my heartstrings stretched and eventually shredded under the mere thought of return into open empty arms. After minutes of the most honest communication I can remember having with another, I made a point to assure her that I was just fine—plain old fine, one big step ahead of it all.

Yet, she still asked the question: “Are you afraid?”

I hesitated, and then my eyes climbed from my feet up to her face, and then inside of their counterpart within her own: “Yes, I think I am.”

I tattooed it to the inside of my mind, the way she looked at me after I was finally revealed. That stare targeted my eyes and spread like wildfire, the synapses between my every thought and bone firing signals left and right until my toes were alight. I fueled her somehow, resonated to something inside of her that I know someone else riled up a time or two. Her eyes held no questions of whether or not that moment was the one in which she should expand herself to some greater purpose; she knew it, her certainty emanating through the most convincing of charcoal irises from beneath a velveteen layer of tears. I could sense that I was being analyzed to every intricate detail of my makeup, for eyes like that discover scrolls of scripture, witness the crumbling of our modern Egyptian Alexandrias and always feast upon the simplest mechanisms of a beating heart.

It is in that stare that I fell in love with being loved.

[David]

Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen

I'm surprised I haven't mentioned my love of writing on this thread, especially since it is such a defining part of who I am. Plus, I consider Stevie Nicks my catalyst, the writer who showed me the written word's capacity to not only emotionally sway a reader but also to change him or her. I have very poor confidence in my abilities as a writer, seeing myself as incompetent in some form throughout every piece I write.

Based on these poems & prose, I say you are an absolutely marvelous writer, & far superior to Stevie Nicks, as far as I'm concerned. In "Old Habits Die Hard," for example, the multiple layers of meaning in the line "and the Souls of my feet far in hell" outdistance in complexity & reverberative impact anything Stevie Nicks ever wrote. And you're only in your late teens.

I'm hoping to be a creative writing major in college. My top choice is currently Kenyon College in Gambier, OH but I might list all of my top schools in a future post.

Some of these excerpts remind me of Sandra Macpherson. Have you read her poetry? I audited a creative writing course she taught at U.C. Davis many years ago.

[daniellaaarisen]

Originally Posted by David

Based on these poems & prose, I say you are an absolutely marvelous writer, & far superior to Stevie Nicks, as far as I'm concerned. In "Old Habits Die Hard," for example, the multiple layers of meaning in the line "and the Souls of my feet far in hell" outdistance in complexity & reverberative impact anything Stevie Nicks ever wrote. And you're only in your late teens.

Some of these excerpts remind me of Sandra Macpherson. Have you read her poetry? I audited a creative writing course she taught at U.C. Davis many years ago.

Wow, two absolutely huge compliments-- I am totally flattered. I thrive off of specific feedback ("Souls" line comment), so thank you-- it keeps me aware of what does and doesn't work for most readers and therefore, I can write my future pieces accordingly.

I'm sad to admit that I have only read Macpherson's "Poppies", which I adore. I'll need to really look into her. And she teaches at either U of Chicago or Davis currently, although I'm not sure which one. Both are potential college choices for me.

[Ghost_Tracker]

Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen

I'm surprised I haven't mentioned my love of writing on this thread, especially since it is such a defining part of who I am. Plus, I consider Stevie Nicks my catalyst, the writer who showed me the written word's capacity to not only emotionally sway a reader but also to change him or her. I have very poor confidence in my abilities as a writer, seeing myself as incompetent in some form throughout every piece I write. .

We're most-def going to have to disabuse you of THAT notion real fast;
especially since you're the only one on the planet who thinks that!

However, having said that:

1.) A writer is NEVER as good as she or he is one day going to get.
(I know the whole malarky about "peak creativity" in the 20s and
30s and "certain realities" and all that - - but it's the attitude that
counts - that you're always growing and learning and becoming
better.)

2.) i.m.o. you can NEVER read enough Poul Anderson. Science Fiction fans
read Isaac Asimov, Arthur C. Clarke and Robert Heinlein and thought,
"My God. I'll NEVER be that good!"
Isaac Asimov, Arthur C. Clarke and Robert Heinlein read Poul Anderson
and thought, "My GOD! I'll NEVER be that good! "
They were quite correct to say that, and were never more right in their lives.
The "Three Greats" of science fiction just simply "didn't have it" compared to him.

3.) They once asked a great writer - sorry I forgot who - what his or her influences
were. The answer was, ".....EVERYTHING!"



From Samantha Power, winner of the Pulitzer Prize for Literature:

"NEVER use the big word when the small word will do."

I'll add to that - don't use the big OR the small word.
Use the CORRECT word.
An instructor in a Genetics class once said to me when I got a 'C' on a test,
"It's the PRECISION of THOUGHT, Tim!"
Believe it or not, I think the same thing is true of truly good writing, in a way.
It's a balance between the emotional and the cognitive, and it's VERY hard
to really find it. But it's a very healthy "exercise"; and the rewards are
enormous.

P.S. - Puzzles can be fun and helpful too. For example, "list all the ways you can think of that black and white are similar."

P.S. II - I'm not saying you lack them, but you have GOT to get yourself some basic skills - the tools of writing:
Grammar, spelling, sentence structure, punctuation - when to use a semi-colon or a comma, for example -
where to place a colon when you are using quotes (it goes on the OUTSIDE - like this ---> ":
the foundations of writing. Learn ALL of this that you possibly can and know it like the back
of your hand.
You can write all the beautiful stuff in the world that you want
but an editor is NOT going to clean up your writing for you. That's BASIC in the "big leagues"
and they just simply don't have time. It also is a big turn-off and makes them doubt their
first impression of the quality of what they've just skimmed over.

Stephen King said it best: "If you're going to break the rules, you have to KNOW them first!"

[LikeAWillow]

Originally Posted by Ghost_Tracker

From Samantha Power, winner of the Pulitzer Prize for Literature:

"NEVER use the big word when the small word will do."

I'll add to that - don't use the big OR the small word.
Use the CORRECT word.
An instructor in a Genetics class once said to me when I got a 'C' on a test,
"It's the PRECISION of THOUGHT, Tim!"
Believe it or not, I think the same thing is true of truly good writing, in a way.
It's a balance between the emotional and the cognitive, and it's VERY hard
to really find it. But it's a very healthy "exercise"; and the rewards are
enormous.

"The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightening and a lightening bug" - Mark Twain

[daniellaaarisen]

Yup, word selection is everything. It takes even more consideration than I would have ever expected, especially when a writer reaches the point when the language itself is as crucial as the context.

[Ghost_Tracker]

Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen

Yup, word selection is everything. It takes even more consideration than I would have ever expected, especially when a writer reaches the point when the language itself is as crucial as the context.

Originally Posted by LikeAWillow

"The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightening and a lightening bug" - Mark Twain

Isaac Asimov once made a list of the three writers who he felt "use the RIGHT word, EVERY time" - Mark Twain was one of them. (The other two were Charles Dickens and P.G. Wodehouse.

For whatever it's worth, I've read - okay - SKIMMED over - three books about writing by successful writers - Dean Koontz, Isaac Asimov and Stephen King -
ALL THREE pointed directly to Mark Twain's "Huckleberry Finn" and said it's
an "absolute must read" for aspiring writers.

P.S. - Isaac Asimov once told a funny story about how he was at a writer's camp once, and there was a famous writer there who had been holed up in his room all day. He came down and they asked him what he had accomplished, and he said, "I ADDED a COMMA!"
He had lunch and went back up, and then late in the day came back down and they asked him again, and his answer that time was
"I REMOVED the COMMA!"

[GypsySorcerer]

Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen

I'm hoping to be a creative writing major in college. My top choice is currently Kenyon College in Gambier, OH but I might list all of my top schools in a future post.

I think that's where the handsome chap in my signature studied.

Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen

I could sense that I was being analyzed to every intricate detail of my makeup, for eyes like that discover scrolls of scripture, witness the crumbling of our modern Egyptian Alexandrias and always feast upon the simplest mechanisms of a beating heart.

That's my favorite.

You're very talented -- I can hardly believe you're only seventeen.

[daniellaaarisen]

Originally Posted by GypsySorcerer

That's my favorite.

You're very talented -- I can hardly believe you're only seventeen.

Thank you so much! I am really grateful for the positive comments on here.

[Cornflake Girl]

Originally Posted by GypsySorcerer

You're very talented -- I can hardly believe you're only seventeen.

Exactly what I was thinking. You've got a real gift, Dani! I love 'Old Habits Die Hard', what inspired you to write it?

[daniellaaarisen]

Originally Posted by Cornflake Girl

Exactly what I was thinking. You've got a real gift, Dani! I love 'Old Habits Die Hard', what inspired you to write it?

Thank you so much-- you all are too nice to me!

My best friend for the past 2+ years is a phenomenal person, but he has some really big emotional issues that I have always put on the back burner because we had a connection unlike anything I've ever experienced (platonically). After a series of bad events (running away from my house in the middle of the night, getting busted for coke, among others), I was totally there to testify for police interviews and support him as much as I could without being overbearing. Part of his rebellion (if that's the right word) was to push almost everyone away. He did the same with me, which was surprising... and even more surprisingly, he did it in possibly the cruelest way possible.

So really, I guess "Old Habits" is about six months of watching addiction, self-induced oppression, borderline bipolar disorder and extreme self-destructive tendencies-- watching patiently, quietly, hopefully-- all from his right hand side.

[Cornflake Girl]

Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen

Thank you so much-- you all are too nice to me!

My best friend for the past 2+ years is a phenomenal person, but he has some really big emotional issues that I have always put on the back burner because we had a connection unlike anything I've ever experienced (platonically). After a series of bad events (running away from my house in the middle of the night, getting busted for coke, among others), I was totally there to testify for police interviews and support him as much as I could without being overbearing. Part of his rebellion (if that's the right word) was to push almost everyone away. He did the same with me, which was surprising... and even more surprisingly, he did it in possibly the cruelest way possible.

So really, I guess "Old Habits" is about six months of watching addiction, self-induced oppression, borderline bipolar disorder and extreme self-destructive tendencies-- watching patiently, quietly, hopefully-- all from his right hand side.

You captured that brilliantly. I asked because I felt like I could really relate to it, and it's a little creepy because what you described is almost exactly what I went through with a friend (and almost more than that) a few years ago. Thank you for sharing it.

Do you plan to make a career out of writing in the future? I'm really sorry if you've already said that, I might even have read it, I have a memory like the fish from Finding Nemo. I really hope you do, it would be shame not to!!