legal professionals - Page 4

JazmenFlowers · #46 08-08-2007, 09:34 AM

my latest livejournal entry is kind of appropriate here:

one of the attorneys I work with graduated law school about 1 year or so ago. he's my age...maybe a year or 2 older, but pretty much my age. anyway, he mumbles. I can't understand a ****ing thing he says. plus, he's one that when he's at lunch with people he'll call me on his cellphone and say "hey, anything going on that I need to know about?" or ramble about something else to make himself look more important. what gets me is that he knows that I know that it's a load of bull****. but he doesn't care. anyway, back to the mumbling. at first, I thought I could handle it, but now I want to grab his head in my hands and scream into his face "SPEAK CLEARLY GODDAMNIT - SLOW DOWN AND SPEAK!" and he constantly leaves notes in my chair that say "see me" - now, anyone that knows me knows that 2 things will set me off and get under my skin and those are "see me" and "are you caught up?" - and that's simply because the job I had all through high school and college, the woman I worked for said that to me at least 50 times a day. so, whenever I see "see me" on a sticky on my chair, my BP goes up. anyway, I feel stupid because I keep having to ask "what was that?" or "pardon?" or "huh?" - and then I find myself repeating everything he just said back to him just to be sure I understood his hyperspeed speech. it's really ridiculous. couple that with the fact that his grammar isn't all that great - in fact, it's not even good. then, I found out he was an English major. wtf. dude. I was an English major as well and I will be the first to admit I don't always speak or write properly, but you can be damn sure at work I do. he is just really annoying the hell out of me.

Livia · #47 08-08-2007, 09:49 AM

I hate it when anything is placed in my chair, or on top of my keyboard. I've got an IN-box on my desk. I know exactly what's in there. I glance at it EVERY time I walk back into my office. Placing something on my chair or keyboard, or waving it in my face while I'm working on something else will almost always guarantee that I'll do your work last.

Jazzy - do you have to transcribe dictation for the mumbler? One of the attorneys here has a problem with pronunciation - he totally butchers the English language. He'll say "pacifically" instead of "specifically." He also has a grammar problem..."If there is any questionS or concernS..." It's "are," not "is," Mr. Lawyer. And at the end of a tape, he'll say, "Okay, so yeah, go ahead and type that." What do you think I just did, dipsh*t?

JazmenFlowers · #48 08-08-2007, 10:09 AM

^^^
yeah, I know. it's like in big, bold letters "JCF INBOX" - hello

nope, I don't have to transcribe. luckily, the secretaries here do that. I would die if I had to do that.

Livia · #49 08-08-2007, 10:21 AM

My other pet peeve is being micro-managed. I'll return from lunch and run into someone in the hallway, "Oh, I just sent you an email..." or "I just put something on your desk." I have eyes, I check my email regularly, there is no need to formally announce to me what I will no doubt discover on my own in a matter of seconds.

We have a newbie attorney here too, fresh out of law school. She's really sweet, but does that kind of thing all the time. She'll put something in my box, with a sticky-note on it: "Need a certified envelope and a fax cover sheet." While she can plainly see that I have headphones on, transcribing, she will still tell me verbally what the sticky-note says. On a bad day, I am SO tempted to say, "You interrupted me just so you could tell me what I am capable of reading myself, and be able to comprehend with my own, non-law-degreed brain? Thanks!"

JazmenFlowers · #50 08-08-2007, 10:33 AM

^^^
oh my god, I know. or when I'm walking in from going out to lunch once in a blue moon, I'm in the hall and someone says "Oh, I think X was looking for you" - oh great, let me stop what I'm doing and run to their office to see if I can polish their shoes while they ask me where I was when they came looking for me during my lunch hour.

Livia · #51 08-08-2007, 11:00 AM

How does the mumbler expect a judge or jury to understand him in a court room? I'd hate to be the stenographer in that situation.

SuzeQuze · #52 08-08-2007, 11:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Livia

How does the mumbler expect a judge or jury to understand him in a court room? I'd hate to be the stenographer in that situation.

My roommate's a steno and it's hell. Plus she's practically deaf.

I give you a lot of credit for putting up with BS and being able to kiss ass. Haha. I supported executives for a year and I couldn't stand it. I didn't do very well at it because I hated the politics, the BS, and could not kiss ass. Plus they would never tell me what they needed/wanted and I was too shy to go and ask them, at that time. Now that wouldn't be an issue. But things like the CEO of a techie firm not being able to figure out how to use his email would piss me off. I love my job now though, phew.

Betsy · #53 08-08-2007, 11:29 AM

OK...I love this thread.

I used to be an English teacher and have now worked for a law firm for 11 years.

My observations:
All lawyers have egos....it is the ego that is their edge.

Some have a God complex, or see themselves as the center of the universe.

Female lawyers seem to be more vicious than male lawyers. Females are more vicious to other females.

Family Law is THEE worst area...divorce is NEVER over.

Clients can and will lie....repeatedly.

There are a lot of stupid people out there and they need representation.

Opposing Counsel likes to up the retainer...they write letters/faxes just so they can bill their client.

If you are a paralegal or legal assistant practice the "Three Evil Monkeys" when speaking or dealing with the Opposing Counsel...."hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil"....in other words, CYA because they want to nail your ass to the wall.

Never take what the courthouse clerks tell you as gospel.

When working at a law firm, always know that when the mud gets to slinging, innocent bystanders, such as myself, can and will get hit....numerous times....so duck...and try not to take it personally.

My own co-workers (lawyers) can and will take it out on me, if they are losing or have F'ked up.

Always keep a paper trail so they can't blame the mistake on me.

Female lawyers get hungry faster and more often than male ones. They will volunteer you to go pick up their lunch and can and will stiff you on the bill.

Always know that the baby lawyers will come to you and ask you to do their work for them. After you do the research they will take the credit and will bill for it.

Baby lawyers are lazy and whine. The best way to deal with them is to throw a bottle in their room and shut the door, hoping that they will lay down and take a nap, thereby leaving me alone.

Collections.....everyone gets their turn....we get on the phone and try to collect accounts....we affectionately call it "Dialing for Dollars." The firm's strategy is that if we don't collect, then nobody gets paid....so we all have to make those calls.

I now work for the the lawyer, who practices wills, estates and probate. (Behind his back we call him KING OF THE DEAD.)

One of my favorite cases was the guy who wanted to renew his Power of Attorney over his brother. (His brother died two years ago. So he bascially wanted a POA....for a dead body...)

One final note...Jazzy....I agree 100% with what you observe...and I loved reading your posts. Thank God I am not alone....

JazmenFlowers · #54 08-08-2007, 11:33 AM

^^^
I so could've written that post. get outta my head woman!

oh, and thanks.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Livia

How does the mumbler expect a judge or jury to understand him in a court room? I'd hate to be the stenographer in that situation.

exactly. I just read an email where he had to re-introduce himself to a judge and he thought it was because she forgot who he was, but I wanted to say "no ****tard, it's cause you can't speak properly so she didn't understand you and most likely, wiped you from her memory"

Violet · #55 08-08-2007, 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Livia

I'd hate to be the stenographer in that situation.

As a court reporter, I can tell you that mumblers are the WORST. I'd rather have someone spewing medical terminology at 300 wpm than a mumbler that I feel I have to sit on top of to hear. Yesterday I had a mumbling attorney appearing over the PHONE. With tons of construction noise going on outside. Phone depos SUCK in general, but having a mumbler involved is a bad transcript waiting to happen.

Carol

Livia · #56 08-08-2007, 12:30 PM

EXCELLENT post, Betsy!

It's not just the egos, but the idiosyncracies as well. I have to mentally switch gears, depending on which attorney I'm doing work for..."this one's the grammar idiot, this one always spells clients' names wrong (even though it's RIGHT there, in front of his face, on the file label)..." I always say it's like being a daycare worker, taking care of the brats. "This one wants his pb&j sandwich w/ the crusts cut off, this one wants you to slice it diagonally, this one wants his sandwich w/ very little jelly..."

And yes, the cya paper trail - VERY important. That's why I prefer email over verbal communication!

The females - oy vay. My experience: either they're cool, or they're vicious. There is no in-between. Just last week, I got into it w/ one of the females. I've been bugging her to complete paperwork so I can close out 30-something files that have been sitting in boxes since November. I quoted what she'd said in an email back in May. She literally hissed at me, "What email was that? I don't remember saying I'd do that, I thought I was still waiting for you to blah, blah, blah." Me: "Ummm, the email from May 4th, which I have up on my screen right now." The hisser: "Well then please forward it to me." Gladly, beeyotch.

She'll also demand that I do something at 4:45 PM, because it's "due today." She hates when I call her on her bs. Respectively, of course. "Are you sure it's due today? Because according to their policy, you still have until the 15th." Translation: She wants it off her desk today, it's not "due" today.

I nicknamed bad grammar guy Lucifer a long time ago. He's the biggest a-hole here, and everyone knows it. Which is good for me, cuz we'd butt heads a lot. At least everyone knew I wasn't the problem. I can afford to cop an attitude occasionally and not kiss-ass all the time, because everyone knows I do great work - I kick butt!

Lucifer runs up his bills by writing a follow-up letter after every phone call he has, every piece of mail he reads, every time he farts while thinking of someone's case. One of his opposing counsel peeps asked him to stop doing that.

He's the only one who regularly works every weekend. As our firm continued to grow, I could no longer handle his workload, plus 3 others. He's got his own secretary now. Yay! I almost quit like 6 different times because of him.

Baby lawyers - I like that phrase. Whenever my baby lawyer turns in one timesheet, she'll be all dramatic about it and go, "Whew!!" when she puts it in my box. Like she just gave birth to triplets. And I'm thinking, "Don't 'whew' at me. I enter time for 4 attorneys every month and you wanna act like turning in one timesheet is a huge accomplishment?"

strandinthewind · #57 08-08-2007, 12:35 PM

You bitches should work for me - I shackle the employees to their desks!

JazmenFlowers · #58 08-08-2007, 12:37 PM

you enter time too! no way!

when do you have time to enter your own? we get until Wednesday of the following week to have that week's time in. so, like, today, all of last week's time is due and I've entered zilch. I always wait til 3 and shut everything down and get it in.

Livia · #59 08-08-2007, 12:38 PM

I used to feel shackled by Lucifer. He used to literally stalk me, and I am not exaggerating! God forbid I should ever have to empty my bladder or need food and water.

Livia · #60 08-08-2007, 12:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JazmenFlowers

you enter time too! no way!

when do you have time to enter your own? we get until Wednesday of the following week to have that week's time in. so, like, today, all of last week's time is due and I've entered zilch. I always wait til 3 and shut everything down and get it in.

Since our attorneys travel so much, I usually always find time to enter time. We've got until the 5th or 7th or so of each month to enter everyone's time - no weekly deadlines.