That Fuc**ng "Wonderful Christmastime" song!

[SortaSavageLike]

Every year, starting in late November, and ending in early January, I am filled with an uncontrollable rage. A burning desire, a ruthless ambition, a heartless dementia. Who, or what, could possible invoke such strong, negative emotions within myself?

Paul McCartney. For most of the year, I have no issue with Paul McCartney. He is, after all, the man who wrote Back In The USSR, Eleanor Rigby, Let It Be, Band On The Run, and countless other great songs. But for just five weeks of every year, I want to strangle Paul McCartney to death.

Why would I, a perfectly rational human being, want to kill Paul McCartney? Allow me to explain. A few nights ago, having just spent the last five days stuck in my Dad’s apartment as my bathroom was being torn apart, I was at our local K-Mart. I was certainly not having a "wonderful" Christmastime. Then it happened. That song came on the PA system. It poured forth like bile from a ruptured gallbladder - the infamous Wonderful Christmastime!

Part of me wanted to run outside and wander around like a lost puppy for the next five minutes. Instead, I stayed inside, absorbing the aural atrocity I had heard so often before, examining the repulsive ditty as if I were a scientist studying a caged chimpanzee. I wondered to myself, of the hundred-odd people in the store at the time, how many wanted to kill Paul McCartney then and there? How many of them were seriously contemplating hiding in the bathroom, or abandoning their carriages in the checkout isle just to "escape?"

Wonderful Christmastime raises some serious ethical questions. Can it really drive a good man mad? Imagine cornering the man who killed your family in a small, dark room. You’re pointing a gun in his face, ready to pull the trigger. At that very moment, as if my satanic intervention, Wonderful Christmastime begins playing full-blast, but only in that room. Would I shoot him, putting him out of his misery? Would the song drive me into a murderous rage, forcing me to stab him to death with a pocket knife? Or would I lock him in the room, surely a fate worth than death?

The most disturbing thing about Wonderful Christmastime is it’s relentlessly cruel, mechanical inhumanity. Despite being 27 years old, it’s bitter, pre-manufactured coldness has yet to be equaled in modern popular music. Whereas every other 70s novelty song has been put to rest, it marches onwards, impervious to criticism, unstoppable as the Nazi Blitzkrieg. Had Pink Floyd produced a holiday album entitled Christmas From Behind The Wall, it could never instill in me the soul-crushing depression that Wonderful Christmastime does.

Consider: Wonderful Christmastime can not actually be the product of an actual human being. Certainly, someone with strong pop sensibilities like Paul McCartney would have paused before putting such lyrics on paper:

Simply… having… a wonderful Christmastime
Simply… having… a wonderful Christmastime

The choir of children… sing their song
They practiced… all year long
Ding dong, ding dong
Ding dong, ding dong
Ding dong, ding dong

Not only did McCartney choose to sing this song in an obnoxious lock-step manner, he obviously wrote it in about ten minutes on a piece of toilet paper. The moon is right, the spirits up? Lift a glass, Ahhh, don't look down? Honestly, did Paul McCartney revert to an infantile state when he entered the studio to record this piece of schiese?

Perhaps killing Paul McCartney for a song he wrote in 1979 is an excessive use of force. After all, he already died in 1967 during the production of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. Killing him again would be a waste of manpower. Can we imagine a world without Wonderful Christmastime? It isn’t hard to do.

[DrummerDeanna]

So...are you trying to say you don't like this song??

I LOVE...it's on my homemade Christmas compilation cd...it produces no violent rages within me against Paul McCartney, any member of the Beatles or any other member of Humanity (except maybe Mariah Carey.)

Happy Christmas.

[irishgrl]

Every year, starting in late November, and ending in early January, I am filled with an uncontrollable rage. A burning desire, a ruthless ambition, a heartless dementia. Who, or what, could possible invoke such strong, negative emotions within myself?

Paul McCartney. For most of the year, I have no issue with Paul McCartney. He is, after all, the man who wrote Back In The USSR, Eleanor Rigby, Let It Be, Band On The Run, and countless other great songs. But for just five weeks of every year, I want to strangle Paul McCartney to death.

Why would I, a perfectly rational human being, want to kill Paul McCartney? Allow me to explain. A few nights ago, having just spent the last five days stuck in my Dad’s apartment as my bathroom was being torn apart, I was at our local K-Mart. I was certainly not having a "wonderful" Christmastime. Then it happened. That song came on the PA system. It poured forth like bile from a ruptured gallbladder - the infamous Wonderful Christmastime!

Part of me wanted to run outside and wander around like a lost puppy for the next five minutes. Instead, I stayed inside, absorbing the aural atrocity I had heard so often before, examining the repulsive ditty as if I were a scientist studying a caged chimpanzee. I wondered to myself, of the hundred-odd people in the store at the time, how many wanted to kill Paul McCartney then and there? How many of them were seriously contemplating hiding in the bathroom, or abandoning their carriages in the checkout isle just to "escape?"

Wonderful Christmastime raises some serious ethical questions. Can it really drive a good man mad? Imagine cornering the man who killed your family in a small, dark room. You’re pointing a gun in his face, ready to pull the trigger. At that very moment, as if my satanic intervention, Wonderful Christmastime begins playing full-blast, but only in that room. Would I shoot him, putting him out of his misery? Would the song drive me into a murderous rage, forcing me to stab him to death with a pocket knife? Or would I lock him in the room, surely a fate worth than death?

The most disturbing thing about Wonderful Christmastime is it’s relentlessly cruel, mechanical inhumanity. Despite being 27 years old, it’s bitter, pre-manufactured coldness has yet to be equaled in modern popular music. Whereas every other 70s novelty song has been put to rest, it marches onwards, impervious to criticism, unstoppable as the Nazi Blitzkrieg. Had Pink Floyd produced a holiday album entitled Christmas From Behind The Wall, it could never instill in me the soul-crushing depression that Wonderful Christmastime does.

Consider: Wonderful Christmastime can not actually be the product of an actual human being. Certainly, someone with strong pop sensibilities like Paul McCartney would have paused before putting such lyrics on paper:

Simply… having… a wonderful Christmastime
Simply… having… a wonderful Christmastime

The choir of children… sing their song
They practiced… all year long
Ding dong, ding dong
Ding dong, ding dong
Ding dong, ding dong

Not only did McCartney choose to sing this song in an obnoxious lock-step manner, he obviously wrote it in about ten minutes on a piece of toilet paper. The moon is right, the spirits up? Lift a glass, Ahhh, don't look down? Honestly, did Paul McCartney revert to an infantile state when he entered the studio to record this piece of schiese?

Perhaps killing Paul McCartney for a song he wrote in 1979 is an excessive use of force. After all, he already died in 1967 during the production of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. Killing him again would be a waste of manpower. Can we imagine a world without Wonderful Christmastime? It isn’t hard to do.

bleh. It cant hold a candle to John Lennon's Happy Christmas.

Paul was always a sorry second to John IMO. maybe he was still competing?

ps: great incorporation of an awesome Lennon tune (Imagine) at the end

[DrummerDeanna]

Originally Posted by irishgrl

bleh. It cant hold a candle to John Lennon's Happy Christmas.

Paul was always a sorry second to John IMO. maybe he was still competing?

They're so different that I won't even compare the two. I do love Happy Christmas

But John was more of a lyricist - more of a poet, more of a thinker and politicizer...Paul was more the romantic..the mushy one...and as far as music goes (just music - not lyrics) Paul has John beat IMO. But even in that regard their styles were so incredibly different...

To me, Paul's stuff is better - but many a Lennon fan think it's mostly rubbish

that said - BOTH Wonderful Christmastime and Happy Christmas (War is Over) are on my Christmas compilation...I love them both

[Miss Vicky]

I loathe this song with every fiber of my being.

It's torturous to listen to... and what's worse is that the very mention of it gets it stuck in my head for weeks.

I generally dislike Christmas music anyway. Around this time I start playing my CD of obscene Xmas tunes like "Ho Ho F*cking Ho," "Amazing Grass," and "He Only Comes Once a Year."

[irishgrl]

Originally Posted by Miss Vicky

I loathe this song with every fiber of my being.

It's torturous to listen to... and what's worse is that the very mention of it gets it stuck in my head for weeks.

I generally dislike Christmas music anyway. Around this time I start playing my CD of obscene Xmas tunes like "Ho Ho F*cking Ho," "Amazing Grass," and "He Only Comes Once a Year."

Amazing Grass.......I didnt know such a song existed...........thank you for schoolin' me my friend

[irishgrl]

Originally Posted by DrummerDeanna

They're so different that I won't even compare the two. I do love Happy Christmas

But John was more of a lyricist - more of a poet, more of a thinker and politicizer...Paul was more the romantic..the mushy one...and as far as music goes (just music - not lyrics) Paul has John beat IMO. But even in that regard their styles were so incredibly different...

To me, Paul's stuff is better - but many a Lennon fan think it's mostly rubbish

that said - BOTH Wonderful Christmastime and Happy Christmas (War is Over) are on my Christmas compilation...I love them both

Paul's music, John's words. best combo ever.
close second? Simon and Garfunkel.

[Miss Vicky]

Originally Posted by irishgrl

Amazing Grass.......I didnt know such a song existed...........thank you for schoolin' me my friend

Indeed it does. It's by this crazy Aussie named Kevin "Bloody" Wilson.

It was just a seed
A tiny seed
That my mate gave to me
A seed I sewed
And then watched grow
Into a f*cking great tree

Amazing grass
How sweet the smell
That made a wreck of me
I once was straight
But now **** faced
Pass the joint 'round please

I can't believe
Amazing weed
One toke
One tiny puff
I'm ripped
I'm bent
I'm off me tits
I'm stoned
I'm wrecked
I'm f*cked

Amazing grass
How sweet the smell
That made a wreck of me
I once was straight
Now **** faced
Pass the joint back please

And when I'm old
And near-on f*cked
With cobwebs on me ass
I'll just thank Christ
That I've survived
On my amazing grass

Amazing grass
How sweet the smell
That made a wreck of me
I once was straight
But now off me face
Oh, can another toke please?

Amazing grass
How sweet the smell
That made a wreck of me
I once was straight
(Laughs)
All heads and no f*cking leaves

Amazing grass
How sweet thou art
That made a wreck of me
I once was straight
Oh, **** faced
Oh, can I have something to eat?

Amazing grass
How sweet the smell
That made a wreck of me
(Laughs)
Pass the munchies please

Amazing grass
How sweet...
I once was straight
Pass the Mars bars please

Amazing grass
I once was f*cking straight
Pass the f*cking Mars bars (laughs hysterically until end)

[Für Elise]

I like this song its one of the only xmas songs I like. I don't see why its so much worse than other xmas songs

[PsychCat]

Originally Posted by Miss Vicky

I loathe this song with every fiber of my being. It's torturous to listen to... and what's worse is that the very mention of it gets it stuck in my head for weeks.

AAAARRGGGGHHHHH!!! And otherwise I LOVE McCartney.... especially the music he was doing around that time with Wings. I still can't believe it's the same guy.... that he never did a legit, listenable Christmas song.

I LOVE Sarah McLachlan's new cover of Happy Christmas. She was on "Good Morning America" yesterday (and "Conan" last night but I didn't make it.) I just love me some Sarah.

[Miss Vicky]

^^^
Well, I don't love me some Sarah (Sorry), but I do normally love me some Paul - just not that Fing Christmas song (and also not "C-Moon").

[estranged4life]

Originally Posted by irishgrl

bleh. It cant hold a candle to John Lennon's Happy Christmas.

Paul was always a sorry second to John IMO. maybe he was still competing?

Lennon's "Happy Xmas (War is Over)" poops on the Macca track, which I do find annoying since it has been overplayed to death on the radio.

I think Lennon won the competition over Macca with song "How Do You Sleep?", which is a direct slam to to Mr.McCartney, from the "Imagine" album.



As for me, Here's the lyrics of one of my 2 favorite Christmas songs (The other is "The Story of Christmas" by Cheech & Chong)

No Presents For Christmas (King Diamond/ Michael Denner)
-------------------------

"Christmas Time Is Here Again
Santa Needs A Helping Hand
He Cannot Find A Single Sheep
To Draw His Sleigh Through The Night
So All The Waiting Christmas Trees
Gonna Hear The Master Sing

There's No Presents, Not This Christmas
There's No Presents
Tom And Jerry Drinking Sherry
They Don't Give A Damn

Christmas Time Is Here Again
Santa Needs A Helping Hand
It's Getting Very, Very Late
Saint Peter Closed The Golden Gate
And Donald Duck Is Still In Bed
I Wonder Who Is Gonna Help

There's No Presents, Not This Christmas
There's No Presents
Tom And Jerry All That Sherry
They Don't Give A Damn

There's No Presents, Not This Christmas
There's No Presents
Tom And Jerry Still Drinking Sherry
They Don't Give A Damn

I'm Dreaming Of A White Summer"

[Nixxxed]

It's not just the McCartney song. It's all of them. It would be bad enough if it were just the famous standards being played ad nauseum. But then you have different versions by every washed up artist who's ever been allowed into a studio. And the reggae versions. And the techno versions. And then the parody versions the retailers record to match their stupid commercials. And the dumbass dogs and cats barking/mewing "Jingle Bells"...

It's only Dec. 2, and I'm seriously about to open a vein.

[carrie721]

Originally Posted by Nixxxed

It's only Dec. 2, and I'm seriously about to open a vein.

god, me too. i can barely bring myself to walk into the grocery store; the one i go to has been playing xmas songs since long before thanksgiving.

[estranged4life]

Originally Posted by carrie721

god, me too. i can barely bring myself to walk into the grocery store; the one i go to has been playing xmas songs since long before thanksgiving.

as some radio stations in the OKC metro, switch from a regular music format to an 'all Christmas music' format from Thanksgiving Day til Christmas Eve...

I'm sorry, I rather vote for a Bush in 2008 than be subjected to that dung-fest.