I fee like poo. - Page 2

DrummerDeanna · #16 08-22-2006, 04:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skcin

The more I read, it sounds like your mom's kind of mental. Seriously. You can only do so much.

Don't let her guilt you, and don't be hard on youself.

Oh she totally is

Me and my sister have learned that - my sister sooner than I. It's not so much mental as clueless, selfish and well there is an Espinosa dumbening gene...my sister and I are frightened to death of it

Anyway - yeah - the whole thing is ****ty....I'm going to go home and drink.

BTFLCHLD · #17 08-22-2006, 04:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrummerDeanna

My sister wrote this amazing letter stating why she was mad...and if my mom did X then my sister would do Y. So my mom did X. Now my sister's mad...and my mom can't figure out why

Did you sister do Y?

BTFLCHLD · #18 08-22-2006, 04:33 PM

Sorry to read about the family drama...definitely take a break. And, if you can manage it, take a break from both to gain clarity and perhaps an understanding of both sides. My mom is truly one-of-a-kind, and we have had our share of difficulties, but I always come back to knowing she will not be here forever and I don't ever want to be "sorry" for how I may have treated her or reacted to her way of being. Sometimes I just

as "how she is" can't be helped in that she has been "that way" her whole life. Slowly she gets it, but it is a long process.

carrie721 · #19 08-22-2006, 04:34 PM

wow, deanna, that's some effed up shiz. why do mothers act so insane? and how do not insane people come from insane people?

i never understood that one. good luck with all that drama. let us know what happens.

DrummerDeanna · #20 08-22-2006, 04:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BTFLCHLD

Did you sister do Y?

yeah - it was basically a "if you contact this person then there will be consequences..." those include my sister being PISSED and my mom is no longer allowed to take my nephew on her own....looong story....

Quote:

Originally Posted by carrie721

wow, deanna, that's some effed up shiz. why do mothers act so insane? and how do not insane people come from insane people? i never understood that one. good luck with all that drama. let us know what happens.

That's one my sister and I have been trying to figure out for a while. I mean we come from some craaaazy stock

But well I don't think it's a coincidence that the most normal people in the family are the educated ones..namely my sister and me...and a cousin or two....

Good God I hope I don't act as insane and selfish as her

carrie721 · #21 08-22-2006, 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrummerDeanna

That's one my sister and I have been trying to figure out for a while. I mean we come from some craaaazy stock

But well I don't think it's a coincidence that the most normal people in the family are the educated ones..namely my sister and me...and a cousin or two....

Good God I hope I don't act as insane and selfish as her

i spend a lot of time worrying that i'm going to end up like my mother. i think that the less you worry/think about it, the less likely it is to happen, because you're not focusing on somebody else's life. ennnywayz, i do think education is key because you're giving yourself mobility to get away from the craziness.

JazmenFlowers · #22 08-22-2006, 05:13 PM

sorry that so much has gone to ****. I learned a long time ago that you'll never be able to understand why certain family members act the way they do or treat each other the way they do and all it will get you are sleepless nights and anxiety. you can bet your ass they aren't sitting around wondering about this...so why should you?

if they can't get along and your getting **** from both sides, then I say you tell them that your sick of their ****. you have enough problems to deal with as it is and you're not about to tack on their baggage. seriously. it's just not worth it, family or not. I have no tolerance for bull****.

...now, if only I could practice what I preach.

sara1998 · #23 08-22-2006, 07:31 PM

I hate to be the "Debbie Downer" here, but my grandmother was like that, and went to her grave like that. She manipulated my youngest uncle, he was her favorite, because he would ask how high when she yelled jump. When we, (me, mom, oldest uncle) wouldn't budge, she'd get pissy and say that we didn't love her the way the youngest uncle does. Pathetic bull****. She was always sympathetic and would loan you money, but would hold it over your head... "I loaned you money, now you have to say how high when I say jump..." I never asked that woman for one thing. And she hated it because she couldn't manipulate me, because she didn't have anything to hold over my head. I'm sorry about your moms Deanna. I wish I had some great advice, but I don't. I can just tell you that I've been there....

DrummerDeanna · #24 08-22-2006, 07:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sara1998

I hate to be the "Debbie Downer" here, but my grandmother was like that, and went to her grave like that. She manipulated my youngest uncle, he was her favorite, because he would ask how high when she yelled jump. When we, (me, mom, oldest uncle) wouldn't budge, she'd get pissy and say that we didn't love her the way the youngest uncle does. Pathetic bull****. She was always sympathetic and would loan you money, but would hold it over your head... "I loaned you money, now you have to say how high when I say jump..." I never asked that woman for one thing. And she hated it because she couldn't manipulate me, because she didn't have anything to hold over my head. I'm sorry about your moms Deanna. I wish I had some great advice, but I don't. I can just tell you that I've been there....

Oh don't even get me started on my grandma!!

My family is so twisted...but it's just good to know that others have family issues as well - or have been there. I just needed to vent the heck out of today

My mom has 3 brothers and 1 sister - none of them speak to each other - well a couple speak - but they don't speak to the others - depending on the week my grandma isn't talking to at least two of her children....I refuse to be like that with my sister - guess my mom resents that

At this point I'm putting my phone on silent, having a drink and watching Sex and the City (my sister lent me the DVDs!)

jannieC · #25 08-22-2006, 07:45 PM

Deanna, my mom went through a phase of real f*cked-upness. I really had to distance myself from her for a while to gain some perspective. I had a very similar situation- my mother and I eventually found peace with each other but my sister could NOT forgive my mom and I always felt in the middle.

We hear about "toxic" people- your mom sounds like YOUR toxic person, unfortunately. Hopefully a little break will help to make *you* feel better, if nothing else.

irishgrl · #26 08-22-2006, 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrummerDeanna

Good God I hope I don't act as insane and selfish as her

I hate to say this but unless we guard against it zealously (and sometimes IN SPITE OF IT) we turn into our parents.....its what we know. It takes a real concerted effort to change the pattern, and even then, sometimes the pattern overtakes us anyway...the older you get *if you are AWARE!* the more you see it happening...

irishgrl · #27 08-22-2006, 07:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jannieC

Deanna, my mom went through a phase of real f*cked-upness. I really had to distance myself from her for a while to gain some perspective. I had a very similar situation- my mother and I eventually found peace with each other but my sister could NOT forgive my mom and I always felt in the middle.

We hear about "toxic" people- your mom sounds like YOUR toxic person, unfortunately. Hopefully a little break will help to make *you* feel better, if nothing else.

ps: what constitutes "toxic" is a matter of perspective. My daughter is toxic but if you talk to her she says everyone else is.

DrummerDeanna · #28 08-22-2006, 07:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by irishgrl

I hate to say this but unless we guard against it zealously (and sometimes IN SPITE OF IT) we turn into our parents.....its what we know. It takes a real concerted effort to change the pattern, and even then, sometimes the pattern overtakes us anyway...the older you get *if you are AWARE!* the more you see it happening...

Well true as that may be - it certainly is in my mom's case (she is more and more like my grandma daily) my sister and I do guard zealously AND years of therapy will hopefully help out a bit too

irishgrl · #29 08-22-2006, 07:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JazmenFlowers

if they can't get along and your getting **** from both sides, then I say you tell them that your sick of their ****. you have enough problems to deal with as it is and you're not about to tack on their baggage. seriously. it's just not worth it, family or not. I have no tolerance for bull****.

...now, if only I could practice what I preach.

fyi, that is EXACTLY why I am SINGLE. (and I forgot to add: HAPPY)

irishgrl · #30 08-22-2006, 07:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrummerDeanna

Well true as that may be - it certainly is in my mom's case (she is more and more like my grandma daily) my sister and I do guard zealously AND years of therapy will hopefully help out a bit too

well, good luck. but, it will be interesting to see what you have to say when you are say....75 years old....My mom has always been the opposite of my grandma but now that she is over 75, she is really changing. Personally, I think there is more to the "second childhood" phase than people realize. you go back to what you know, what you were brought up with in your formative years, whether you like it or not.......

EDIT: just a note to say that every family is different and every person is different and family dynamics are FLUID. I get frustrated sometimes because Psychologists want to "label" or "categorize" people/situations because it is intellectually easier. But Human Beings are NOT cookie cutter and each situation/family is different. I made a GENERAL observation but by NO MEANS am I saying that what happened in MY family will happen in others' families...