Debate of Age Differences in A Relationship
 

Hey all:

I'm always thinking about this. It's something very nebulous, yet it seems as though it very much can dictate who we end up with. When I was in high school, of course I was in choir (as almost everyone was), and the teacher always had the debate of whether or not Freshman should date Seniors. He was very conservative, and was very adamant about his opposition, and I pretty much felt the same way- primarily because Seniors and Freshman in high school are at COMPLETELY different places in their lives. However, at what point in life is that 3 year age difference not potentially considered inappropriate? Know what I mean? We always hear about couples with big age differences. My dad (while still legally married to my mom) has "adopted" another family, where the mother is 10 years younger than he is, but they've worked together off and on for years. GRANTED, the thing is completely inappropriate in EVERY way, the age difference I don't necessarily feel is one of them.

It's just an interesting thing I've been thinking about, because back in high school, there was just a decent amount of proposition to Seniors dating Freshman, but eventually, we all get older, and start seeing these people in a different light.

I was at the neighborhood pool today, which was FANTASTIC! Awhile after I'd been there, an old friend of my sister's sat next to me, and we started talking. She's five months younger than my sister, who is 2 years 11 months younger than me. My sister is graduating high school this year, and this particular girl is a junior. No, I'm not interested in getting together with her per say, but it just got me thinking about the age difference thing, and circumstance. I've known this girl for pretty much as long as we've lived in the neighborhood, so around 10 plus years or so. In the back of my mind, I still hear Mr. Weaver's Freshman and Seniors=NO speech, and it kind of made me laugh. Here is this beautiful girl, and we're talking, and I'm here kind of pondering this age difference thing (she would be even one year younger than the Freshman vs. Senior thing).

ANYWAY, what is your experience with age differences in relationships? Kind of an interesting thing!

I think maturity is the real issue, not so much age. Because maturity is so important, that's why it might be weird for a freshman in HS to date a senior. Everyone is at different maturity levels...I'm 19 and mature for my age. I always have been. My girlfriend is only 2 months older than I am, and she is also very mature for her age, and always has been. If she was still my age, but much more immature, I don't think there would be any attraction. I think maturity really encompasses a lot of your behavior, ways of thinking, etc. So when the maturity levels are different, at least from my perspective, it wouldn't work. Not for me in relationships, at least. I think that may be the same for others. I also don't see how I could be in a relationship with someone with political views far different than mine, or someone who was extremely religious. Opposites don't always attract. That's a common saying, but often times couples have more in common with each other.

The age doesn't really matter, it's how you act.

Age differences between teenagers/adolescents and age differences between adults are really different situations. A 16-year old dating a 13-year old is not the same thing as a 30-year old dating a 40-year old.

As far as age differences between adults, I don't think it's anyone's place to make judgments, mainly because I think adults can do whatever the hell they want in these matters and it's nobody else's business. When I was 25, I dated a guy who was 49. No, it didn't work out, but I'm glad I had the experience.

I've heard that the younger partner should be at least half the older partner's age + 7. So, an 18-year-old can date a 16-year-old, and a 30-year-old can date a 22-year-old.
Generally, I think that's a decent rule of thumb, though relationships can certainly work outside those limits--my own parents started dating when my mother was 17 and my father 24, and they're still married. Everyone approaches relationships differently, and some young people are remarkably mature. I try not to judge because it's impossible to see inside any relationship, but a particularly large age gap can force a problematic power dynamic.

I've learned (or adapted) to this over the years... if person A is 18 or older and person B is 18 or older? Whatever man. An 18 year old woman can date a 50 year old rooster if she wants to. Sure we'll all stare and look and go "Eww" but hey, to each their own.

Some guys like being sugar daddies. And there are sugar mamas. Nothing wrong with that. I dated an 18 year old Malaysian girl when I was 27... and people would stare at us all the time because she looked 16. :lol:

My boyfriend is two years younger than me (he's 24). We've been together since high school. It has not been perfect, we can fight like a couple of maniacs, but we also have never cheated on each other, and that's really my true deal breaker.

Ultimately, it depends on the individuals.

However, as a someone who teaches college, I am generally not a fan of the "date someone from back home" thing. It's either the student is pining away for their hometown honey, or they feel guilty for having fun without them. :shrug:

My boyfriend is 11 years older than me, and we've been together for 5 years. I ceaselessly joke about him robbing the cradle with me, but the age difference just works for us. We've never fought, and just enjoy spending time with each other. Before my current guy, I was pretty much a serial dater. I always dated people within a year of my age, but never dated anyone very long. I guess looking back, I've never even really kept friends my own age either. So I don't know why I never tried dating outside of my own age until later. All I know is that the age difference works for us. We seem to balance each other out in the good and bad ways.

So the morale of the story is: if you're feeling the connection with someone who's younger or older, give it a shot! You never know if it might be the best thing in the world for you if you don't try! :)

When I was 17/18 dating a 25-year-old, I would have told you that age doesn't matter and that it's all about how old a person thinks/behaves. Now that I'm almost thirty, I would tell my 17-y-o self to dump that guy and find someone my own age because we were so very different. I had a diploma and he had bills to pay.


It's all about life experience to me. At this point, there's no real difference between me and someone ten years older because I'm almost thirty. I have a real job and a house and am definitely a real adult. I met a great guy a few months ago who turned out to be 24. Uh, those are five big years. He had recently graduated, was looking for work, was living with a bunch of his buddies... Lasted three dates. I think an age gap is tougher for the older partner because they realize it exists more than the younger partner.

There is six years between my wife and myself. We started dating when she was 18 and I was 24, in fact I met her just before she turned 18 although we didn't date until a couple of months later.

It has never been an issue between us, although her father did write nasty emails to me because he felt she was too young. As a result she hasn't seen him for over 12 years...

Seems to have worked OK for LB and KB ;)

I completely agree. My last girlfriend was 18 years older than me, 42 when I was 25, and over the course of our relationship the age difference did become an issue on a few ocassions. However, we were together for 18 months and whenever it did become a problem we worked to resolve it.

However, it came down to the fact that we were at different places in our lives. She couldn;t get over the fact that when I wanted children in the next few years they may not be possible due to her age. I'm over-simplifying here because any break-up has a multitude of issues, but I couldn't convince her that she would be enough for me. She just said "It's ok for you to say that, you;re 25 and might want children in 10 years". I acknowledged that yes, I might, but I knew what I was getting into when starting a relationship with an older woman. This situation came back time and time again and the relationship slipped into constant reassurance, which is a death knell because you end up resenting it because the other person just. won't. believe you.

I'm by no means saying age gap relationships can;t work. Thecan. It depends entirely on the people involved.

I couldn't figure out who to quote, but Louie's comes closest.....almost two years ago(at 40yo, for me...), I started dating a 22yo. Yeah,..... looking back it looks like a mistake. And I was fired from the relationship then, only for the age difference.

Well, I got an email, last Nov, about....regrets, and such, and we've been SLOWLY working things out, since then. And for the past few months, everything that we ever felt ~should be~, is happening.

I just want to give some people hope, to not give up.

And yeah, I (potentially) wasted almost two years of my life.... And for what? We're both in love now. With no regrets, or doubts about what's happening. It's the best place I've been in, forever...

I think once people are finished with school, the age difference doesn't matter as much. It's true that a lot of it depends on the maturity of the people involved. I've met men in their 40s who were less mature than I was in my teens!
I have almost always dated older men. Even in high school, I dated someone who was 25 when I was 17. Truly, he acted younger than I did! I was always really responsible and mature for my age.
I was 25 when I met my (now) husband. He is 13 years old than I am. We've been together for 11 years and I could not imagine anyone more perfect for me!

My late sister married her X .He was 9 years older then she was.