Marriage/relationships

[sparky]

Originally Posted by skcin

^ What's cool is that you guys are so comfortable with yourselves and happy in your lives, you may not ever feel the need for a long term relationship that will last until you die. You're not saying "well, gettin' older, I'd better find someone (ie - anyone) to settle down with..." And thank God for that - why should you? You'd probably just end up a statistic for doing it for the wrong reasons.

There is that. And for that I am grateful. Of course there are nagging questions that rear up from time to time. Have you ever seen that cartoon t-shirt of the panicked weeping woman with the bubble above her head that says,"Oh my god ! I forgot to have children !" ?

I have often wondered if that won't be me, except it's a Sparky head saying "Oh my god ! I forgot to find a dude !"

On the flip side, if I ever do decide to make a committment, I am old enough now that I could likely die before I get really sick of someone.

[DrummerDeanna]

I think a lot of people use kids as pawns in relationships.

Several years ago my nephew was in a high-end private pre-school. The women my sister met through there..SCARY and sad.

They all married into mega money and had at the minimum three children. Why? Well a couple of them told my sister that once there are three or more children the husband won't leave because the alimony/child support would break him - so it's cheaper for him to stay. Basically these women felt they had to do this in order to keep their wealthy husbands. Sick and sad.

As a result most (not all but most) of the kids were a mess and were mean and just not pleasant at all (much like their parents!)

[Mad4stevie]

Speaking as a former divorce and custody attorney . . . .

People usually get divorced in the first two years, or after 15 or so.

The main reasons?

1. Lack of effective communication (whether about finances, sex or the kids)
2. Addictions (alcohol, drugs, work, gambling, etc.)
3. Expected marriage to "fix" them or their partner's problems
4. Got married too young, before they knew who they were and what they needed to be happy
5. Wanted instant gratification - marriage = instant security; divorce = instant (supposedly) end to obligations to the other person

I heard the same thing over and over again from clients.

My personal opinion is that people do not appreciate the commitment that marriage is supposed to entail. My parents have been married 35 years. I want to get married only once, which is why I am still unmarried and why I called off my wedding six years ago (we would have ended up divorced for sure).

At the same time, I do not condone staying in a marriage that is abusive in any way. I think there is a fine line - with the emergence of "self-help" books, shows, etc. people are more aware that they don't have to take crap from someone else, and as a result, they become empowered. Feeling empowered can lead to good or bad (rash) choices. Sometimes it motivates to confront the problems that are present in the relationship, other times it could lead someone to just say "f-it, I am outta here" without trying to work through the issues in the relationship.