Dear Santa letters

[Livia]

This is my brand of holiday humor:


Dear Santa,
> I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
> I'd like for my
> mommy and daddy to get back
> together.
> Please see what you can do.
> Love,
> Teddy
>
> Dear Teddy,
> Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a
> screen door in a
> hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to
> come back to your
> frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time
> to give up that
> dream. Let me get you some nice Lego's instead.
> Santa
>
> ************************************
> Dear Santa,
> I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and
> I left carrots
> for your reindeer outside the back door.
> Love,
> Susan
>
> Dear Susan,
> Milk gives me the runs, and carrots make the deer
> fart in my face
> when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a
> favor? Leave me a
> bottle of Scotch.
> Santa
>
>
> ************************************
> Dear Santa,
> What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are
> you busy making
> toys?
> Your Friend,
> Thomas
>
> Dear Thomas,
> All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in
> Vegas, where I
> spend most of my time making low-budget porno films.
> I unwind by
> drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of
> cocktail waitresses
> while losing money at the craps table.
> Hey! You wanted to know.
> Santa
>
>
> ************************************
> Dear Santa,
> Do you see us when were sleeping, do you really know
> when we're
> awake, like in the song?
> Love,
> Jessica
>
> Dear Jessica,
> Are you really that gullible? Good luck in what ever
> you do. I'm
> skipping your house.
> Santa
>
>
> ************************************
> Dear Santa,
> I really, really, really want a puppy this year.
> Please, please, please, Please PLEASE, PLEASE, could
> I have one?
> Timmy
>
> Timmy,
> That whiney begging **** may work with your folks,
> but that crap
> doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater
> again.
> Santa
>
>
> ************************************
> Dearest Santa,
> We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get
> into our home?
> Love,
> Marky
>
>
> Mark,
> First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why
> you're getting your
> ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a
> house, you live
> in a low-rent apartment complex.
> Third, I get inside your pad just like all the
> burglars do, through
> your bedroom window.
> Sweet Dreams,
> Santa

[skcin]

OMG, you know Santa?!?!

[estranged4life]

really be getting bad, I thought it said "Dear Satan"...

"He knows when you've been sleeping...
He knows when you're awake...
He knows when you've been bad or good...
So ya better be Bad for goodness sake"

Hehehehehehehe...

Brian "All I want for Christmas is to knock out George Bush's 2 front teeth" j.

[ryan8472]

I just LOL'd. Thanks

[ontheEdgeof17]

Originally Posted by Livia

>
> Dearest Santa,
> We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get
> into our home?
> Love,
> Marky
>
>
> Mark,
> First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why
> you're getting your
> ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a
> house, you live
> in a low-rent apartment complex.
> Third, I get inside your pad just like all the
> burglars do, through
> your bedroom window.
> Sweet Dreams,
> Santa

Man, that's classic!