TMI thread. Discussion of sensitive ADULT issues/triggers. Enter with awareness!

[markolas]

Oh, and I forgot to mention -

I was seeing a therapist for a while, and the first words out of her mouth after I told her about my mother, was to ask if I'd ever done any reading about adult children of parents with Borderline Personality Disorder.

[louielouie2000]

Originally Posted by markolas

Oh, and I forgot to mention -

I was seeing a therapist for a while, and the first words out of her mouth after I told her about my mother, was to ask if I'd ever done any reading about adult children of parents with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Omg... I just looked up info on Borderline Personality Disorder after you said this, and my Mother fits every single cause AND symptom to a freaking tee!

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001931/

So there's a reason why she's so psychotic!!

[markolas]

Originally Posted by louielouie2000

Omg... I just looked up info on Borderline Personality Disorder after you said this, and my Mother fits every single cause AND symptom to a freaking tee!

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001931/

So there's a reason why she's so psychotic!!

Yeah. I can pretty much see what caused it in my mother. Her parents were both deadbeats (her parents divorced when she was a kid - her dad was an alcoholic and took off shortly after that; if she saw him more than a handful of times between the ages of 7 and 30, I'd be surprised). Her mother was more interested in drinking and running around with men than with raising kids, so she frequently left my mom & her sister in the care of my great-grandparents. And I strongly suspect that my mother was sexually abused as a child. So, yeah.

[louielouie2000]

^Wow... it seriously all just makes so much sense now! My Mother did indeed have a very disturbing childhood. She was 1 of 6 kids living in absolute poverty. She had an older brother with Down Syndrome who repeatedly sexually assaulted her. My Grandfather ruled the family with an iron fist, and he didn't believe her claims. My Grandmother died when Mom was in her teens, and she just wouldn't even listen to my Mom when she brought up the subject. Mom then married my biological Father very young, and he was physically and mentally abusive towards her (I remember him throwing her out of moving cars and down staircases when I was young). She was also a cokehead for much of her life, too. I mean, the woman's lead a hard life up until about 20 years ago. I give her that.

But she lives such an absurdly cushy life now, that it p!sses me off when she b!tches and moans. She lives in a big log cabin with an in ground pool and a boat on a gorgeous lake, and has a husband who is totally whipped. Even when her life is 100% stable and happy she's miserable, and lashes out at others viciously and incessantly.

I actually did cut my Mom and Brother out of my life fully for nearly a year. When I decided to move to Texas last year, I called her up and she came over and I laid down the law. I moved the next week. She's been instructed not to call me if she has anything nasty, or unproductive to say. And if she starts down that path while we're talking, I tell her I have to go and immediately get off the phone. She's pretty much behaved for the past year, and we speak very little these days. I just wish she'd get help... she CAN be such an incredibly thoughtful, kind, and generous person. But she can also be a complete raging psychopath. She's pretty much pushed everyone she knows out of her life, and anytime anyone suggests she seek psychiatric help, she completely melts down and goes off the deep end. She's a real piece of work, for sure!

[mylittledemon]

Sounds like my mom, Louie. What can you do? Love them from afar I suppose.

[Dodfather]

My parents are fine. In fact I'm in the incredibly forunate position that they have been cosistently supportive and, in particular, I have repect for my dad both as a parent and man.

My brother however, is somehow a complete f!*^ up. Three years older than me and from age 15 onwwards he's done the usual: drugs, stealing from everyone, moving in and out of home and having to get consistently bailed out, resenting me for being the "favourite" even though we were each given exactly the same chances. Ther difference is I took mine and he p****d his away.

Recently he's been homeless, penniless and got back in touch with me after a year of ignoring me. I was genuinely concerned about him and trying to get in touch but he wasn;t contacting me, or our parents, and when he finally did show up he laughed, called me a drama queen and threw my concern right back in my face - while asking for somewhere to stay (in my tiny flat) and money. No. I'm done. That may sound petty but it was the straw that broke me after years of constant crao from him.

[holidayroad]

I totally commiserate with everyone about their family issues. Right now, I'm a stressed out nervous wreck because my mother is visiting me later this week. It was a major relief the day that I moved over 400 miles away from her. I never know how she is going to be. She can go from fine to freaking out in seconds. If it wasn't for the fact that my son is her only grandchild, I would choose to have no visits with her whatsoever.

[HomerMcvie]

Originally Posted by Dodfather

My parents are fine. In fact I'm in the incredibly forunate position that they have been cosistently supportive and, in particular, I have repect for my dad both as a parent and man.

My brother however, is somehow a complete f!*^ up. Three years older than me and from age 15 onwwards he's done the usual: drugs, stealing from everyone, moving in and out of home and having to get consistently bailed out, resenting me for being the "favourite" even though we were each given exactly the same chances. Ther difference is I took mine and he p****d his away.

Recently he's been homeless, penniless and got back in touch with me after a year of ignoring me. I was genuinely concerned about him and trying to get in touch but he wasn;t contacting me, or our parents, and when he finally did show up he laughed, called me a drama queen and threw my concern right back in my face - while asking for somewhere to stay (in my tiny flat) and money. No. I'm done. That may sound petty but it was the straw that broke me after years of constant crao from him.

Alan, our families sound much alike.
My family GETS ALONG. We don't fight. We rarely argue. We get together nearly every single holiday of the year. I eagerly look forward to seeing them all, this Sunday.

But yeah, I've got a cousin(who might as well be my brother, we were inseparable, growing up - and still inseparable, until I broke contact, 21 months ago), who's a complete fukc up. Just a terrible alcoholic. He knows it, and doesn't care that it's ruined his life. He has no life. He has a son, who's probably 15 now, and I think he's seen him once in the past 8-9 years(of course the mother has enough sense to not allow it). He's worked construction, and as a mechanic. He can pretty much do anything blue collar. Instead, he opts for "helping out" on a farm. They give him VERY little money. They do give him an old camper to live in(complete with an outhouse- no running water), and they buy him 12-15 beers a day. And that's all he wants! He could easily make 20-30K a year, but he'd rather just accept(good lord, I doubt he gets 3K a year) doing a little bit of work every day(feeding some cows and what not), and they get him drunk as payment. How sad is that?
I love him, but it was just dragging me down(I'd go pick him up every Sunday, and he'd come down and stay with me, a couple of days a week). He has a TERRIBLE temper, which he never took out on me, until the last month or so that we hung out. Once he started taking it out on me, throwing tantrums, and screaming at me, I.was.done. He knows that I love him, but I'm not going through that.