May I babble for a moment?

[lbelle1214]

Originally Posted by DavidMn

I needed to get this off my chest. I hope I make sense. I've been dealing with depression relating to having some childhood problems, and it's really effecting the way I live. When I was younger I spent alot of time shuttling to Special ed schools because of my ADD. It was pretty bad, I took all sorts of meds back then. As a result I had very few friends growing up because I was always going to school away from where I lived. This is one of the reasons Fleetwood Mac and Stevie mean so much to me. It's also been really hard because I've up until eariler this year, I lived at home. I always paid rent to my mother and Stepdad, but I grew up in a comfort zone, and I hated the idea of getting out of it. It's been reall hard for me to figure out what the real world means because of this. Not an excuse, that's just the way it is. I have absolutely no idea about money, and the only thing that's sustained me the last few years besides work, is the fact that I've been able to enjoy Stevie and Fleetwood Mac to the extent that I have. Unfortunately, this has led to some irresponsible decisions with regards to concerts and the like. I just wish I could get rid of the constant up and down feelings that I have. For example, I felt great when I was out on the road seeing Stevie, but now the Chickens are coming home to roost as they say. I want to make it clear I'm not blaming anyone for what's happened to me, I'm sure people have it alot worse, but I just wish I could be on mroe of an even keel. Sometimes I feel llike I'm the only person in the world that deals with this, and I dont want to wind up in the psyche ward after a suicide attempt like I did last year. If anyone else has dealt with these things, I would appriciate shairing if you feel likt it. Thank you, and I'm sorry if I shared too much information. It's just that I'm really tired of living like this, and I want to become a better person, and I figured this might be a good place to start

More people share this problem than you know....most are just afraid to share. My life is, has been, and probably always will be...an open book. I've dealt with major depressive episodes since I was 16. Valium does not work...they thought it did back then...30 yrs ago. Attempted suicide once, and it has definitely crossed my mind many times since. You are not alone. In 2000, I voluntarily admitted to a psych hospital after a major event in my life. During those four days I learned a lot about myself...and suprisingly enough...to laugh again. However, I was placed on antidepressants, which only dulled any emotion that I had...if I wanted to cry, I couldn't. If I wanted to sing, it was like 'what's the use'. I recently got off all medications in January. They made me so numb, so useless, so fat, so without a personality that I couldn't stand myself anymore. Now I laugh until I cry...I can feel again! Yes, there is still pain. But you must learn how to cope, how to fight for your own life...and most of all, how to love you, in spite of yourself. I used to worry about everything...what people thought about me...how I kept my house...NEVER AGAIN! You are the only person who has to live with YOU, if that makes sense. Let your conscience be your guide...if you spent a little too much $$ on concerts...didn't we all? I depleted my savings, everything! Sacrified so much just to be there. But that is what made ME happy at the moment, my husband understood, and it didn't hurt anybody! The memories of the last few months I will cherish for the rest of my life! You only go around once (we think!)...be kind to others...find happiness in yourself, or nobody else will...take every opportunity to laugh and to love and to reach out to those who need much, but ask little. And if you ever need to vent or to talk, I'm willing to listen...as I'm sure many here will...