Things You'll Never See at a FM Concert

[SoundBoyBrad]

Hi,

I remember a few years back (2 or 3) that I received an e-mail attachment from a friend of "Things You'll Never See at a Fleetwood Mac Concert." It had some of the funniest things I've ever read on it, but they all pretty much escape my mind at the moment. However, with the recent crash of my computer, I lost it and was wondering if any of you had it or knew where I could find it again. Thanks so much!!

Brad

[StevieNicksEO17]

Ohhh...Damn I'm good!


30 THINGS YOU WILL NEVER SEE OR HEAR AT A FLEETWOOD MAC CONCERT...

1. Lindsey and Stevie crowd surfing
2. Lindsey saying..."You know, I don't feel like doing a poem tonight!"
3. Lindsey debuting his new rap song...Stevie is my Bitch.
4. Lindsey saying...."Kick a little higher, Stevie. I haven't counted all your pubic hairs yet!"
5. Chris suddenly running away from her keyboard towards John yelling "Oh! What a fool I've been!"
6. Lindsey telling the crowd..."Stevie sucks at singing Landslide, so I'd like to bring out Kristen to sing the song with me!"
7. Mick suddenly running from his drum kit towards Stevie yelling "Oh! What a fool I've been!"
8. Lindsey donning psychedelic colors, putting his guitar on the floor, setting it on fire and kneeling over it waving his fingers as the flame grows.
9. Lindsey turning to Stevie and saying..."You know, you need to loosen up. I don't think you're being theatrical enough!"
10 Lindsey suddenly dropping his guitar and running towards Chris yelling "Oh, What a fool I've been!"
11. Lindsey suddenly telling the crowd..."Black bores me, I'm not gonna wear it anymore!"
12. Stevie suddenly telling the crowd..."These platform Reeboks bore me, I'm not gonna wear them anymore!"
13. Mick suddenly telling the crowd..."Clothes bore me, I'm not gonna wear them anymore!"
14. Chris reveals she's not really British and starts speaking with a Brooklyn accent.
15 John reveals he's not really British and starts making dolphin sounds.
16. Lindsey and Don Henley sing a duet together.
17 Stevie and Kristen singing a duet together.
18 Kristen actually singing well enough to be able to sing a duet with Stevie
19. Lindsey saying to Stevie..."Let's do a duet together Stevie, I'll play my big guitar while you play my little guitar! (ZIIIIIIIP)
20. Lindsey telling the crowd..."We decided not to sing tonight, instead we're all gonna have an orgy!"
21. Lindsey telling the crowd...." You know, even though you are all here for Stevie. I love you guys anyway!"
22. During Tusk, Lindsey whips out Stevie's breasts and beats on them like bongo drums.
23. Before beginning Big Love, Lindsey screams into the microphone..."**** cycles! Nobody's grown or changed! We're still as selfish as we've ever been!"
24. During Stand Back Lindsey remains on stage. When Stevie sings No one looked as I walked by...Lindsey suddenly turns to her and says "Whoa, Stevie I didn't see you walk by me!"
25. During the landslide kiss...Lindsey suddenly says..."Do you know you have a piece of food caught in your teeth, Stevie?"
26. Stevie suddenly screaming out in the middle of the show..."Do you know all those rumors about me being a witch? THEY'RE ALL TRUE!" (rising into the air and levitating above the crowd as lightning bolts come from her fingertips) "I HAVE THE POWER!!!"
27. When Stevie has her back to the audience during a song, Lindsey tells her..."Audience is this way, dumbass!"
28. During a song, Stevie runs to Chris and leans on her keyboard saying..."Will you look at that ass on Lindsey? What a piece of man meat!"
29. Everyone suddenly lines up and begins singing Bye Bye Bye as they dance in unison

And the last thing you'll never see or hear at a Fleetwood Mac concert?...

MOSH PIT!!!!!

MORE THINGS YOU WILL NEVER SEE OR HEAR AT A FLEETWOOD MAC CONCERT...

1. Before singing My Little Demon, Lindsey goes over to Stevie and slaps some fake devil horns on her head and shoves a little pitchfork in her hand.
2. When Stevie is singing Landslide and gets to...Till the landslide brought me down, Lindsey turns to her and says...Speaking of landslides, I had the runs really bad the other night! Man, I was on the toilet for hours!
3. Instead of closing the show with Songbird, Chris plays chopsticks on the piano instead.
4. When Stevie spins around during Gold Dust Woman, Lindsey stares at her and yells. AUNTIE EM, UNCLE HENRY! IT'S A TWISTER! IT'S A TWISTER!
5. During Go Insane, Lindsey decides to play the song exactly like he used to so he goes and sticks his finger in a light socket.
6. During Big Love, Lindsey forces Stevie to swish her skirts back and forth while standing in front of a mirror to show her just how retarded she looks.
7. When Chris calls John up to sing vocals on Say You Love Me...Instead of being shy about it, John jumps up and lands on his knees immediately launching into an operatic version of the song.
8. During Tusk, Lindsey pulls out a little makeup bag and starts applying black eye shadow.
9. Bored with his all black stage outfits, Lindsey appears at one show dressed as Tinky Winky.
10. At the end of Say That You Love Me, Mick looks over at Stevie beside him and says...Stevie, You've stirred my manhood! Fancy a Shag?
11. Lindsey immediately says...Yeah, Stevie. Go ahead and screw Mick. He's earned it!
12. As Lindsey recites his poem, Stevie stands behind him making gagging noises.
13 As Lindsey plays the banjo on Say You Love Me, three hillbillies and a pig jump up on stage and begin a hoedown.
14. As Stevie puts on her shawl during Gold Dust Woman, Lindsey hands her a cane and a rocking chair.
15. Desperate to win the fans over, Lindsey dresses in Stevie's dresses and pumps and don's a huge blonde wig while performing
16. During Stand Back, Lindsey, John, Mick and Chris stand behind Stevie and dance like the dancers in the video.
17.During Stevie's songs, Lindsey stands beside her holding up cardboard signs with the meanings of what she's actually singing about.
18. As Lindsey launches into another long explanation about something, Stevie makes snoring noises into her microphone.
19. During Silver Springs as Stevie is singing You'll never get away...Lindsey runs off the stage and through the crowd screaming...I'M GETTING AWAY, STEVIE! STOP ME!!
20. In between songs, Lindsey drives Stevie crazy by standing next to her and saying..."Tell me, was Don a good lay? Was Jimmy? Are they better than me? Tell me I want to know every detail! Spill the beans, Nicks!"
21. Lindsey sings every song sounding like Cartman from South Park
22. Instead of standing still during Big Love, Lindsey does the song using interpretive dance.
23. Every time Stevie sings one of her songs, Lindsey stands beside her and says..."Is this song about me? HUH? ANSWER ME!"
24. During Silver Springs, Lindsey keeps flashing condoms.
25. During the songs, Lindsey keeps shouting at the males in the front row..."QUIT STARING AT MY WOMAN'S KNOCKERS!"
26. After they finish a song Lindsey decides to take a poll to see if the audience would like to hear another song or see Stevie give him a blow job.
27. When Stevie does a kick, Lindsey props her leg up and kneels down in front of her staring intently at her crotch.
28. Every 5 minutes, Lindsey walks over to Stevie and gooses her.

And last but not least!....

Lindsey puts on one glove and some rhinestone socks and begins to moonwalk across the stage singing Beat It!

EVEN MORE THINGS YOU'LL NEVER SEE OR HEAR AT A FLEETWOOD MAC CONCERT...

1. Lindsey turns to Stevie and says..."Gee Stevie you aren't singing very well..Can I offer you something with caffeine in it? Coke? Pepsi?"
2. Lindsey attaches a little mirror to his shoe and stands directly behind Stevie staring down at it.
3. During Hold Me, Lindsey shoves Stevie onto a chaise lounge and begins to paint her.
4. Lindsey makes the announcement that he is going to do the songs as written from now on because his interpretations suck.
5. Lindsey grabs Stevie's shawl during Gold Dust Woman and throws it over his head...He raises and lowers it yelling "PEEK A BOO!"
6. Before each song begins, Lindsey screams out..."I'M THE ONE THAT MADE THIS SONG A SUCCESS!"
7. During the songs, Lindsey constantly bothers Stevie by suggesting she should sing the songs in a skin tight cat suit.
8. When Stevie goes to Lindsey and watches him playing guitar during Landslide, Lindsey stops playing and says.."DO YOU MIND? There is such a thing as personal space, you know!"
9. During the emotional parts of Silver Springs, Lindsey brings out a box of Chicken McNuggets and eats them with his mouth open and staring at Stevie with wide eyes.
10. During Stevie's songs, Lindsey stands beside her with a sign around his neck that says...ARTIST IN NEED OF FAN ADORATION
11. Lindsey starts introducing Stevie as Massive Jugs Nicks.
12 Stevie starts introducing Lindsey as Massive Ego Buckingham.
13. Everyone starts introducing John as Doesn't Do Much Except Play The Bass McVie.
14. When Lindsey sings Damn your love, Damn your lies during the chain, Stevie's eyes widen and she points at Lindsey screaming YOU JUST SAID A DIRTY WORD! YOU'LL BURN IN HELL!
15. Desperate for attention, Chris climbs up on her piano and begins to tap dance.
16. During Hold Me, Stevie throws sand on Lindsey yelling...IT'S A SAND STORM LINDS! TAKE SHELTER!
17. During Stand Back, Lindsey dons a black shroud and spins around and around as Stevie sings.
18. To throw everyone off, Lindsey starts mixing up the verses of the songs on purpose
19. During Stevie's songs Lindsey saunters over to John and pretends to whisper in his ear as he points at her ass...then acts innocent when Stevie gives him a look.
20. Every time Stevie sings Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night...Lindsey rings two bells on either side of her head.
21. During the beginning of Tusk, Lindsey dons khaki shorts and shirt and a pith helmet and grabs Stevie screaming..."OH MY GOD, LISTEN TO THE DRUMS! THE NATIVES ARE GETTING RESTLESS!"
22. During Gypsy, Lindsey runs offstage and comes back in his forties costume..grabs Stevie and begins to give her a hickey as she sings.
23. At one point during the show, Lindsey rips off Stevie's clothes and then his own and reenacts the Buckingham Nicks album cover.
24. Instead of his usual poem, Lindsey recites Mary Had A Little Lamb instead
25. As Chris sings Songbird, Stevie convinced she can do it better, begins to drown her out.
26. Lindsey sings to Stevie during Don't Stop...Every time he says Don't Stop, he makes it sound pornographic.
27. Lindsey brings a chain on during The Chain...every time Stevies says I can still hear you saying...we will never break the chain, Lindsey offers her one end of the chain and says "Wanna Try Breaking it?"
28. Every time John, Mick and Chris come on stage, Lindsey points at them and yells..."THE BRITISH ARE COMING, THE BRITISH ARE COMING!"
29. After spending a day with his kids, Lindsey gets mixed up and plays Old MacDonald had a Farm in concert.

and the last thing...

Lindsey begins to do the full Monty for Stevie!

[wondergirl9847]

22. During Tusk, Lindsey whips out Stevie's breasts and beats on them like bongo drums.

Are you trying to tell me they didn't do this at any of the other shows?

[estranged4life]

Originally Posted by StevieNicksEO17

And the last thing you'll never see or hear at a Fleetwood Mac concert?...

MOSH PIT!!!!!

mainly cause those wusses up front would get their head's squashed like a cantelope by those of us who are veterans of "the Pit"

But I can honestly say I have headbanged at a few FM shows

[ontheEdgeof17]

Originally Posted by StevieNicksEO17

23. Before beginning Big Love, Lindsey screams into the microphone..."**** cycles! Nobody's grown or changed! We're still as selfish as we've ever been!"


8. During Tusk, Lindsey pulls out a little makeup bag and starts applying black eye shadow.

14. As Stevie puts on her shawl during Gold Dust Woman, Lindsey hands hera cane and a rocking chair.

18. As Lindsey launches into another long explanation about something, Stevie makes snoring noises into her microphone.


11. Lindsey starts introducing Stevie as Massive Jugs Nicks.
12 Stevie starts introducing Lindsey as Massive Ego Buckingham.

15. Desperate for attention, Chris climbs up on her piano and begins to tap dance.

These are classic

[SoundBoyBrad]

That's them!! Thanks so much!!!!

Brad

[Jyqm]

Something missing from all these lists: The band playing new arrangements of songs, or altering their setlists, ever.

[estranged4life]

Originally Posted by Jyqm

Something missing from all these lists: The band playing new arrangements of songs, or altering their setlists, ever.

are the same chances as the US 'finally' finding the WMD's, ALL Muslim extremist dumping their religion to become Southern Baptist, Jesus Christ finally returning and PO-ing those religious folk by releasing a hardcore "Gangsta rap album" & and Stevie kicking Linds' in the "nether-region" and demanding that FM immediately plays death-metal so she can "mosh it up"...In other words I dont see that happenin' anytime soon

[77Rumours77]

4. Lindsey saying...."Kick a little higher, Stevie. I haven't counted all your pubic hairs yet!"

12. Stevie suddenly telling the crowd..."These platform Reeboks bore me, I'm not gonna wear them anymore!"

Please?????

13 As Lindsey plays the banjo on Say You Love Me, three hillbillies and a pig jump up on stage and begin a hoedown.

Don't you mean Ashlee Simpson?

26. Lindsey sings to Stevie during Don't Stop...Every time he says Don't Stop, he makes it sound pornographic

LOL ROTF

[HomerMcvie]

Lindsey and Don Henley sing a duet together.

But they DID, on Don's "Building the Perfect Beast" album.

[dissention]

Originally Posted by StevieNicksEO17

4. When Stevie spins around during Gold Dust Woman, Lindsey stares at her and yells. AUNTIE EM, UNCLE HENRY! IT'S A TWISTER! IT'S A TWISTER!

LMAO!

[GypsySorcerer]

Originally Posted by Jyqm

Something missing from all these lists: The band playing new arrangements of songs, or altering their setlists, ever.

That, and Mick skipping his drum solo.

[GODDESS6]

Originally Posted by StevieNicksEO17

Ohhh...Damn I'm good!


30 THINGS YOU WILL NEVER SEE OR HEAR AT A FLEETWOOD MAC CONCERT...

1. Lindsey and Stevie crowd surfing
2. Lindsey saying..."You know, I don't feel like doing a poem tonight!"
3. Lindsey debuting his new rap song...Stevie is my Bitch.
4. Lindsey saying...."Kick a little higher, Stevie. I haven't counted all your pubic hairs yet!"
5. Chris suddenly running away from her keyboard towards John yelling "Oh! What a fool I've been!"
6. Lindsey telling the crowd..."Stevie sucks at singing Landslide, so I'd like to bring out Kristen to sing the song with me!"
7. Mick suddenly running from his drum kit towards Stevie yelling "Oh! What a fool I've been!"
8. Lindsey donning psychedelic colors, putting his guitar on the floor, setting it on fire and kneeling over it waving his fingers as the flame grows.
9. Lindsey turning to Stevie and saying..."You know, you need to loosen up. I don't think you're being theatrical enough!"
10 Lindsey suddenly dropping his guitar and running towards Chris yelling "Oh, What a fool I've been!"
11. Lindsey suddenly telling the crowd..."Black bores me, I'm not gonna wear it anymore!"
12. Stevie suddenly telling the crowd..."These platform Reeboks bore me, I'm not gonna wear them anymore!"
13. Mick suddenly telling the crowd..."Clothes bore me, I'm not gonna wear them anymore!"
14. Chris reveals she's not really British and starts speaking with a Brooklyn accent.
15 John reveals he's not really British and starts making dolphin sounds.
16. Lindsey and Don Henley sing a duet together.
17 Stevie and Kristen singing a duet together.
18 Kristen actually singing well enough to be able to sing a duet with Stevie
19. Lindsey saying to Stevie..."Let's do a duet together Stevie, I'll play my big guitar while you play my little guitar! (ZIIIIIIIP)
20. Lindsey telling the crowd..."We decided not to sing tonight, instead we're all gonna have an orgy!"
21. Lindsey telling the crowd...." You know, even though you are all here for Stevie. I love you guys anyway!"
22. During Tusk, Lindsey whips out Stevie's breasts and beats on them like bongo drums.
23. Before beginning Big Love, Lindsey screams into the microphone..."**** cycles! Nobody's grown or changed! We're still as selfish as we've ever been!"
24. During Stand Back Lindsey remains on stage. When Stevie sings No one looked as I walked by...Lindsey suddenly turns to her and says "Whoa, Stevie I didn't see you walk by me!"
25. During the landslide kiss...Lindsey suddenly says..."Do you know you have a piece of food caught in your teeth, Stevie?"
26. Stevie suddenly screaming out in the middle of the show..."Do you know all those rumors about me being a witch? THEY'RE ALL TRUE!" (rising into the air and levitating above the crowd as lightning bolts come from her fingertips) "I HAVE THE POWER!!!"
27. When Stevie has her back to the audience during a song, Lindsey tells her..."Audience is this way, dumbass!"
28. During a song, Stevie runs to Chris and leans on her keyboard saying..."Will you look at that ass on Lindsey? What a piece of man meat!"
29. Everyone suddenly lines up and begins singing Bye Bye Bye as they dance in unison

And the last thing you'll never see or hear at a Fleetwood Mac concert?...

MOSH PIT!!!!!

MORE THINGS YOU WILL NEVER SEE OR HEAR AT A FLEETWOOD MAC CONCERT...

1. Before singing My Little Demon, Lindsey goes over to Stevie and slaps some fake devil horns on her head and shoves a little pitchfork in her hand.
2. When Stevie is singing Landslide and gets to...Till the landslide brought me down, Lindsey turns to her and says...Speaking of landslides, I had the runs really bad the other night! Man, I was on the toilet for hours!
3. Instead of closing the show with Songbird, Chris plays chopsticks on the piano instead.
4. When Stevie spins around during Gold Dust Woman, Lindsey stares at her and yells. AUNTIE EM, UNCLE HENRY! IT'S A TWISTER! IT'S A TWISTER!
5. During Go Insane, Lindsey decides to play the song exactly like he used to so he goes and sticks his finger in a light socket.
6. During Big Love, Lindsey forces Stevie to swish her skirts back and forth while standing in front of a mirror to show her just how retarded she looks.
7. When Chris calls John up to sing vocals on Say You Love Me...Instead of being shy about it, John jumps up and lands on his knees immediately launching into an operatic version of the song.
8. During Tusk, Lindsey pulls out a little makeup bag and starts applying black eye shadow.
9. Bored with his all black stage outfits, Lindsey appears at one show dressed as Tinky Winky.
10. At the end of Say That You Love Me, Mick looks over at Stevie beside him and says...Stevie, You've stirred my manhood! Fancy a Shag?
11. Lindsey immediately says...Yeah, Stevie. Go ahead and screw Mick. He's earned it!
12. As Lindsey recites his poem, Stevie stands behind him making gagging noises.
13 As Lindsey plays the banjo on Say You Love Me, three hillbillies and a pig jump up on stage and begin a hoedown.
14. As Stevie puts on her shawl during Gold Dust Woman, Lindsey hands her a cane and a rocking chair.
15. Desperate to win the fans over, Lindsey dresses in Stevie's dresses and pumps and don's a huge blonde wig while performing
16. During Stand Back, Lindsey, John, Mick and Chris stand behind Stevie and dance like the dancers in the video.
17.During Stevie's songs, Lindsey stands beside her holding up cardboard signs with the meanings of what she's actually singing about.
18. As Lindsey launches into another long explanation about something, Stevie makes snoring noises into her microphone.
19. During Silver Springs as Stevie is singing You'll never get away...Lindsey runs off the stage and through the crowd screaming...I'M GETTING AWAY, STEVIE! STOP ME!!
20. In between songs, Lindsey drives Stevie crazy by standing next to her and saying..."Tell me, was Don a good lay? Was Jimmy? Are they better than me? Tell me I want to know every detail! Spill the beans, Nicks!"
21. Lindsey sings every song sounding like Cartman from South Park
22. Instead of standing still during Big Love, Lindsey does the song using interpretive dance.
23. Every time Stevie sings one of her songs, Lindsey stands beside her and says..."Is this song about me? HUH? ANSWER ME!"
24. During Silver Springs, Lindsey keeps flashing condoms.
25. During the songs, Lindsey keeps shouting at the males in the front row..."QUIT STARING AT MY WOMAN'S KNOCKERS!"
26. After they finish a song Lindsey decides to take a poll to see if the audience would like to hear another song or see Stevie give him a blow job.
27. When Stevie does a kick, Lindsey props her leg up and kneels down in front of her staring intently at her crotch.
28. Every 5 minutes, Lindsey walks over to Stevie and gooses her.

And last but not least!....

Lindsey puts on one glove and some rhinestone socks and begins to moonwalk across the stage singing Beat It!

EVEN MORE THINGS YOU'LL NEVER SEE OR HEAR AT A FLEETWOOD MAC CONCERT...

1. Lindsey turns to Stevie and says..."Gee Stevie you aren't singing very well..Can I offer you something with caffeine in it? Coke? Pepsi?"
2. Lindsey attaches a little mirror to his shoe and stands directly behind Stevie staring down at it.
3. During Hold Me, Lindsey shoves Stevie onto a chaise lounge and begins to paint her.
4. Lindsey makes the announcement that he is going to do the songs as written from now on because his interpretations suck.
5. Lindsey grabs Stevie's shawl during Gold Dust Woman and throws it over his head...He raises and lowers it yelling "PEEK A BOO!"
6. Before each song begins, Lindsey screams out..."I'M THE ONE THAT MADE THIS SONG A SUCCESS!"
7. During the songs, Lindsey constantly bothers Stevie by suggesting she should sing the songs in a skin tight cat suit.
8. When Stevie goes to Lindsey and watches him playing guitar during Landslide, Lindsey stops playing and says.."DO YOU MIND? There is such a thing as personal space, you know!"
9. During the emotional parts of Silver Springs, Lindsey brings out a box of Chicken McNuggets and eats them with his mouth open and staring at Stevie with wide eyes.
10. During Stevie's songs, Lindsey stands beside her with a sign around his neck that says...ARTIST IN NEED OF FAN ADORATION
11. Lindsey starts introducing Stevie as Massive Jugs Nicks.
12 Stevie starts introducing Lindsey as Massive Ego Buckingham.
13. Everyone starts introducing John as Doesn't Do Much Except Play The Bass McVie.
14. When Lindsey sings Damn your love, Damn your lies during the chain, Stevie's eyes widen and she points at Lindsey screaming YOU JUST SAID A DIRTY WORD! YOU'LL BURN IN HELL!
15. Desperate for attention, Chris climbs up on her piano and begins to tap dance.
16. During Hold Me, Stevie throws sand on Lindsey yelling...IT'S A SAND STORM LINDS! TAKE SHELTER!
17. During Stand Back, Lindsey dons a black shroud and spins around and around as Stevie sings.
18. To throw everyone off, Lindsey starts mixing up the verses of the songs on purpose
19. During Stevie's songs Lindsey saunters over to John and pretends to whisper in his ear as he points at her ass...then acts innocent when Stevie gives him a look.
20. Every time Stevie sings Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night...Lindsey rings two bells on either side of her head.
21. During the beginning of Tusk, Lindsey dons khaki shorts and shirt and a pith helmet and grabs Stevie screaming..."OH MY GOD, LISTEN TO THE DRUMS! THE NATIVES ARE GETTING RESTLESS!"
22. During Gypsy, Lindsey runs offstage and comes back in his forties costume..grabs Stevie and begins to give her a hickey as she sings.
23. At one point during the show, Lindsey rips off Stevie's clothes and then his own and reenacts the Buckingham Nicks album cover.
24. Instead of his usual poem, Lindsey recites Mary Had A Little Lamb instead
25. As Chris sings Songbird, Stevie convinced she can do it better, begins to drown her out.
26. Lindsey sings to Stevie during Don't Stop...Every time he says Don't Stop, he makes it sound pornographic.
27. Lindsey brings a chain on during The Chain...every time Stevies says I can still hear you saying...we will never break the chain, Lindsey offers her one end of the chain and says "Wanna Try Breaking it?"
28. Every time John, Mick and Chris come on stage, Lindsey points at them and yells..."THE BRITISH ARE COMING, THE BRITISH ARE COMING!"
29. After spending a day with his kids, Lindsey gets mixed up and plays Old MacDonald had a Farm in concert.

and the last thing...

Lindsey begins to do the full Monty for Stevie!

omg, these r too f@ckin' good, thanx 4 the laff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~

[Gailh]

Christine.

Gail

[chiliD]

Along those lines:


Peter Green & Danny Kirwan