I was abused at work today

madformac · #1 12-28-2004, 07:19 PM

Today at work (I work in a retail store in case anybody doesn't know) I was checking some data on a store computer on the shop floor and a guy in his sixties or early seventies was walking towards me. I looked him in the eye and asked him if he was ok and if he needed any assistance. He came up to me, said no, and proceeded to move behind me putting one hand in front on my stomach and rubbing it in a circular motion, almost putting his hand inside my shirt under the buttons and he rubbed his left hand across my back onto my shoulder as he passed me quite firmly. It was not just, as some people do, touching in a friendly way, it was quite deliberate..

My first reaction was one of shock

I then said "Get your hands off me right now" in a rather aggressive tone. He must have registered it but kept walking, past the TVs and around and out of the store..

I had a female mamber of staff witness it as she stood there with her mouth open in shock...

I'm really upset with myself for not tearing his f**king arms off on the spot (I'm usually a very calm person but this wasn't a normal store incident to me) but I feel I should have taught him a lesson, maybe the fact I had other people, and children, around me stopped me because I had the urge to ram his head through a TV. . It's now bugging me that I didn't do anything. I've been told that I did the correct thing in not reacting in a violent way but what if this guy is a creep that molests people, even children? I know what he looks like and I've seen him before so maybe I log it with the police, I don't know...

To top it off I had somebody tell me today, "well maybe he's gay and that's why he did it"

. Well I'm not gay but I got offended by that anyway because I can't see anybody that is gay doing this.. As i pointed out, it's not like I go out groping females so I don't know why it should apply to guys that like men either.. A very homophobic comment and it just went and pissed me off even further...

So now I'm getting mad with myself for not enforcing myself and making it quite clear physically to this guy that you don't do things like this and get away with it..

BTW

* for those ledgies in the know I would like to state I wasn't wearing my famous pink shirt either...

tynan88 · #2 12-28-2004, 07:33 PM

OMG That is shocking, I think it is important that you research your options, both in the store and with the Police, but mainly with in the store, I mean if that customer is to return you have no idea now how you would react, this is a shocking incident.

Most likely this man is highly disturbed, so maybe doing something and taking it further could help both of you, I work in a supermarket and know how hard it can be if something wierd happens with a customer it can make it very difficult to deal with them again.

So I say search out your options, in particular if you have a staff support officer at work, see them.

Tynan

GateandGarden · #3 12-28-2004, 07:37 PM

I'm really sorry that happened. I understand your frustration because I had a guy do something quite similar to me a few years ago and I did nothing. I was in too much shock to say anything, and I was also hesitant to be mean about it. So, I just waited for the guy to take his hands off of me. Then, later I was mad that I didn't say something like, "Excuse me, I don't even know you!" I think he thought he was at liberty to do that because we lived in the same dormitory at the time, despite the fact that we had never spoken and didn't know each other.

Well, you can look back at it and say that you did say something to the person. Since you've seen this guy before and you have a description, maybe it would be a good idea to let the police know. I figure it couldn't hurt. Again, I'm sorry that happened to you.

Hillary

amber · #4 12-28-2004, 07:43 PM

Ah! I'm glad you cleared it up about the pink shirt, because i was sure it was to blame...

Anyway...I'm so sorry. If i were you, if he ever comes in the store again, I would go up to him, and in the loudest voice possible, say "sir, you are no longer welcome in this store, because you are filthy, groping bastard piece of ****!"

Actually, i don't know what i'd do, but i hope you figure out something that helps you feel better.

BTFLCHLD · #5 12-28-2004, 07:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by madformac

I wasn't wearing my famous pink shirt either...

No wonder you were accosted!

Kidding aside... Sorry to read of this happening to you.

While in hindsight there are a lot of ways you can think of following up with the perv, I think you should be somewhat pleased that you were able to blurt the "get your hands off me" bit. Often in situations such as this a person can be stricken with such a fear that a voice disappears.

My suggestion is to make a report, keep your eyes open, and spill your story to all your co-workers and area business...let's get the perv before he feels up (or worse) an unsuspecting child!

This brings to mind a guy that approached me in a grocery store medicine aisle asking for something...I tried to help him find it and upon repeating what he was looking for for the third time I realized when the words were strung together it was something pervy...and all I could manage was a look of disgust...live and learn...peeps are weird in what little it takes to get them off

madformac · #6 12-28-2004, 07:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tynan88

OMG That is shocking, I think it is important that you research your options, both in the store and with the Police, but mainly with in the store, I mean if that customer is to return you have no idea now how you would react, this is a shocking incident.

Most likely this man is highly disturbed, so maybe doing something and taking it further could help both of you, I work in a supermarket and know how hard it can be if something wierd happens with a customer it can make it very difficult to deal with them again.

So I say search out your options, in particular if you have a staff support officer at work, see them.

Tynan

Yeah, well, I can serve a banning order on him next time he comes in (which will ban him from every store in all four chains), first I'm thinking next time he sets foot in the store I should just ask him why exactly he felt he was in a position that allowed him to touch me in such a way..

Depending on his answer I either detain him and call the police, ban him or make it quite clear that if he comes near me or a colleague again it will have repercussions for his own health. If he abused a member of my staff I would have had him arrested on the spot yet I didn't do that because it was me. Weird huh?

Thanks for the advice about support and stuff but I'm a big boy and I won't suffer any emotional scars from this I can assure you. My concern is for anybody else that might have had this happen by him, or anybody in the future which is why I'll probably call it in tomorrow..

amber · #7 12-28-2004, 07:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by madformac

Yeah, well, I can serve a banning order on him next time he comes in (which will ban him from every store in all four chains), first I'm thinking next time he sets foot in the store I should just ask him why exactly he felt he was in a position that allowed him to touch me in such a way..

Depending on his answer I either detain him and call the police, ban him or make it quite clear that if he comes near me or a colleague again it will have repercussions for his own health. If he abused a member of my staff I would have had him arrested on the spot yet I didn't do that because it was me. Weird huh?

Thanks for the advice about support and stuff but I'm a big boy and I won't suffer any emotional scars from this I can assure you. My concern is for anybody else that might have had this happen by him, or anybody in the future which is why I'll probably call it in tomorrow..

You're a big boy? no!

Anyway, I that would be cool if you did ask him. Really loud. I really want him to be embarrassed publicly for some reason. Though, you may have gathered that from reading my post. Glad you're pulling through, Big Boy!

madformac · #8 12-28-2004, 08:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GateandGarden

I'm really sorry that happened. I understand your frustration because I had a guy do something quite similar to me a few years ago and I did nothing. I was in too much shock to say anything, and I was also hesitant to be mean about it. So, I just waited for the guy to take his hands off of me. Then, later I was mad that I didn't say something like, "Excuse me, I don't even know you!" I think he thought he was at liberty to do that because we lived in the same dormitory at the time, despite the fact that we had never spoken and didn't know each other.

Well, you can look back at it and say that you did say something to the person. Since you've seen this guy before and you have a description, maybe it would be a good idea to let the police know. I figure it couldn't hurt. Again, I'm sorry that happened to you.

Hillary

Thanks for your thoughts

The shock itself was a shock,if you can understand that.. If he had hit me or accosted me violently I would have dealt with the blows then immobilised him myself until the police arrived. I don't tend to go into shock, I just usually react to a situation accordingly.. But with it being sexual in nature I really was shocked... Like I got hit by Lennox Lewis or something.. it didn't register as it should.. I can now understand how people that suffer abuse and rape must feel when they just freeze.. it wasn't pleasnat, having said that, it's programmed in my head now so if it ever happens again I will be prepared for it.

madformac · #9 12-28-2004, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amber

Ah! I'm glad you cleared it up about the pink shirt, because i was sure it was to blame...

Anyway...I'm so sorry. If i were you, if he ever comes in the store again, I would go up to him, and in the loudest voice possible, say "sir, you are no longer welcome in this store, because you are filthy, groping bastard piece of ****!"

Actually, i don't know what i'd do, but i hope you figure out something that helps you feel better.

Yes I would have understood if it was the famous pink shirt

Thanks for the thoughts..

takenbythesky · #10 12-28-2004, 08:02 PM

I'm very sorry about your encounter with that elderly man, madformac. I think it is the right decision to ban him from the store and call in about it tomorrow....It's most important that something like that doesn't happen again to someone less able to defend themselves or resist him...Best of luck!
--Justin

GODDESS6 · #11 12-28-2004, 08:02 PM

wow, so sorry 2 hear this happen 2 u, it is very awful!!!~ i agree w/ every1 about researching & using every option available 2 prevent this guy~ i can't believe the nerve of some people & right in public, wow, makes u think since of his boldness this was not an isolated incident~ i hope he gets caught~

wondergirl9847 · #12 12-28-2004, 08:04 PM

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

I have no idea what to tell you to do. If that guy comes in the store again, I would keep an eye on him and his behavior...if he does it again, call the police.

It was the shock of what happened as to why you didn't do anything rash too, I think. We always think back and go WHY did I not do this or say that.

I can only imagine the number of people that are sexually harrassed everyday. I was when I was a teenager. My friend and I were at the mall, we got on the escalator and about 3 boys came rushing on RIGHT behind us. One of them brushed his hand on my a$$ and I turned around and went "Excuse me!" I wanted to go back to that moment after it happened and push him down the escalator. LOL

Also, the drunk guy at the December 10th FM show last year had his hands and body right up on me. UGH!! I wish I could kickbox.

madformac · #13 12-28-2004, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BTFLCHLD

No wonder you were accosted!

Kidding aside... Sorry to read of this happening to you.

While in hindsight there are a lot of ways you can think of following up with the perv, I think you should be somewhat pleased that you were able to blurt the "get your hands off me" bit. Often in situations such as this a person can be stricken with such a fear that a voice disappears.

My suggestion is to make a report, keep your eyes open, and spill your story to all your co-workers and area business...let's get the perv before he feels up (or worse) an unsuspecting child!

This brings to mind a guy that approached me in a grocery store medicine aisle asking for something...I tried to help him find it and upon repeating what he was looking for for the third time I realized when the words were strung together it was something pervy...and all I could manage was a look of disgust...live and learn...peeps are weird in what little it takes to get them off

I'll report it for sure, and I'll get a description out to all the local stores. It can't hurt..

It's interesting that it has happened to others on the boards.. Obviously it's more common than I thought..

Thanks for the post.

takenbythesky · #14 12-28-2004, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by madformac

It's interesting that it has happened to others on the boards.. Obviously it's more common than I thought..

Ugh...Once I was outside the counselling area at school taking a test, and a teacher looked over my shoulder and unctuously asked me what subject the test was in. I mumbled "Science," and then he said, "Oh...I recall in school that us boys really liked Science, especially when it had to do with reproductive matters..." then mentioned a couple other GROSS things.

This guy apparently fooled around with male students in the past. I thought, "STAND BACK CREEP!" All I did was basically ignore him until he went away...Ugh, he's so gross. Anyway, I think you handled your situation well, madformac!
--Justin

madformac · #15 12-28-2004, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wondergirl9847

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

I have no idea what to tell you to do.

Also, the drunk guy at the December 10th FM show last year had his hands and body right up on me. UGH!! I wish I could kickbox.

Thanks Christy, I'm not that bothered about it, I'm more bothered that by not doing something he's still a potential threat to others...

Yeah December 10th.... I'm impressed by Seteca's self control with that guy too.. Had it not been inside the gig at the time it could have been a somewhat different reaction from him as it could have been by me... Actions dictated by circumstance..