Please say a prayer for me...

[DavidMn]

speaking of dates, January 29th is the date I lost my great aunt Eloise at the age of 93. to understand the type of relationship we had her husband died a month after I was born in 1971. We bacame very close and I spent a ton of time with her growing up. Its highly unusual for a teenage kid to want to spend time with an elderly relative, but we were just that close. As she aged more, I took on the responsibilities of helping her take care of her hous she had lived in since 1940. In 2000 she had to sell the house and move into a senior apartment. Looking back, I spent so much time in that house, I think when she had to sell that I just couldnt accept it. I became depressed, slthough I didnt show it to anyone but myself. She lived in this apartment until January 29th, 2004 when she passed away. I wasnt there when she died, and to tis day I have trouble forgiving myself for that. After her passing I went into a total shell. I mean I still lived my life went to concerted, baseball games etc. But I was the gas tank was completely empty emotionally. I think this lack of communication with others about my issues led to my suicide attempt on June 20, 2004. Ironically I had just returned from seeing Fleetwood Mac and that day I completely crashed, thats the only way I can describe it. I took about 85 sleeping pills. My friend came over to check up on me and I was nearly passed out. He immideately called 911 and the ambulance came and took me to the hospital where I was forced to drink charcoal. I was in the ER the next day when the doctor came in and tolf me that I was VERY lucky that I didnt suffer serious liver damage from taking the pills. The doc told me also that it would have been about another hour or so and I wouldve died. I spent 2 weeks in the psych ward at the hospital trying to get myself together. It still is a struggle to this day. Some days I wish I wasnt here, some I feel like nothing can stop me or what I want to do, but that also has to do with my mild bi-polar disorder I suffer from. Brian, the main thing I can offer to you in advice is to not shut yourself down emotionally. I would never pretend to tell you how to deal with your unique situation, but i will try to help you in the best way I know how.