Debate of Age Differences in A Relationship

[daniellaaarisen]

I think everyone knows my opinion on this But just in case, Alex said exactly what I would've said:

Originally Posted by nailatixela

I think maturity is the real issue, not so much age. Because maturity is so important, that's why it might be weird for a freshman in HS to date a senior. Everyone is at different maturity levels...I'm 19 and mature for my age. I always have been. My girlfriend is only 2 months older than I am, and she is also very mature for her age, and always has been. If she was still my age, but much more immature, I don't think there would be any attraction. I think maturity really encompasses a lot of your behavior, ways of thinking, etc. So when the maturity levels are different, at least from my perspective, it wouldn't work. Not for me in relationships, at least. I think that may be the same for others. I also don't see how I could be in a relationship with someone with political views far different than mine, or someone who was extremely religious. Opposites don't always attract. That's a common saying, but often times couples have more in common with each other.

The age doesn't really matter, it's how you act.

For me, this applies to an age gap of any size.

[SuzeQuze]

I love younger guys but the age difference has been an issue due to immaturity on their part. However I'm older now so younger guys theoretically should work.

A few years isn't a big deal except before age 18-21. Also, as others have said, based on where people are in their lives. Don't settle for someone who is behind you as they will drag you down as opposed to allowing you to lift them up. It just doesn't seem to work that way. If you feel attracted to someone you want to "help" run the other way!

[camchristo]

Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen

I think everyone knows my opinion on this But just in case, Cammie said exactly what I would've said:





For me, this applies to an age gap of any size.

I'm Cammie. I think that's Alex that you quoted.

[wondergirl9847]

Well, I'm a wierd case. LOL I just turned 35 a month ago and have been dating my boyfriend for the past year and 2 months. I say wierd because A. We are 16 years apart (he will be 51 this year) and B. He is the first man I've ever dated. Yes, really. LOL

He was nervous about asking me out because he didn't know how I'd feel about our age difference, but little did he know...I like 'em old. Hehe. Just kidding, but I have always been attracted to older guys.

We don't really have issues with the age thing, but it's fun when we do the whole "When I was young...". Even though we have some differences, we also have quite a bit in common and that may be due to my being an "old soul" of sorts.

If you are lucky enough in life to find someone you are crazy nuts about and they just happen to be quite a bit older or younger (but it's not illegal. LOL)....YAY YOU!

Being happy is most important.

[HomerMcvie]

Originally Posted by wondergirl9847

wierd because A. We are 16 years apart (he will be 51 this year) and B. He is the first man I've ever dated. Yes, really. LOL

He was nervous about asking me out because he didn't know how I'd feel about our age difference, but little did he know...I like 'em old. Hehe. Just kidding, but I have always been attracted to older guys.

We don't really have issues with the age thing, but it's fun when we do the whole "When I was young...". Even though we have some differences, we also have quite a bit in common and that may be due to my being an "old soul" of sorts.

If you are lucky enough in life to find someone you are crazy nuts about and they just happen to be quite a bit older or younger (but it's not illegal. LOL)....YAY YOU!

Being happy is most important.

It's weird how it's such an issue for some, and not an issue at all, for a few. And you being an "old soul"....see, I feel the opposite. I may be 42, but I honestly feel exactly as I did at 25.
I've been working on this relationship with the 24yo, for almost two years now(mostly it wasn't working, because of the age difference issue), and it just took time, and realizing that our connection was far deeper than the age issue, for it to be put to rest(I wasn't the one who got us back together, btw)
And it's AWESOME now. We're both in love, and I haven't been this happy in years.

But yeah, I occasionally get the "I was born, the year you graduated high school" comment. To which I respond, "yeah, well, so what?"

[daniellaaarisen]

Originally Posted by camchristo

I'm Cammie. I think that's Alex that you quoted.

You know the sad thing? I totally knew that. I've talked to Alex before on Facebook. I'm STILL sleep deprived after my trip...

[SuzeQuze]

Originally Posted by HomerMcvie

It's weird how it's such an issue for some, and not an issue at all, for a few. And you being an "old soul"....see, I feel the opposite. I may be 42, but I honestly feel exactly as I did at 25.
I've been working on this relationship with the 24yo, for almost two years now(mostly it wasn't working, because of the age difference issue), and it just took time, and realizing that our connection was far deeper than the age issue, for it to be put to rest(I wasn't the one who got us back together, btw)
And it's AWESOME now. We're both in love, and I haven't been this happy in years.

But yeah, I occasionally get the "I was born, the year you graduated high school" comment. To which I respond, "yeah, well, so what?"

Yeah the guy I was dating loved to make comments like, "I was in diapers then" but sometimes they were a little meaner than that. The last time he said something mean about my age I let him have it. I just told him the age was his issue due to the ageism in the music business (which he is in) and he is already "old" because he is no longer 17, and one day he WILL look older than me. He did not like any of that. Two wrongs don't make a right, perhaps I should have kept my mouth shut, but the look on his face was priceless. I am finally over the age thing and am comfortable with where I am.

I'm really glad to see this is working for you and that you are happy!

[SuzeQuze]

Originally Posted by wondergirl9847

Well, I'm a wierd case. LOL I just turned 35 a month ago and have been dating my boyfriend for the past year and 2 months. I say wierd because A. We are 16 years apart (he will be 51 this year) and B. He is the first man I've ever dated. Yes, really. LOL

He was nervous about asking me out because he didn't know how I'd feel about our age difference, but little did he know...I like 'em old. Hehe. Just kidding, but I have always been attracted to older guys.

We don't really have issues with the age thing, but it's fun when we do the whole "When I was young...". Even though we have some differences, we also have quite a bit in common and that may be due to my being an "old soul" of sorts.

If you are lucky enough in life to find someone you are crazy nuts about and they just happen to be quite a bit older or younger (but it's not illegal. LOL)....YAY YOU!

Being happy is most important.

I'm really happy for you, Christy. I can't believe you're only 5 years younger than me I always thought you were at least 10 years younger! Forever young, right? That's how I feel on the inside and I think it will always be this way.

[HomerMcvie]

Originally Posted by SuzeQuze

Yeah the guy I was dating loved to make comments like, "I was in diapers then" but sometimes they were a little meaner than that. The last time he said something mean about my age I let him have it. I just told him the age was his issue due to the ageism in the music business (which he is in) and he is already "old" because he is no longer 17, and one day he WILL look older than me. He did not like any of that. Two wrongs don't make a right, perhaps I should have kept my mouth shut, but the look on his face was priceless. I am finally over the age thing and am comfortable with where I am.

I'm really glad to see this is working for you and that you are happy!

Yes, ageism is usually youth based, although not always. I DO think that empathy and being considerate comes with age, because just like your partner, mine thinks that hurtful jabs are funny, when they usually aren't. I'm glad you let him have it!

Either you like ME for ME, and can let that stupid number go, or keep on walking......

Thank you. I've only put this much effort into a relationship, one other time in my life. Honestly, this feels like the best, most comfortable thing, that's ever happened in my life(yes, easy words I know, when one is in love). But I've almost always felt stressed out, and.....confined!, in other relationships. This one has space, and trust.

[wondergirl9847]

Originally Posted by SuzeQuze

I'm really happy for you, Christy. I can't believe you're only 5 years younger than me I always thought you were at least 10 years younger! Forever young, right? That's how I feel on the inside and I think it will always be this way.

Thank you, Miss Suze! I thank my parents' genes for my appearance. I wish my grey hair would back off though, it's ruining my rep! LOL

Homer, I'm glad you are happy.

[SuzeQuze]

Originally Posted by HomerMcvie

...I'm glad you let him have it!

So were my friends who were there, thank you!

Originally Posted by HomerMcvie

Either you like ME for ME, and can let that stupid number go, or keep on walking......

Right, he's walking and I just haven't let him keep going but it's time.

Originally Posted by HomerMcvie

Thank you. I've only put this much effort into a relationship, one other time in my life. Honestly, this feels like the best, most comfortable thing, that's ever happened in my life(yes, easy words I know, when one is in love). But I've almost always felt stressed out, and.....confined!, in other relationships. This one has space, and trust.

I'm glad it's working so well. This is encouraging!

[TwistedGypsy]

My family has learned to accept my love for older men. My ex-husband was 11 years older than me. I was 20, he 31. When that didn't work out I went older, not on purpose but I like to joke about that. As of now I''m 26 and he is 48 and we have been together for a little over 3 years. We are like 2 peas in a pod. Love the same music, have the same views, movies, on and on....The kind of strange part is he is 2 years older than my dad.
It is about maturity. I can't imagine being with someone my age. It would be near impossible. BTW, we are engaged and plan on getting married later this year. Also, and no I don't have daddy issues. Some people like to ask me that.
If it works, it works.

[HomerMcvie]

Originally Posted by SuzeQuze

Right, he's walking and I just haven't let him keep going but it's time.



I'm glad it's working so well. This is encouraging!

Good luck with it.

For me, it took 9 months of zero contact, until I got an email last Thanksgiving, telling me that I'd been treated like sh*t, and deserved better, and that I was "the real deal". And we've moved slowly since then, gradually building a solid foundation.

I find it strange, that it took 9 months of separation, for the age issue to fall away. Nine months that were totally worth it!

[daniellaaarisen]

Originally Posted by TwistedGypsy

My family has learned to accept my love for older men. My ex-husband was 11 years older than me. I was 20, he 31. When that didn't work out I went older, not on purpose but I like to joke about that. As of now I''m 26 and he is 48 and we have been together for a little over 3 years. We are like 2 peas in a pod. Love the same music, have the same views, movies, on and on....The kind of strange part is he is 2 years older than my dad.
It is about maturity. I can't imagine being with someone my age. It would be near impossible. BTW, we are engaged and plan on getting married later this year. Also, and no I don't have daddy issues. Some people like to ask me that.
If it works, it works.

I couldn't agree more with this post in every way.

[SuzeQuze]

Originally Posted by HomerMcvie

Good luck with it.

Thank you, Lord knows I need it!

Originally Posted by HomerMcvie

For me, it took 9 months of zero contact, until I got an email last Thanksgiving, telling me that I'd been treated like sh*t, and deserved better, and that I was "the real deal". And we've moved slowly since then, gradually building a solid foundation.

This one may never wake up. He's 26 and never had a serious relationship.

Originally Posted by HomerMcvie

I find it strange, that it took 9 months of separation, for the age issue to fall away. Nine months that were totally worth it!

The nice thing is she realized and then reached back out to YOU to work on things. The last man I was in love with learned this and used the knowledge in his next relationship. He was in one within 3 months of our breakup. I broke up with him because he kept making more and more excuses for not making time for me. He was pulling away and I pretty much just let him go.

I was still getting "just kidding" booty requests every once in a while via text up until just before he got married. They escalated at that time to a clear NOT kidding proposition. Good luck to her. I'm glad he didn't come back to me.

Originally Posted by wondergirl9847

Thank you, Miss Suze! I thank my parents' genes for my appearance. I wish my grey hair would back off though, it's ruining my rep! LOL

Yeah I color my grays now, I just have too many! When I only had a few I highlighted my hair but that is too damaging so I do all over color now. This enhances my youthful glow.