Childfree

[louielouie2000]

What I don't get is why people feel they have a right to get upset with other people regarding their life decisions... such as if they do or do not want to have children. Or whether to get married or not. Or to be a part of organized religion or not. All of these things are intensely personal, private matters. Why do other people (oftentimes strangers) feel they have a right to judge someone else's personal, private decisions? If you want kids, great. If you don't want kids, great. If you want to get married to your significant other, fantastic. If you want to live in "sin" then pull up a chair! Bottom line... who CARES?

[markolas]

Originally Posted by louielouie2000

What I don't get is why people feel they have a right to get upset with other people regarding their life decisions...

Because they need to be validated by other people's choices. A lot of times, people feel like they're being judged simply because you've made a different choice (the choice to have/not have kids, to start or quit smoking, to start or stop being religious, etc.).

I used to be a tee-totaler. I had a friend who was absolutely driven up the wall by this. I didn't make a big deal about it, I just...didn't drink. He would harass me about it every chance he got: "Why don't you drink?" "It's weird that you don't drink." "You should have a drink." He felt like I was judging him by my not drinking, and he needed for me to validate his choice to drink by drinking myself.

Same thing with the kids thing. Having kids is something "everybody does" in most people's estimation. By not following the "life script" people think you're making a value judgment against them for following it.

[kak125]

Originally Posted by louielouie2000

What I don't get is why people feel they have a right to get upset with other people regarding their life decisions... such as if they do or do not want to have children. Or whether to get married or not. Or to be a part of organized religion or not. All of these things are intensely personal, private matters. Why do other people (oftentimes strangers) feel they have a right to judge someone else's personal, private decisions? If you want kids, great. If you don't want kids, great. If you want to get married to your significant other, fantastic. If you want to live in "sin" then pull up a chair! Bottom line... who CARES?

AMEN!!!!!!!!!

[skcin]

Originally Posted by jannieC

Pretend for the moment that you want to adopt a child. Do the research and report back to everyone how easy it is to adopt! I'm saying this with a smile, not a scowl- I just don't think many realize what it takes to adopt.

Easier said then done.

Originally Posted by HomerMcvie

As an adopted child, I agree completely. Wanna know something sh*tty.....after my Mom passed, my aunt said to me, "I hope you know that you're still welcome, at all of our get togethers".
While that could be taken nicely, am I the only one, who sees the implication, that "you really weren't hers, so you're really not one of us, but we still want to see you, anyway"?
I thought it was a sh*tty thing to say. I mean, I was adopted at birth....it's not like I didn't come along until I was 15, or something.... Bitch!

Wow. How kind of her not to disown you after your mom died.

Originally Posted by HejiraNYC

I know it is a time-consuming, expensive proposition. But so is childbirth! My hats off to you for making the effort and giving someone needy a loving home and family.

Having a kid: 9 months, very little expense (most covered by insurance or Medicaid)
Adoption: years of waiting, $10,000 MINIMUM up front.

To be clear, I think adoption is a great option for people who have the means to do it. It's just that not everyone does. it's not as easy as saying "just go & adopt!"

Originally Posted by markolas

Yeah...I'm not one of those people who goes around calling them crotch-droppings, but I don't especially care for kids. I don't think babies are cute - they are noisy and smelly, and no I don't want to hold it or hear incessant FB posts about it, or see pics of their scraped knees or their first booger or whatever. I mean, please.

Some babies are cute, but not all. Some are breathtaking...

Originally Posted by bretonbanquet

Parents who feel the need to publicise and promote every breath that their children take are just that kind of people. It's not an issue with everyone who has kids, it's just what some people are like. If they weren't pushing pictures of their kids' scraped knees at you, they'd be pushing something else at you - while other parents don't feel that need. It's hardly a rational reason to bash parents in general. It's the same as a minority of gay people who feel they have to remind you on a regular basis that they're gay, or people who can't seem to stop alluding to the fact that they're wealthy. It's just personality types, attention-seekers. If they p**s you off, ignore them, as someone said

Good points.

Originally Posted by jannieC

I have a friend (former co-worker) who does this. She and her partner both document every move their child makes on FB and they also have a blog. About their child. While I find it kind of interestingly annoying, I haven't hidden their statuses yet. I think I'm somewhat intrigued by them, actually.

First potty moment aside, I rarely update stuff on my daughter. I post pictures if I take cute ones and that's about it. Just because *I* think she's fascinatingly cute, doesn't mean everyone else does.

I couldn't agree more. And that kid blog? Good luck trying to teach that kis that it's NOT all about her, when it's apparent it actually is.

Originally Posted by mylittledemon

It depends on what day of the week you catch me.

Generally I think I don't want kids, ever. Maybe once or twice a month I wish I was a father. My wife says she wants kids... but no plans on having them.

How long do you think you can keep that up?

Originally Posted by CreepingDeath

This.

A day doesn't go by without a c0-worker, a family member, or someone in one of my college classes asking me why I don't have kids. 26 is looked at as a dried up old maid, I guess. My biological clock can keep on tick, tick, ticking. I don't want a little demon spawn.

I was told by a coworker at age 24 that my eggs were drying up. She was only half kidding. Then she got pregnant at age 33 so I told her to stfu. I heard "when are you gonna have kids" at least 5 times a week from various people in my life starting at age 22 or so, up until I shocked them all with my pregnancy at age 32. Seriously. None of anyone's business, and nothing wrong with the answer "never!"

Originally Posted by Fleetwoodmark

Just looking over this thread makes me depressed - I've never seen such a collection of selfishness and self centered out pourings - You don't want kids because you don't want to deviate any of your money away from yourself ?

That's probably the most distasteful thing I've heard in a long time !

But honest. Kids are expensive. Gone are the days where people had 4 or 5 kids just because. It's damn near impossible to afford to do that anymore, and kudos to people who've actually put thought into it & decided not to due to financial reasons. It's none of my business what people want to spend their money on.

Originally Posted by HomerMcvie

BINGO!!!!
People, stop being so fukcing sensitive. We're only saying how we feel. If you don't like it, don't read this thread.

Maybe we should start two new threads. One for religion, and one for abortion....
Now THOSE would be fun!!!
Because I get the feeling, that 85% of us, are probably agnostic/atheist, and pro-abortion.
So the other 15%, can just freak the fukc out, over our opinions!
Fun, fun, fun!

1) 85% agnostic/athiest? I think you're way high on that. We had a thread about that long ago, wonder if it can be dug up.
2) Who the hell is pro-abortion? Seriously.

Originally Posted by HomerMcvie

If only more people were like you! My biggest peeve, is the people who let their kids scream repeatedly, at the top of their lungs, in a store or restaurant.

Like, "let" a 7 year old scream? Or "let" a 2 year old scream? Just curious. Cuz there's a big difference & it's damn near impossible to stop a 2 year old from screaming. I would take my kid & leave, but not everyone could/would/should.

Originally Posted by bluefox4000

Wow the sensitivity. It's a thread for people who don't want kids. We're not saying boil children

just....wow

Mick

Well, do you?





I am a firm believer that not everyone is meant to have kids. I sure as hell wasn't sure I wanted any (used to say never, but...) Took my husband & I 15 years of togetherness, and being in our mid-30's to decide to have one. She's pretty great, and I know we're very lucky (easy sleeper, well-behaved, good looking like her daddy, healthy, etc.).

I can tell you that there is NO WAY I would have been a good mother 10 years ago - less maturity, less patience, different priorities. Soooo glad we waited. So if you aren't sure, DON'T DO IT. Seriously. You'll be miserable. And DON'T have one just because you think you'll be too old soon!

1 more thing. "I want to have a baby" is not the same thing as "I want to have a child & raise him/her to be a responsible, good & decent person who can help shape our future." Cuz you're in it for the looooooooong haul. So you'd better be goddamn ready to work hard at raising a child every day for the next 18+ years.

[CastleWalls]

Originally Posted by skcin

I am a firm believer that not everyone is meant to have kids. I sure as hell wasn't sure I wanted any (used to say never, but...) Took my husband & I 15 years of togetherness, and being in our mid-30's to decide to have one. She's pretty great, and I know we're very lucky (easy sleeper, well-behaved, good looking like her daddy, healthy, etc.).

I can tell you that there is NO WAY I would have been a good mother 10 years ago - less maturity, less patience, different priorities. Soooo glad we waited. So if you aren't sure, DON'T DO IT. Seriously. You'll be miserable. And DON'T have one just because you think you'll be too old soon!

1 more thing. "I want to have a baby" is not the same thing as "I want to have a child & raise him/her to be a responsible, good & decent person who can help shape our future." Cuz you're in it for the looooooooong haul. So you'd better be goddamn ready to work hard at raising a child every day for the next 18+ years.

I am stunned. I never saw you having a kid. LOL. I am floored.

[skcin]

Originally Posted by CastleWalls

I am stunned. I never saw you having a kid. LOL. I am floored.

Do I know you?


Either way, you're not alone. Most people (both friends are mere acquaintances) would have agreed with you. ****, I would have agreed with you! But things do change for some people, and they did for me. I am so happy with my life & my family, and I do love being a mom.

But I'm a realist too - it's really f*cking hard at times (and she's only 18 months - I know it's not going to get easier...) It's not always wonderful & joyous. Sometimes it sucks, and while I never, ever regret having her, I do occasionally think "man, this would be a hell of a lot simpler without a kid!" You don't have to give up your life or youself (like some people claim you do), BUT her needs do have to come first in most cases. At least for the time being.

[Fleetwoodmark]

Originally Posted by louielouie2000

What I don't get is why people feel they have a right to get upset with other people regarding their life decisions... such as if they do or do not want to have children. Or whether to get married or not. Or to be a part of organized religion or not. All of these things are intensely personal, private matters. Why do other people (oftentimes strangers) feel they have a right to judge someone else's personal, private decisions? If you want kids, great. If you don't want kids, great. If you want to get married to your significant other, fantastic. If you want to live in "sin" then pull up a chair! Bottom line... who CARES?

No one is making a comment on their life decisions - if people don't want kids...that's fine. It's the self obsessed selfishness that is clear for all to see that I have an issue with.

[bluefox4000]

Yes.....we want our lives to ourselves.....So what Also so what if we like to save our cash. There are FAR worse things then not having a kid. I mean...come on. I hardly think this is that selfish. Maybe i'm missing something. lol

Mick

[kak125]

Originally Posted by bluefox4000

Yes.....we want our lives to ourselves.....So what Also so what if we like to save our cash. There are FAR worse things then not having a kid. I mean...come on. I hardly think this is that selfish. Maybe i'm missing something. lol

Mick

i so agree with you!! its our lives and if we dont want kids and we want to spend all of our own hard earned money on ourselves then who cares?!! i work for it so if i want to spend it, i am gonna spend it. i am selfish and i will admit it but i dont see it as a bad thing at all. i love being married and i love spending all my time with my hubby. i dont want anything to come between that. i like it just being me and him and i love love love my free time.

[McTrouble]

Originally Posted by kak125

i so agree with you!! its our lives and if we dont want kids and we want to spend all of our own hard earned money on ourselves then who cares?!! i work for it so if i want to spend it, i am gonna spend it. i am selfish and i will admit it but i dont see it as a bad thing at all. i love being married and i love spending all my time with my hubby. i dont want anything to come between that. i like it just being me and him and i love love love my free time.

I can't add anything to that - it's EXACTLY how I feel, especially that last bit

[Silver Springs]

Originally Posted by Fleetwoodmark

No one is making a comment on their life decisions - if people don't want kids...that's fine. It's the self obsessed selfishness that is clear for all to see that I have an issue with.

Am I missing the point, or are we meant to be living our lives subjectively? And whomever we choose to bring into/create in order to enrich our lives is entirely for that purpose? All decisions are selfish and self indulgent to some degree, so don't be under any illusions. So if you want to enjoy that hard earned money YOU worked for by spending it on yourself, go ahead and do it! Because you were the one to give up a few hours of your life every day to do that, so why should you be the one to lose out? If ultimately spending that money on a child is what will give you satisfaction, then that's your decision entirely. But if you'd rather follow other pursuits and goals/loves, then who cares? At the end of the day, life is in existence for you to find your own personal nirvana. Nirvana isn't attained by trying to fit in with what people deem right and the norm. Being true to yourself is what truelly matters. Selfishness doesn't make for bad people. Selfishness being a gateway to ill morals and ill treatment of others and yourself makes for bad people.

[HomerMcvie]

I think regardless of how we feel about, or want, kids, the fact is:
This world is highly over-populated. The more of us that choose to not have kids, ARE DOING THIS PLANET A FAVOR.

[McTrouble]

Originally Posted by HomerMcvie

I think regardless of how we feel about, or want, kids, the fact is:
This world is highly over-populated. The more of us that choose to not have kids, ARE DOING THIS PLANET A FAVOR.

Oh well said - we selfish gits are actually the saviours of this planet

[bretonbanquet]

The number of people in the West who choose not to have kids is far outweighed by the number of people elsewhere in the world who choose to have 6 or 8 kids. Overpopulation is not really caused by the West, where birth rates are generally pretty low. The birth rate in the US is about 14 births per 1000 people and 11 in the UK - in Africa and parts of the Middle East it's up past 35, towards 50 in some cases. The average is about 20.

People not having kids in the West aren't going to save us from overpopulation...

[HomerMcvie]

Originally Posted by bretonbanquet

People not having kids in the West aren't going to save us from overpopulation...

But it will cut down, on US having to wait in line for a potable beverage!