Daily Jokes

[McTrouble]

A little fun every day - hope everyone is up for this!

The sillier, cornier, and smuttier the better! But no filth or offensiveness please!

I'll start us off gently:-


Q. Why is an elephant big, grey and wrinkled?

A. Because if he was small, white and smooth he would be an aspirin!



Q. Why do elephants paint their toe nails red?

A. So they can hide in cherry trees!


I'm sure y'all can do better than this!

[Silver Springs]

Three blokes go into a pub. Well, I say three; could be four or five. Could be nine or ten, doesn't matter. Could have been fifteen, twenty - fifty. Round it up. Hundred. Let's go mad, eh - two-fifty. Tell you what, double it up - five hundred. Thousand! Oh, I've gone mad! Two thousand! Five thousand! Anyone? Five thousand, six thou, six thousand, ten thousand! Small town in Hertfordshire goes into a pub! Fifteen thousand blokes! Alright, let's go - population of Rotterdam. The Hague. Whole of Northern Holland. Mainland U.K. Let's go all the way to the top - Europe, alright? Whole of Europe goes - I say Europe. Could be Eurasia. Not the band, obviously, that's just two of them. Alright, continents - North America! Plus South America! Plus Antartica - that's just eight blokes in a weather station. Not a good example. Alright, make it a lot simpler, all the blokes on the planet go into the pub, right? And the first bloke goes up to the bar and he says "I'll get these in." What an idiot!

[HomerMcvie]

Two potatoes are standing on the street corner....

Do you know how you can tell which one is a prostitute?













The one that says, "I da ho!!!"

[MacFan92]

Two guys walk into a bar and the third one ducked.

[McTrouble]

How do you titillate an ocelot?

Oscillate its titalot!

[Silver Springs]

Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

[McTrouble]

Q. What did the Hurricane say to the Palm Tree?

A. Hang onto your nuts, this is no ordinary Bl*w Job!


Please don't suspend me!

[Silver Springs]

A man fell in the street, and a woman said to him, "Did you fall?" He said, "No, I'm trying to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket."

[McTrouble]

I think Bee's winning so far for the corniest!

[HomerMcvie]

Normal people don't usually like musician jokes, but:

Do you know the difference in a banjo, and a trampoline?














You take off your shoes, to jump on a trampoline!

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The last words ever spoken on Earth?







Did you see the banjo player's new Porsche?

[bluefox4000]

Ok ok, my bro told me this one

What do the Australian aborigine's and Yoko Ono have in common?

They both live off dead Beatles!

Mick

[vivfox]

Originally Posted by HomerMcvie

Two potatoes are standing on the street corner....
Do you know how you can tell which one is a prostitute?
The one that says, "I da ho!!!"

This is the best joke. The rest of them wouldn't make a 2nd grader laugh.

[McTrouble]

Originally Posted by bluefox4000

Ok ok, my bro told me this one

What do the Australian aborigine's and Yoko Ono have in common?

They both live off dead Beatles!

Mick

I love the sick ones!

[Silver Springs]

It was scientifically proven that only 5% of the world's population can give the correct answer in under a minute.

Say the opposite of these words:

Always
Coming
From
Take
Me
Down

Are you in the 5%?

[McTrouble]

Originally Posted by Silver Springs

It was scientifically proven that only 5% of the world's population can give the correct answer in under a minute.

Say the opposite of these words:

Always
Coming
From
Take
Me
Down

Are you in the 5%?

Rock on Rick!