[Nikolaj]

Originally Posted by jannieC

There is no such thing as "Clinical Low Grade Depression.' One can have Clinical Depression; mild, moderate or severe. There is a form of depression called Dysthymia which is milder and chronic in nature. The statement that anti depressants have "absolutely no chance of working" is false, as well. This may be true in your situation, but everyone is different.

I like you, and I believe you, Jannie, but that is my diagnosis, 'low grade clinical depression'- it's a term I have heard for almost 9 years, and my doctor, who is an MD with a masters and phD, told me that the 'usual' anti-depressants (such as Prozac) will have absolutely no results when taken by someone with defective opitate receptors, which I imagine can be caused by a number of things, but in my case, was caused by this chronic 'low grade' depression. "It's just how you are and have always been" was part of her explanation, "and there's no cure, and that's why the anti-depressants don't work for you."
From your description, it sounds like that it's possible she meant 'Dysthymia' but didn't use the term with me. She said for certain I had malfunctioning opiate receptors, which is why we had success with opiate drugs- if you have the damaged opiate receptors, the Prozac, Zoloft and Effexor can't work, and I believe that, because I was on them all. Sure, everyone is different, I agree. My sweeping generalization was an uninformed, ignorant thing to assume, that 'my' case would apply to all others, but I thought, surely, to some others.
I'm surprised that you, a therapist, would say there is no such thing as 'low grade clinical depression' when I was told I have it, that I have likely had it since I was 8 years old, that there is no cure, but the opiate drugs were found to be of use in managing depression in many patients who'd had no success with the standard route of anti-depressants because of damaged opiate receptors. I'm surprised, but not angry or even saying you're incorrect. Maybe my doctor was 'talking down' to me and purposely didn't use 'Dysthymia' --but from your description, it's either that, or the 'mild' form of clinical depression that I have, for which she says there is no cure.
It'd be so 'like her' to say 'low grade' instead of 'mild'.
For almost 10 years, she's written me multiple prescriptions, and invariably, on 1 or 2 of them, she'll properly spell my name, and on the other 1 or 2 scripts, she misspells my first name, Nikolaj, which isn't that hard to spell. I think she has some ADD, herself. In my early years going to her, it wasn't unusual for me to have to return to her office when the pharmacist would note she hadn't included her DEA number on the top of the prescription, or had a cross-out on a controlled substance, which is not allowed, and she had to have known. She's 58 years old.
So, there have been bumps along the way, and red flags for sure, though the past 5 to 7 years have gone smoothly until about a week or so ago.
I'd like to hear more from you, whenever you have time, but don't expect free medical advice, and I do have resources, thankfully. So, whatever you decide or don't is kewl, I know you come from a good place.
My dad swears that it is time I change doctors, and with the reaction I had from the Suboxone, I am considering it, because I think I would have died- the next day- if I'd taken it again, and she wanted me to continue, and I found strength I should have known I had, and listened to myself and the 2 pharmacists good enough to tell me the truth, that the real danger was in continuing the drug, especially with my severe, violently ill physical reaction to it ("that just means it's working", my doctor told me) and a psychotic reaction I'd never before had with any medication.
This is not a comfortable subject for me to discuss, though I've done ok these past 2 days here, and there are medical forums where I've been helped a lot and that's really where I prefer to get into this. The Lindsay Lohan jail sentence really hit me, though, and the lack of compassion for her generally (not specifically here on The Ledge) got me thinking 'there but for the grace of God go I", but then, I was never an in-demand starlet, and knew when the hell to stay home when I was feeling worst-- or, when, rarely, I was feeling too good.