My cat Vinnie just died

[amber]

Here he is. He was so cute and silly. The house will be so quiet now without his near constant loud miaowing. I will hate it. I can't imagine waking up tomorrow without it. He miaowed so much we could always have a conversation...
I didn't get to have the euthenasia where I stay with him, because I didn't have any money (I get paid tomorrow). Also, I couldn't leave him there for services for the same reason, I had to take him with me. So I walked home in the rain with him at 2:30 am, crying and crying, it took about an hour. I was using my cat ear umbrella.

Vinnister = Sinister + Vinnie. He was my little fat boy. He was my cute little loudmouth. He was my sweet little man. He was my Vinnister. I wish he wasn't in so much pain before he passed, I guess I should be glad it was only about 30 minutes. He had heart failure which threw a clot and paralyzed his back legs. The yowling of pain broke my heart.
I have a vet appt. for Friday for my other cat Spanky, but I think I'll try to get him in tomorrow.

I don't know what to do, the individual cremation is so expensive, but the cheaper group cremation you don't get the ashes back, and it isn't that cheap either. I really want him "with" me for some reason. I don't want his ashes scattered with a bunch of other animals in some random place. I know that is totally irrational, but he's my little man, I want him here, at his house.
I kind of want to bury him under the tree in my yard that he always climbed on, it was his only athletic skill, haha - but I don't know...do I just put him in a box and dig really deep? How deep?
Gosh, I can't believe it. He was so hungry and loud and sweet and round and pretty, I thought he'd always be here begging for a snack, so loud you could hear him way down the block. Even though he just ate. Yup, he was my cat all right...