Nightmare Weekend - Page 2

strandinthewind · #16 07-25-2006, 03:50 PM

I'd dump him faster than you can say it.

His shiitte would be on the street.

foxyluva · #17 07-25-2006, 03:50 PM

Aww, poor David

I think you should stick to your original agreement and terminate the relationship - if you stick around now, he may realise he can do anything and you will still be there for him. He needs a good dose of reality....

sparky · #18 07-25-2006, 04:10 PM

What a bummer. Sorry to hear this.

What is it Dan Savage says ?

DTMFA.

(Dump The MotherF*cker Already)

Johnny Stew · #19 07-25-2006, 04:10 PM

My heart goes out to you, David. I know it's much easier said than done, but I think for your own good... and his... you should walk away just like you told him you would.

Bad analogy, I know, but it's like threatening a child that you'll take away their favorite toy if they don't behave. If they come to realize that you only ever threaten and never really take the toy away at all, then they won't have any reason to behave.
So I think that if Derek sees he can go back to meth and yet you'll still stay with him anyway, then he'll learn that he can use you to fall back on and won't have the proper level of motivation to stay clean.

Whatever you choose to do, you have the support of your friends here.

DavidMn · #20 07-25-2006, 06:46 PM

The thing is he's not a violent person. Like I said, I did some dumb things too. Right after we met and started going out I messed around with a couple other guys I used to have a regular thing going with. He didnt give me the boot then, so that makes it doubly hard. I thought it was important to share that because I didnt want to give the impreession that I was talking from my high horse so to speak. We had a "Talk" today and it was civil. I reminded him of what I said before about not living with a drug user, that he could ruin his life but not mine. What I'm really struggling with right now is the issue of forgiveness. I mean it's really hard to get out of my head what he did to me, especially when he hit me while I was trying to drive. I've been talking to my therapist lately about another issue and that's that I'm terribly afraid of being alone ever since my great aunt died 2 years ago. SO that factors into things too. HOw lovely, my crazy F***ED up life.

DavidMn · #21 07-25-2006, 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by David

Dave, I'm sorry to hear about your really crappy weekend. But I must say that your post about it was the most animated post you have ever made on this forum. There was more personality & emotion in this single post than in all your other posts combined, which is what made it so amazing to me. It showed a side of you that quite frankly I had no idea existed (& assumed didn't).

So I hope next weekend is better for you!

edit: Holy ****! You got a shiner, too?!

Well, I'm actually kind of proud of that. I like to view myself as a fairly mild mannered person. No controversy here, sort of.

DavidMn · #22 07-25-2006, 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amber

I'm very sorry, David.

But the best part is that he said he's thinking of going back into treatment. Maybe you can say "you better do more than think about it" and then if he goes that will be good. I'm suprised you couldn't tell he's been doing it? I guess he wasn't doing it regularly? I thought you guys spent a lot of time together. But then, you did ask him.

We do actually, but he was able to do it right under my nose.

gldstwmn · #23 07-25-2006, 07:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Patti

Aw David, I'm sorry to hear that. As I was reading your story, I was thinking "this guy's more than just drunk".

I was thinking the same thing.

DavidMn · #24 07-25-2006, 07:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gldstwmn

I was thinking the same thing.

I swear I wouldnt have believed any of it if I didnt see it with my own 2 eyes.

gldstwmn · #25 07-25-2006, 07:26 PM

Unfortunately the drugs are alwys going to be the most important thing as long as he is using them. I think you have to consider what is best for you at this point.

DavidMn · #26 07-25-2006, 07:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gldstwmn

Unfortunately the drugs are alwys going to be the most important thing as long as he is using them. I think you have to consider what is best for you at this point.

and for my left eye.

Geez I can even laugh at something like that...

strandinthewind · #27 07-25-2006, 07:31 PM

Messing around when your relationship is brand new (esp. for guys) is WILDLY different than goinf back to meth. You be wise not to comnpare the two. Plus, a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. Thus, the beating he gave you was liely on his sober mind and was the meth seeing you as a threat.

In any event, I would run and not walk away. If he gets clean and sober, then think about whether it is worth it to take him back. But, actions scream where words whisper.

DavidMn · #28 07-25-2006, 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by strandinthewind

Messing around when your relationship is brand new (esp. for guys) is WILDLY different than goinf back to meth. You be wise not to comnpare the two. Plus, a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. Thus, the beating he gave you was liely on his sober mind and was the meth seeing you as a threat.

In any event, I would run and not walk away. If he gets clean and sober, then think about whether it is worth it to take him back. But, actions scream where words whisper.

Oh and I'm not trying to balem myself for what happened, but I just wanted to be fair I guess.

madformac · #29 07-25-2006, 07:35 PM

You have my sympathies David. I was only thinking the other day after your thread, how ironic and unfair if the worst case scenario happened. And here we are.. Fate huh?

I'm not much good at relationship advice but I think in a situation like this you would probably welcome as many views as you can so i'll do my best here.

The key issue, the absolute issue for me is this. He could have killed somebody through his substance abuse. He could have killed himself but even worse he could have caused you to go off the road and hit who knows what, or who. It may have been a one off but in this type of situation its one time too many. He needs professional help David. Obviously Derek is aware of his problem but as has been mentioned, only he can do something about it. If you don't kick him out or leave then this will happen again, it always does. There will be a period of clean living followed by a relapse. Why? well because he will know he can get away with it.

Derek needs treatment and you need to make it clear that promises were made and broken. Its gonna hurt you like hell to finish this but it will hurt you more in the long run if you don't. Drug abuse wrecks lives, not just the user but everyone around them suffers. He needs to follow his own path here. Either he will see this as a wake up call and sort himself out properly, or he won't and he will have to deal with the consequences. If he cleans up properly, maybe you can work something out in the future, if he doesn't he is gonna take you down with him.

You have to push him into a choice for his own good to make a life change and just as importantly your trust has been betrayed and how the hell do you know now that he is telling the truth if he says he is clean? Do you want to be thinking about it every time you talk to him? You can't live your life looking for signs of if he is clean or not, checking his things, wondering where he is, who he is with. It will wear you down man. You don't deserve that.

Of course we can all sit here and type this stuff. Only you can make that choice. Just look at all the angles first. If he stays you must be prepared for the worse scenarios too.

Good luck with your choice dude, it won't be easy.

gldstwmn · #30 07-25-2006, 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DavidMn

Oh and I'm not trying to balem myself for what happened, but I just wanted to be fair I guess.

"What's fair anymore? Nothing is fair in love and war..."