Marriage/relationships - Page 2

seeker007nmss · #16 08-15-2006, 03:31 PM

I am single, over 40 (Why this age is seen as the "If your not married by 40, There must be something very wrong with you" I don't know). Sorry, I want Miss Right, Not Miss right now. I am also one of the few NOT divorced or on their 5th spouse. While I am not against marriage, I would prefer to be single than put up with some of the crap people put up with on a daily basis just to have "anyone". Oh well...

Here's a comfy kitty:

BTFLCHLD · #17 08-15-2006, 04:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seeker007nmss

Here's a comfy kitty:

fyi...my kitty likes your kitty.

amber · #18 08-15-2006, 04:02 PM

Um. I think the reasons mentioned are pretty much it. But I also don't think people are meant to be monogomous. Some people like it, but mostly it's hard.
Because once you've heard everything your signifigant other has to say, and you guys totally take each other for granted and don't pay attention to each other and treat everyone else as if they are more interesting than the person you are with - well, that is so boring. Then, you stop having sex hardly at all, which is the worst.

I don't think it is as strange that marriages don't last now as I think it's strange that some still do. There are many soul crushing aspects of marriage, IMO. You really have to be a special couple to have your lives remain interesting with each other. And if someone thinks you are boring, and if you think they are - and you try but can find no real enthusiasm or passion with them - why should you stay married? You can only try as hard as you can. And you certainly can't totally change the way you feel. It's just cruel to each other to stay married if neither of you likes it.

As a matter of fact, I think marriage is a pretty outdated concept. It's either been tied to religion or to blend property and both, usually. I mean, I don't need to be joined under "God" to validate me staying with someone. I can make a commitment without that. And I think it royally sucks that I would have to get married for the other person and I to get tax breaks.
Obviously I think you should do all you feel like doing to keep your relationship strong and vital. I just think it is bad to settle for less for years and years. Rough spots should be a time to grow to better spots.

wondergirl9847 · #19 08-15-2006, 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrummerDeana

...then in front of all the women he decided to feed his snake.

PLEASE tell me that is not a euphemism.

DavidMn · #20 08-15-2006, 04:18 PM

Well, with regards to my situation, after my aunt died whom I was very close to, I think I tried too hard to replace that. Not exactly the right reason to seek someone out.

DrummerDeanna · #21 08-15-2006, 04:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wondergirl9847

PLEASE tell me that is not a euphemism.

It's not - he literally fed a real snake a live mouse. And chose a time when his house was full of his fiances closest friends and family. A lovely man, indeed.

jannieC · #22 08-15-2006, 07:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amber

Um. I think the reasons mentioned are pretty much it. But I also don't think people are meant to be monogomous. Some people like it, but mostly it's hard.
Because once you've heard everything your signifigant other has to say, and you guys totally take each other for granted and don't pay attention to each other and treat everyone else as if they are more interesting than the person you are with - well, that is so boring. Then, you stop having sex hardly at all, which is the worst.

I have issues with this. Not issues with you pointing it out, but issues with wondering whether that's really true or not. Sometimes I really do wonder. You can only sustain that crazy passion for so long and then truthfully, it ("it" being sex) becomes different. But while it's not ever going to be as good as it was in the beginning, it's good in different ways. I can't imagine being in the thrall of a new relationship...permanently. I would be sick to my stomach and never sleep or eat!

Jeff and I have been together for 12 years so far and truthfully, he never bores me. We still crack up together and even though we've been through times where we've wanted to kill each other, sat in marriage counseling, etc., I cannot imagine my life without him. Do I ever wonder what it would be like to have that massive passion overwhelm thing going on with someone else? Sometimes, but it's not worth the risk of losing what I have with Jeff.

I used to think that once the passion is gone, it's over. Surely you can't rekindle. But that's totally not true. We've had some rough spots where I would have rather eaten glass than have sex. But once we worked our way through the bull****, everything came back again- yay!

Ok, enough of me. How about YOU? lol

sara1998 · #23 08-15-2006, 08:17 PM

I totally enjoyed being married. And, when it was good, it was very good. Every marriage has it's ups and downs. Mine was no exception. Granted, we were only together for 5 years, married 2 1/2, we never got sick of eachother. We always had something to talk about, sex was always great... even our friends knew it was a great relationship. One of my friends shouted out in an argument with her ex boyfriend, "why can't we be more like Maria and Jason???" haha... Also, I wouldn't marry Jason because I had his kid. She was almost 2 before we decided to marry, for eachother, not her. I do not enjoy being single, but I refuse to settle, just for the sake of being married. It's not fair to me, Sara, or the other person. I do want to remarry eventually, because I'm not the type to go have multiple partners, not because I think it's wrong, because it's uncomfortable for me. I would much rather be in a monogamous relationship for a long while or a lifetime, then jump around constantly. It's not stable enough for me.

estranged4life · #24 08-15-2006, 08:18 PM

in my marriage when all my family have failed in previous marriages is a mystery to me. I dont have any clue to how Deb can tolerate me, she must be a miracle worker because I can be rather difficult in some of my ways (Deb's a Southern belle-I'm the Devil's child

) and I the older I get the more PO'd I have become at the world.

I have noticed the past few years that she has started to see life in a similar way that I have, so maybe I have rubbed off on her (Poor woman-Tsk, tsk, tsk...

)

We never have arguements about silly petty **** since her bout with cancer, life is too damn precious to let lil' **** rain down upon yer parade.

SuzeQuze · #25 08-15-2006, 09:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skcin

^ Oh I've had friends say "I have to meet someone because I want to get married before I'm 35." WTF?

You can't force love, IMO.

Yeah, it's some kind of cutoff age and I'm feeling alot of pressure and sadness about it. But I just haven't met the right person.

People really do focus on the wedding so much nowadays. The industry is so lucrative and the bridal magazines are full of all of these expensive things that no one needs. I was going to get married once and thought I had to do all of that. But if and when I ever do get married there is no way. I'm going to do something simpler.

I don't know why it is such a shock that these two split. They seemed mismatched right off except she claimed to be so much in love. But she was just a baby! And he is not exactly as successful as her which can be difficult for a man's ego. Famous people's marriages have a lot more stressors on them than average folks' marriages.

We should never model our relationships on theirs because they are crazy. The stresses of travel, all that money, all the attention, it is too much for most relationships. That and, as people have said, you can just give up if you feel like it. If you're bored.

Although some relationships can be worked at and worked at but they'll never be right. It's a shame but it is true. We are all only human and can only do so much. Especially when the other won't do anything different. I got myself sick over trying to make a relationship work. So now I am still single because I will never do that again. It has to be right.

BTFLCHLD · #26 08-15-2006, 09:52 PM

This thread is just the depressant I need. I do still believe in love.

seeker007nmss · #27 08-15-2006, 10:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BTFLCHLD

fyi...my kitty likes your kitty.

That's one cute kitty!

BTFLCHLD · #28 08-15-2006, 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seeker007nmss

That's one cute kitty!

Yeah, you shouldn't find her too hard to resist.

JazmenFlowers · #29 08-15-2006, 10:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jannieC

We've had some rough spots where I would have rather eaten glass than have sex. But once we worked our way through the bull****, everything came back again- yay!

damn girl...them was some REAL rough spots eh?

glad you guys worked it out.

TwistedGypsy · #30 08-15-2006, 10:22 PM

What a great topic to get into. Right now I'm in the longest realtionship I've had. Damian and I will have been together for 2 years Oct. 6th. I'd say things moved rather quick for us. We have a 5 month old son and have been engaged since May 14th. But I truly feel this is who I am supposed to be with. Even though some things he does irritates the Hell out of me, but so does everyone else.

I agree with what Paula said about the wedding being such a big deal these days. Damian and I both don't care to have a big wedding with all the trimmings, cause to us thats not what is most important. Of course we want a wedding though to share that moment with family and friends, not just to show off. I can't stand these "Bridezillas" who think its MY DAY! I want to ring their F***ing neck and say you are the reason why divorce is at 50%! I truly hope that when we do marry it does last till death. And if something does happen I know we will try our hardest to work through it.