So why didn't you have a date tonight?

[Ghost_Tracker]

Originally Posted by vivfox

I used to be a perfect speller but now I'm just old. Not pathetic.

I hope you know I was just joking.

You said you're "attracted to arrogant men"
so I was pretending to be "arrogant."

[vivfox]

Originally Posted by Ghost_Tracker

I hope you know I was just joking.

You said you're "attracted to arrogant men"
so I was pretending to be "arrogant."

I didn't. But I do now.

[vivfox]

In our quest to find, attract, and keep our perfect partner, we often wonder what turns men on. And while it’s important to know how to light a man’s fire, it’s equally important to understand what douses his dating flames. By being clear about what kind of behavior turns men off, we can be better prepared to keep the spark alive from our first encounter to happily ever after. What follows are the top five male turnoffs.

Turnoff #1: Flakiness
Guys report that one of the biggest turnoffs when dating a woman is when she either can’t commit to plans or constantly flakes on plans. If you regularly pencil in your plans with a “maybe” and/or cancel plans at the last minute, you’re giving your guy the impression that he’s tentative in your life, aka “good enough for now.” Who wants to date someone who makes them feel temporary? Chances are you don’t, and you shouldn’t be the girl who makes her date feel that way either.

Turnoff #2: Poor communication skills
Raise your hand if you’ve been this girl in your relationship past: your date/boyfriend said or did something you didn’t like, but instead of saying anything, you went along with it. You may have even said it was “fine.” But then at some point down the road, you got upset. Maybe you even blew up at an inappropriate time, causing an argument that completely took your significant other off guard. Most of us have been guilty of passive aggressive behavior at least once in our dating past. It happens. But when you repeat that kind of behavior over and over in any dating/relationship scenario, the only thing you’ll succeed at is sabotaging your efforts. Just as you deserve to be with someone who’s comfortable communicating his wants, needs, and desires, you, too, should be a healthy communicator. Don’t say one thing if you really mean another. Instead, get in the habit of saying what you mean. Guys appreciate that!

Turnoff #3: Not playing fair
From your initial encounter to your first date and beyond, guys pay attention to whether or not you’re playing fair. If, for example, you always expect the guy to come to your side of town, pick you up, open your door, pay the check, drop you off, call you the next day, and in general placate your every need without you so much as lifting a finger, you’re not dating fairly. More important, if there’s a disagreement and you don’t fight fairly, i.e., you throw things in his face, hold grudges, and insist on winning every argument, you’re going to be a very lonely single girl because you’re not being fair. In the new millennium, chivalry goes both ways and the dating game requires plenty of give-and-take. If you can be fair in dating times both good and bad, guys will dig you so much more!

Turnoff #4: Trying to change him
It’s almost cliché how often in the media we see, hear, or read about a woman who tries to change her man. Whether it’s changing how he dresses, what he watches on TV, his manners, or his friends, the woman at the helm of all this change always comes off as a control freak. Don’t be that girl. Just as the guy in your life should accept you warts and all, you, too, should accept him for who he is. And if you can’t? Don’t date him. It’s as simple as that. The whole point of being single and dating is to meet a variety of different people, find out who you are as well as who your perfect partner might be, and eventually settle down with someone who’s right for you. Rather than trying to change the wrong guy into Mr. Right, why not keep playing the field until you meet that special someone who’s far from perfect but whose imperfections you have no desire to change? (He’s out there — keep looking!)

Turnoff #5: Ultimatums
Nothing turns a man off more than a woman who gives him an ultimatum. Not only are they not sexy, they’re ineffective. Healthy and happy relationships don’t need ultimatums. When you’re regularly communicating your needs to the person you’re in a relationship with, ultimatums are unnecessary. It’s when communication breaks down, when one person feels his or her needs aren’t being met, or when the relationship isn’t going in the direction one had hoped or at the speed one had anticipated, that ultimatums are usually issued. A huge turn-off, ultimatums are a tricky relationship tactic and should be avoided at all costs.

So there you have it — the top five male turnoffs. By understanding the dating and mating behaviors that shut men down, you ultimately master the art of how to turn the right guy on. Good luck and happy dating!

http://advice.eharmony.com/article/t...=23600&aid=801

[brysondt]

Damn--no wonder I'm not married. Looks like I've been turning off all the men in my life. I gotta step it up, yo!

[daniellaaarisen]

I have a big reason or two why my luck with relationships sucks, but I don't think they root from the turnoffs you listed. Not that the list isn't accurate... I'm just not good at the "settle down and stop messing with his head for fun" thing. I like to play with my food before I eat it and although I am unnaturally good at keeping a guy's interest because of it, it never goes to "the next level".

Bleh.

[carrie721]

Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen

I have a big reason or two why my luck with relationships sucks, but I don't think they root from the turnoffs you listed. Not that the list isn't accurate... I'm just not good at the "settle down and stop messing with his head for fun" thing. I like to play with my food before I eat it and although I am unnaturally good at keeping a guy's interest because of it, it never goes to "the next level".

Bleh.

gross, gross, gross. not only is this notion gross, but it's wildly popular too. it's comments like these that totally undercut the idea that there is widespread misogyny in our culture. women are not victims of a patriarchal society; they've been complicit in the push-me/pull-you game of sexual and romantic relationships between men and women for millenia. it's just easier for women to cast themselves as victims than it is for men.

blergh.

[daniellaaarisen]

Originally Posted by carrie721

gross, gross, gross. not only is this notion gross, but it's wildly popular too. it's comments like these that totally undercut the idea that there is widespread misogyny in our culture. women are not victims of a patriarchal society; they've been complicit in the push-me/pull-you game of sexual and romantic relationships between men and women for millenia. it's just easier for women to cast themselves as victims than it is for men.

blergh.

Hey, I agree with you. Hence why I'm complaining about it / working on it. Plus, I am totally aware it is my own fault.

[iamnotafraid]

Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen

Plus, I am totally aware it is my own fault.

Maybe it's the "Stevie" in you.

[daniellaaarisen]

Originally Posted by iamnotafraid

Maybe it's the "Stevie" in you.

It totally is, I'm afraid. Afraid or proud... it usually bounces back and forth between the two.

[Dodfather]

Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen

I have a big reason or two why my luck with relationships sucks, but I don't think they root from the turnoffs you listed. Not that the list isn't accurate... I'm just not good at the "settle down and stop messing with his head for fun" thing. I like to play with my food before I eat it and although I am unnaturally good at keeping a guy's interest because of it, it never goes to "the next level".

Bleh.

Hi Dani,

While of course I don't agree with what you've out here if you are deliberately messing with a guys head, you really shouldn't be so hard on yourself! You're 17 right? I really don't mean this to be patronising and apologies if this is how it comes across but who says you should be settling down or going to any level other than just having fun? If you want to settle down then go for it butif not then don't feel too guilty aboutit.

I know you say you date older men but surely if he's a good guy he will appreciate you for who you are and everything that goes along with that, including an age difference. They shouldn't be expecting you to move to the next level (I'm not saying they will be of course).

Having been in relationships with both older and younger women, it's all too easy to put too much pressure on yourself as regards how you think you "should" be acting. This never ends well because you always end up feeling uncomfortable.

I'm really sorry if I've assumed too much and spoken out of turn but I just found your post interesting, having been there and seen it from both sides (being the younger and older one in the relationship) and from the guys point of view!

Al.

[mylittledemon]

Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen

I like to play with my food before I eat it and although I am unnaturally good at keeping a guy's interest because of it, it never goes to "the next level".

Generally, guys don't like head games and drama. Stop it.

[Dodfather]

Originally Posted by mylittledemon

Generally, guys don't like head games and drama. Stop it.

I agree. Despite my last post, if this is deliberate then yes, stop it. The "play with your food" line would seem to suggest this, not a good idea...

You seem to recognise that in yourself though so that's always a great start. There's a middle ground between head games and not putting too much pressure on yourself. I guess that's what I meant.

[chriskisn]

Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen

I have a big reason or two why my luck with relationships sucks, but I don't think they root from the turnoffs you listed. Not that the list isn't accurate... I'm just not good at the "settle down and stop messing with his head for fun" thing. I like to play with my food before I eat it and although I am unnaturally good at keeping a guy's interest because of it, it never goes to "the next level".

Bleh.

Curious because I would have thought that the older men really wouldn't give a damn about anything but bedding a seventeen year old girl. I'm surprised you can mess with their heads and I'm surprised that any of them would want to settle down with you. Older men aren't generally looking for a long term relationship with a much younger woman... Maybe I'm just cynical?

[fleetwoodtrick]

Originally Posted by mylittledemon

Generally, guys don't like head games and drama. Stop it.

Ugh there was this guy at my school in Colorado who I liked like for two years (and he knew that too), but those were two things he LOVED. He'd claim not to like drama, but then he'd go around spreading rumours (<< Wow, I was an idiot. So apparently, this boy was the minority.

[fleetwoodtrick]

Dani, didn't you read that article in Seventeen about CODs? (Creepy Older Dudes?)


Or perhaps I am the only Ledgie who reads Seventeen...