I fee like poo.

[DrummerDeanna]

I had this great weekend only to get slammed with sh*t once I get home.

Allow me to vent...and that's pretty much all this is - a vent session...so forgive me, I am reluctant to write about this on my MySpace blog simply because three of my friends are cousins and this bitchfest could reach the wrong eyes.

So my mom and sister have not been speaking - for months now. I stay out of it - I figure it's not my fight so I don't take sides. My mom and sister have ALWAYS had a rocky relationship - my sister and I are 10 years apart and had very different upbringings...

Anyway. Ok - so this weekend was my sister's birthday so I went to Albuquerque to spend it with her. It's a relatively close drive, whereas my hometown (where my mom lives) is NOT a close drive. So anyway - I get back and my mom calls...all fake, "I'm so glad you were able to go...ok bye."

Sounds fishy so I call back and ask what her deal is and she talks about how I've rejected her by going to Albuquerque, and well she dredged up **** from years ago to throw back in my face (I HATE HATE HATE when people do that.)

Anyway - then she basically says that I can write her off as my mom. Now - ok - this means she is going to go to all of her friends (basically the whole town) and talk about her evil mean daughters who have disowned her.

It pisses me off because she keeps saying, "I don't want to make you choose sides.." But clearly she's mad because I'm not "on her side" And now SHE is making the choice to cut off communication...it's because I went to visit this weekend.

So now I feel like ****, but I'm not apologizing, their fight is not my fight and I've said over and over I don't want to get in the middle - I thought I was doing a pretty good job but no.

Actually I think the underlying issue is extreme jealousy of the relationship my sister and I have. But that, too, is my mom's fault...my sister was largely responsible for raising me - and well we're now close... But instead of beign happy her daughters are close she HATES it and well crap like this ensues.

Anyway....today sucks ass - but I know my problems are small compared to others - I just needed to bitch and get this off my chest.

[strandinthewind]

Wow!!!!

I would write a letter addressed to both of them and explain that you love them both, their drama is their drama, you are not getting in the middle of it by taking sides, and you just hope they work it out soon.

That way, at least you have your position in writing and can haul it out in situations like the one you described.

Good Luck!!!

[skcin]

^ Agreed. A letter would be good. BUT - don't send it right away. reread it after a few days to be sure that you still want to say the things you've written.

That's unfortunate that your mom can't be proud that her kids are so close & supportive of eachother.

[DrummerDeanna]

^^The letter thing has been done.

I failed to mention that my mom does NOT retain information. At all. My sister wrote this amazing letter stating why she was mad...and if my mom did X then my sister would do Y. So my mom did X. Now my sister's mad...and my mom can't figure out why

Seriously - I'm not kidding - she is one of the most maddening people on the planet. You can look at her and say, "I'm going to the mall." Then she'll look right back and say, "oh..are you goign somewhere?"

Seriously - doesn't retain. Is quite selfish....but I know people aren't perfect, she did the best she could blah blah blah....

But apparently trying to defend her selfishness has gotten me nowhere

I've never been disowned...good thing she doesn't give me money

[DavidMn]

Deanna, I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Sometimes family issues can be a real pain in the ass.

[DrummerDeanna]

Originally Posted by DavidMn

Deanna, I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Sometimes family issues can be a real pain in the ass.

Oh you have no idea

Well if my mom wants to alienate the one daughter who is still talking to her - then it's her choice - the sucky part though is I'm going to get completely vilified in the meantime..not that I particularly care what her friends think of me but still....

This probably would be AS bad had I not gotten up at 2 o'clock this morning to drive from Albuquerque back to Greeley. I'm sure my tiredness has something to do with my heightened emotions.

[DavidMn]

Originally Posted by DrummerDeanna

Oh you have no idea

Well if my mom wants to alienate the one daughter who is still talking to her - then it's her choice - the sucky part though is I'm going to get completely vilified in the meantime..not that I particularly care what her friends think of me but still....

This probably would be AS bad had I not gotten up at 2 o'clock this morning to drive from Albuquerque back to Greeley. I'm sure my tiredness has something to do with my heightened emotions.

I know someone who hasnt spoken to her mother for over 15 years. I dont really know the whole situation to be fair, but things must me AWFULLY bad for that to happen.

[estranged4life]

Ya sure your not related to me? Sounds like my teen years at home, when I was the only child at home and my Mom would bring me into her battles with my older brothers. I would get caught in the middle all the damn time...Even worse she would get us boys at each others throats over petty issues.

I'm glad that she slowly realized that we were the only family she had and that all the petty crap was not worth the heartache.

Hehe, hate to say it..But once I intentionally po'd my Mom off to make her learn the lesson that sticking this punk in the middle of her battles wasnt going to work anymore. She didnt speak to me for about 2 months but she did get the message.

[DavidMn]

Originally Posted by estranged4life

Ya sure your not related to me? Sounds like my teen years at home, when I was the only child at home and my Mom would bring me into her battles with my older brothers. I would get caught in the middle all the damn time...Even worse she would get us boys at each others throats over petty issues.

I'm glad that she slowly realized that we were the only family she had and that all the petty crap was not worth the heartache.

Hehe, hate to say it..But once I intentionally po'd my Mom off to make her learn the lesson that sticking this punk in the middle of her battles wasnt going to work anymore. She didnt speak to me for about 2 months but she did get the message.

Children/parent relationships are so interesting sometimes.

[DrummerDeanna]

Originally Posted by estranged4life

Ya sure your not related to me? Sounds like my teen years at home, when I was the only child at home and my Mom would bring me into her battles with my older brothers. I would get caught in the middle all the damn time...Even worse she would get us boys at each others throats over petty issues.

I'm glad that she slowly realized that we were the only family she had and that all the petty crap was not worth the heartache.

Hehe, hate to say it..But once I intentionally po'd my Mom off to make her learn the lesson that sticking this punk in the middle of her battles wasnt going to work anymore. She didnt speak to me for about 2 months but she did get the message.

Well I'm sure I did a pretty good job pissing her off this morning. I stopped short of using one of my favorite lines, "get off the cross honey, someone needs the wood!"

Still I am taking a break from her. I am generally not a fan of not talking to someone when mad, I like to work things out - but in this case it's pretty hard and almost fruitless as she doesn't listen or retain.

[estranged4life]

Originally Posted by DrummerDeanna

Well I'm sure I did a pretty good job pissing her off this morning. I stopped short of using one of my favorite lines, "get off the cross honey, someone needs the wood!"

Still I am taking a break from her. I am generally not a fan of not talking to someone when mad, I like to work things out - but in this case it's pretty hard and almost fruitless as she doesn't listen or retain.

when I'm pissed I won't speak...I do however, shoot laser beams from my eyes, hunt down people name Sara Connor, tear skin from my exo-skeleton and say in a bad Austrian accent "I'll be Back".

As for pissing my Mom off, I mastered it since I am the youngest child and was closest to my Mom. So I easily knew how to push her buttons, and when I saw the opportunity to push those buttons ya damn well better believe I took it...Maybe somewhat over-the-top, but it accomplished the message I wanted to send.

[SuzeQuze]

Sh*t Deanna, your mother is so out of line. You're so horrible because you didn't drive a whole day to see her? Well, if she were speaking to your sister you could've met halfway, at her house. Or, if she really wanted to see you and not just be vindictive she could have driven to your sister's town and gotten a motel room.

Seriously, you can't drive 12 hours on a weekend, or however long it is. There just isn't time! And who cares what she says to her friends, they must know she's loopy! Sorry, but she's just being totally irrational.

I hate when my mother gets crazy, it usually has to do with my father who she is divorced from, and I have to repeat "Take it up with him." over and over. It still doesn't get through.

Taking a break is a perfect idea, and maybe not a letter but journal-writing, and then talk when you're ready. I hate this manipulative guilt-trip BS.

[skcin]

The more I read, it sounds like your mom's kind of mental. Seriously. You can only do so much. Don't let her guilt you, and don't be hard on youself.

[SuzeQuze]

Originally Posted by estranged4life

...
As for pissing my Mom off, I mastered it since I am the youngest child and was closest to my Mom. So I easily knew how to push her buttons, and when I saw the opportunity to push those buttons ya damn well better believe I took it...Maybe somewhat over-the-top, but it accomplished the message I wanted to send.

I did this to my Mom when I was in college cuz with my psych classes I was getting a little big for my britches. But it ultimately made me feel terrible to win all the time so I stopped - finally accepting her for the mad woman she is.

[SuzeQuze]

Originally Posted by skcin

The more I read, it sounds like your mom's kind of mental. Seriously. You can only do so much. Don't let her guilt you, and don't be hard on youself.

I really wish you would say what you think and stop beating around the bush!