Only Over You... - Page 2

amber · #16 07-13-2004, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sugar

Hey all,

The birth order thread got me thinking about something. I have a two and a half year old daughter and have been wondering about having a second. My husband doesn't want another. "I want her to have everything," he says. But I wonder if she isn't going to miss out on something without a sibling. My husband also uses our wretched relationships with our respective siblings as further rationale.

You guys are a varied and interesting bunch so I figured I'd ask!

Only child? Parent of an only child? Kid-type professional? Just someone with an opinion? What are your feelings on only children?

I'm an only child but my best friend has 3 kids, and she teaches ESL first graders, and so has studied a lot about children. She purposely planned her kids 4-41/2 years apart. With this distance, they still like each other and can play, sort of, but they definitely don't fight as much. I've been around her kids a lot (girl 11, boy 7 in Oct., boy 2) and they REALLY DO get a long ok, and hardly fight, and are sweet and caring of each other. So if you're gonna have another, i would wait a bit. I think when they're a little older they don't feel as much competition and insecurity about your love and attention; they can utilize a little more logic and helpfulness about being part of the new baby situation. That said - I don't think there is anything at all with having only 1 child. It's better for the world, and there is a great book out there which i forgot the name of that has evidence to the contrary of the usual view of only children as being not well adjusted, etc. In fact, they are often more mature, and speak better in an adult environment at a younger age. Also they may be more self sufficient. I know I am - I notice other people who HAVE to have people around them to not feel lonely, to feel ok about themselves...and they are also more easily bored.
Good luck whatever you decide!
Amber

amber · #17 07-13-2004, 01:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GypsySorcerer

I am an only child and I don't really like it. Yes, I have been given a lot, both in the way of material possessions and attention. But I would trade it for a sibling....in a heartbeat.

First of all, only children have reputations as being spoiled, etc. I took a lot of grief as a kid for being a "spoiled brat," even though I was extremely well-behaved and nice to other kids. It irritates me, because I know so many spoiled people who are not only children. And it's not all about possessions anyway -- being spoiled also has to do with wanting your way all the time, and I almost always defer to others wishes; yet, I'm still "spoiled."

I also worry that as my parents age, I will be left with no one. Because when my parents are gone....there goes my family.

As some others have mentioned, as an only child, you are a mini-adult, because most of the time, you are just with your parents. I have always gravitated toward older people. I feel more comfortable around them than I do people my own age.

I just always felt I was missing out on something as a kid. Everything was just me and my parents. We'd be seated at a restaurant at a table for four, and that empty fourth chair always bugged me. It sort of represented the hole in our family, in my mind.

So Ledgies....you have now been introduced to my only child soapbox.

If you were well-behaved and nice to other kids, who called you a spoiled brat, and how'd they know you were an only child? just wondering.
I'm one too, and i was a brat, but not because i was spoiled, but because the opposite...If you're an only child and you have a bad parent, you wish you had a sibling, to take some of the heat...however, I never really wished i had anything but an identical twin...I'm suprised you felt so strongly about having a sibling. neat!
AMber

darklinensuit · #18 07-13-2004, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amber

however, I never really wished i had anything but an identical twin...
AMber

Get me out of that parallel universe!

- Jake

amber · #19 07-13-2004, 02:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by darklinensuit

Get me out of that parallel universe!

- Jake

What do you mean? There'd always be someone who understood what you were talking about, wanted to play the same games, got your jokes, was exactly as funny as you were...right?
Amber

darklinensuit · #20 07-13-2004, 02:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amber

What do you mean? There'd always be someone who understood what you were talking about, wanted to play the same games, got your jokes, was exactly as funny as you were...right?
Amber

Sure. But I was talking about fear of two of YOU.

- Jake

amber · #21 07-13-2004, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by darklinensuit

Sure. But I was talking about fear of two of YOU.

- Jake

really? were not! Now we'll both have to gang up and kick your ass!!! oh, wait, that was a fantasy, i don't have a twin, and you don't have an ass...

Amber

GypsySorcerer · #22 07-13-2004, 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amber

If you were well-behaved and nice to other kids, who called you a spoiled brat, and how'd they know you were an only child? just wondering.
I'm one too, and i was a brat, but not because i was spoiled, but because the opposite...If you're an only child and you have a bad parent, you wish you had a sibling, to take some of the heat...however, I never really wished i had anything but an identical twin...I'm suprised you felt so strongly about having a sibling. neat!
AMber

I grew up in an extremely small town, where everyone knows what time you take a dump.

So basically everyone in my class knew about everyone else.

Yeah, I do feel really strongly about having a sibling. (Everyone who knows me will end up knowing this!

Besides for the reasons I already mentioned, my parents were extremely overprotective and I felt smothered. My mother still calls me every day, just to "check-in." So to sum, I just feel like I've had more grief than joy being an only child.

amber · #23 07-13-2004, 04:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GypsySorcerer

I grew up in an extremely small town, where everyone knows what time you take a dump.

So basically everyone in my class knew about everyone else.

Yeah, I do feel really strongly about having a sibling. (Everyone who knows me will end up knowing this!

Besides for the reasons I already mentioned, my parents were extremely overprotective and I felt smothered. My mother still calls me every day, just to "check-in." So to sum, I just feel like I've had more grief than joy being an only child.

Ah, yes...so was mine. I guess they're like, "aaaahhhh, you're the only one i have!!!" It was a pain in the butt, but I never thought of a sibling to help that situation. Hmmnnn...so did you mean that cause your town was small everyone knew that you got stuff and were an only child, and therefore they called you a brat? Not cause of how you acted?
Amber

GypsySorcerer · #24 07-13-2004, 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amber

Ah, yes...so was mine. I guess they're like, "aaaahhhh, you're the only one i have!!!" It was a pain in the butt, but I never thought of a sibling to help that situation. Hmmnnn...so did you mean that cause your town was small everyone knew that you got stuff and were an only child, and therefore they called you a brat? Not cause of how you acted?
Amber

Yup, that's exactly what I mean. When I think back, I honestly do not believe I behaved like a brat at school, so I conclude it was the fact that I was given a lot and was an only child. I think the fact that I grew up in a relatively poor, rural area exacerbated the situation. Had I grown up somewhere else, where most kids were from families who were comfortable, I highly doubt that I would have had "the most." I wasn't given that much.